The ex during his affair & reconcil. said very unthoughtful things to me. And now says that I am using his words against him. After having sex with the other woman, He told me how I was not sexually well equipped like the other woman, and that I should ask my gyn to check me out at my next visit. He told me this was only about biology, and he would tell any woman to have herself checked out by her gyn if he thought there was a problem, cause now he had someone to compare the other one to. All I saw it as was a comparison. My gyn saw it as disrespectful, and ex still says to this day, that he was just being radically honest, and uses how I get so upset with his unthoughtfulness towards me. My ex lied during his sexual affair. He kept secrets, and stole money from the family to give to the OW. The OW lied to me and coerced me with manipulation & suicide. And ex gets upset when I say how upset I was that he mislead this whole family. Which the ex I know is still being untruthful towards me. He gives the adult kids, false information. Which I have to prove to the adult kids that the info. they are receiving is WRONG!!!!

We have a different view on radically honest. Ex sees it as anything he says is right, and what I say is wrong. Any woman in my shoes would of been devastated by his rude remark about the anatomical anatomy of being inadequate. This really threw me lower than anywhere a woman can go. My gyn told me that the OW was the one that was really inadequate, and that my ex was a sexually inadequate man.

I didn't use the words against him. Until I came back from the Dr. and told him that I was 100% fine, and that the other woman was inadequate. He justified his words, and never apologized for demeaning my anatomy. He said it was just biology. And to this day, never apologized for his unthoughtfulness, but still says he was doing his biology. Here was a statement that he said to me. I was only giving you valuable information for I saw a difference and this brought to my mind that you should have yourself checked out. Well, before the other woman, there was never a complaint on his part. So it was COMPARISON. Biology, I never had a class to study the womans private parts, and compare.

As many of you know who my ex is. He still misleads many of you on his prevalent path of he knows everything. He rationalizes, justifies, and shows all that he knows what is right. Where is the understanding on his part with his unthoughtful words.

There will never be an understanding with this man. For honesty is not spoken out of his mouth. As the months go on, he is not a safe person for who he is right now. Honesty is not spoken to the adult kids by the ex. I have shown the kids, by giving them actual figures and facts. I have finally shown my oldest son, what financial mess I am in. The ex told my oldest son, information that was not correct. My youngest son wanted to know, and the same thing happened with him. They are realizing that their father is not being radically honest. This is the words of a wayward spouse, trying to rationalize his failure in life. And to turn it on to the spouse that was honest, and being a guardian.

I wish, that God would of put a wart on my ex's nose everytime he was not RADICALLY HONEST! For this day, he would be blindsighted by the warts, and have to use side mirrors for his path of walking.

A VENT - for he still turns everything back on to me. When will he take actions for his sexual affair, deceit and unthoughtfulness, as I can see NEVER!

You are divorced.

You really don't have to worry about this garbage anymore.

He shouldn't have compared his wife to some woman who had sex with a married man. Women do differ in our body structure, but that doesn't make you "wrong" and her "right". For all he knows she just got sewed back up tight or whatever because of some malfunction in her bod.

He isn't going to apologize...or even grow warts.
You aren't going to forgive.

Let it go.

Maybe OW was really a man w/ a sex change?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Maybe next time he states something so crude you could reply w/ that! (LOL)

Seriously, my MIL divorced her 1st H (my FIL) for many many things. She had the class not to tell her two sons what a horrible father they had - she figured they would as adults learn what he was. And of course, they learned early, long before they were adults. My FIL has a way of re-writing history, but his sons now know the truth & let him lie thru his teeth - but they know.

<small>[ May 15, 2004, 11:25 AM: Message edited by: betrayed by 2 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He told me how I was not sexually well equipped like the other woman, and that I should ask my gyn to check me out at my next visit. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This would be like the WW telling the BH that his penis is too small because the OM is more endowed. Or better, that your navel is malformed because you have an "outie" while the OW has an "innie." Surely your X is intelligent enough to realize that anatomical features on both men and women come in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, colors, etc.

These are comments that hit below the belt (no pun intended). For your X to hide behind the concept of RH is a gross misuse of the concept. Your X is of the personality that believes that his words cannot be insulting, hurtful or offensive unless YOU choose them to be. He believes that you must TAKE offense...he cannot offend you. If you are ever offended, you have only yourself to blame. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

What a better way to hurt you then to comment on the adequecy of your anatomical parts. These are things that you have no control over aside from surgical intervention.

You have to realize that a comment such as this is not based on facts and research...something your X takes pride in. The comment was meant to cut you and hurt you. You need to be able to identify comments like this and let them roll off your back.

Mind games Faith...he loves to play mind games with you.

<small>[ May 15, 2004, 01:00 PM: Message edited by: ba109 ]</small>

Yeah, but the part that hurts, is that I used to trust this man, now I trust not one word coming from his mouth. And at that time when he told me, we were in reconcil, and this hurt deeply. For all he could talk about was the OW, and I could of cared less about the OW. He did hurt me deeply, and I am scared by these words. For I never knew that the man I love could talk so low to me.

I still dream about that night once in awhile, after having sex with my H at that time, and he saying this to me. I cried, and I was in deep pain. And he turned the pain back on me, stating that I couldn't take radical honesty.

I am moving on, but these are scars that are going to hurt for awhile.

Thanks, cause he brought this up about me using things against him. And he doesn't see the pain, the tearing of my heart, the bleeding that I he did to me for many many months. Once again it was all my fault.

I know that I am a good person, that God loves me now. I don't have any questions about that. I just wonder why he is so crude and disrespectful.

Thanks for the reassurance. Just when I am reminded of these statements from him, they bring back that soreness, and it takes awhile for the pain to subside, and the healing to take over again.