<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I'm at work with nothing to do. My boss is out of town.

This is so entertaining... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And Pep! I love you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Susan <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

OK, Sarie, I have had my fill. I am beginning to think you must be yanking our chains. NOBODY could seriously be that pathetic.

I thought we got wiser as we got older? Now I realize that is a CHOICE, it doesn't just come naturally.

Hm.

Sarie,
I haven't read your thread in awhile. Sorry if I'm blunt but here goes. You should have the courtesy to tell your H what's going on. If you and OM are meant for each other you should divorce your H. Set him free so he can get on with his W and hopefully find someone who truely loves him.

Should you decide that you want to break it off with OM you should still tell your H. He needs to be the one to help you keep NC.

Sooooo.... what are you going to do? Sitting here on the fence for months doesn't do anyone any good except maybe you bc you have two men meeting your needs. Sorry but that has nothing to do with love and alot to do with selfish behavior.

MrsX, Lisa103 have both told their H and are now into their recovery period.

BTW, I gave this same advice to both MrsX and Lisa.

cwmac

<small>[ May 24, 2004, 01:03 PM: Message edited by: cwmac ]</small>

And Pep! I love you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Susan

Suz... can I supersize that?

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

What you still fail to understand, Sarie, is that the feeling special about yourself is YOUR responsibility, not your OM's or your H's. You really seem to be a sad person who desperately wants to live in some kind of romance novel, convinced of your dramatic, incredible "love" between you and your OM. You profess to be a good woman, but your actions are not showing what you claim is inside you.

You come here and you post and it is very much in the victim voice. Only YOU can change the situation you are in. Personally, I think you thrive on the drama and excitement and specialness this creates in your life and letting this go will take every bit of strength that you have. You H deserves the truth so he can decide if he wants to hang in there and help you do this: be REAL.

I wish you luck and eventualy peace of mind and self-love.

in the black.
Life would be a lot easier if I were a 'troll'.
Someone called me that before and I had to look it up.

I think it means someone pretending to be someone they are not; making up a story.

I can't see where my story is that much different than others; although I realize I am hanging on to the OM harder.

Yet most WS that come here have already parted from their OP; I think that is where my story is different. (Many BS have mates that are still hanging on to OP)

I came here when the affair was still happening yet I am wanting more and more, to be free from it.
I know, it is in my hands; I alone have the power.
Love, Sarah
I need to leave now and get some of that expensive gas for the farm truck.

I just went back and read the other posts.

You are all right, I need to stop fence sitting, get real, tell my husband and find peace of mind.

I NEED to do that.

If I want attention, coming here is my way of getting the kick in the pants that I need.

I knew I would get that when I started this thread.
I don't want pats on the back; that is not what I need.

Although, understanding works wonders for me.
By understanding, I mean from other WS that understand how hard it is to give up the friendship and attention received from the OP.

Love, Sarah
I really am going to town now!

Sarie,
A NC leter is fairly short. It says that you have made a terrible mistake. You love your H and you are going to work on your M. You want to say that their will never be any further contact and if it's violated you will immediately tell your H.

Your husband needs to know about the affair. Sending a NC letter that a BS has seen and approed is one way of starting the process of recovery. It begins to retore the trust that has been shattered.

cwmac

By understanding, I mean from other WS that understand how hard it is to give up the friendship and attention received from the OP.

Sarie-

I’m a FWH and I’m sorry, but I don’t share your feelings. For me replacing/rebuilding the chunk of integrity I lost by having an A, rebuilding the trust of my BS and repairing my marriage are all much more difficult than giving up the worst things I have ever done.

OM has another lover, and so Sarie is put out I think.


Sarie said also:
"I came here when the affair was still happening yet I am wanting more and more, to be free from it."

And if OM is seeing a woman whom is faithful and not married to anyone else, where is Sarie to go? Answer:?

Well, if this thread don't blow the $h!+ off a flat rock!

I'm flabbergasted, and it takes a LOT 2 gast my flabber!!

Sarie? Okay, I will acknowledge that you can play nice. I will acknowledge nothing more. Read that carefully, it says a lot of just how impressed I am with your integrity.

I can understand Mel's posts completely. After all, what is there 2 say 2 you?

I've posted so much of my "brand of wisdom" 2 you in previous threads, I am now ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED that anything I could possibly add now will be similarly ignored.

I have more experience than I did when I last posted 2 you, so I'll say a 2ple of things more from my own experience - with the full realization that it won't do YOU any good whatsoever. But it gives me the chance 2 thread-jack a bit and give an update on my sitch 2 my friends who've been posting 2 this thread (gadzooks! 5 pages in a day??). It's relevant 2 this thread, but only useful 2 the respondents, not the originator. I've given up on her. ♣ Sorry Sarie, but you know what 2 do: Let the flowers die, close the joint email account (that's SICK, by the way), forget about sending OM anything, and CALL YOUR H AND TELL HIM THE TRUTH RIGHT NOW!!! ...sheez! Why am I bothering?

About me:
*got a "temporary no contact unless I agree 2 it enthusiastically" agreement with my W. For now, that will suffice.
*I don't know whether she's truly out of contact or not. I think so, but it's all up 2 her anyway.
*she's shutting down emotionally from me. I can feel this like a black cloud surrounding us. We still do stuff 2gether, but the distance is greater than it's been in a long time. I don't know whether it's due 2 renewed secrecy, anger directed at me (this is likely anyway, though), or signs she's going through withdrawal from RM. I'd like 2 think it's the latter. But if it is, it's really only just started in the past few weeks - it's that different from anything before.

Sarie, if you read this far, this is what you have 2 "look forward 2" if you ever do tell your H. It will be hard, but you have 2 start, or you'll never finish. I stay with my W because I still believe she's worth it, and that the nice person I met 30 years ago is still inside. Right now, she's not nice a good chunk of the time. In fact, she hasn't been for at least 13 years now. I know why, but I don't think she does and I don't know if she'll figure it out. But she has 2 do that work. I can't do it for her.

I like swiss cheeze pickled beets and horserubbish on my burgers. You could add garlic-grilled cicadas 2 that. I've never tried that (but I *have* had PeTe's cajun barbecue sauce on vanilla ice cream before!).

-ol' 2long

<small>[ May 24, 2004, 02:02 PM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>

I'm pretty new around here but I'm 100% convinced that this is all made up. I live in a rural part of the country and know for a fact that farmers are the nosiest people in the world. They get pretty bored in between planting and picking season. They would make perfect CIA agents. I remember one time being outside at about 3am looking for something with a flashlight for no more than a couple of minutes. About a week later I saw the farmer that lives a couple miles down the road and his first question out of his mouth was "What were you doing up so late the other night?" Farmers miss NOTHING! No way you could go 11 years without some farmer saying something to your husband. Gossip is THE only thing to do in the country.... I need better proof.

<small>[ May 24, 2004, 02:12 PM: Message edited by: Go with the Flow ]</small>

2long pondered...
After all, what is there 2 say 2 you?

It should go like this...

Sarie...note not sorry...
ahem...
Sarie....

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blablah blah blah blah blah blahh blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah

blah blah blah blah blah blah

1. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

2. blah blah blah blah blah blah

3. blah blah blah blah blah blah <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blak (note the mis-spelled word/words which is par for my posts) blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah....

blah blah blah blah blah blah

blah blah blah blah blah blah

threadjack..

Melody is not a snot...she's from TEXAS!!!!
now back to the topic...

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!!!!!!

ARK

I am back from town.
I re-read everone's messages and I do appreciate you all taking the time.

One that stands out is how I am always saying what a nice person I am. I actually think I am but as 'cardinal' pointed out, nice people don't lie, cheat and deceive!

I guess I am like the criminal that says, "yes but I love my mom and am nice to her"....irrevelant!

I am kinda dreading JL posting here because he has tried so hard with me (so have you 2long and others) and I am almost right where I was when I first started posting.

Actually, I am much much closer to stopping this affair; very close to leaving the FOG behind and coming out into the sunshine!

It is TIME to part, time to make amends with my H and give him a chance and let him decide if he wants (or can) forgive me.
Sarah

<small>[ May 24, 2004, 02:21 PM: Message edited by: Sarie ]</small>

sarie..

you aren't in the fog...
you don't do what is right because it is hard..

you bring your cruelness here to innocent people for whom you have no respect and you rub your "looooovvveee" for your OM in their faces

over and over again....

the love you speak of....
is empty shallow COWARDLY wasted emotion...

no matter your spin...

said he thinks about me all the time and has never stopped loving me. Our romance was rekindled.

It seems by choice! Or else it is stronger than choice, not sure.

For the next 4 months, because of shift change by my H, it will be IMPOSSIBLE for Om and I to talk or see each other.

and your biggest cruelest stab right here...

The only good I can see that will come by my posting is that BS's can see how hard it is for us WS's to do the right thing and give up the attention and affection from the OP's!

see cause you aren't trying
and have NO intention of trying...

it's cruel sarie...
out and out cruel..

but I should have just said...

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah bla....

ark

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> By understanding, I mean from other WS that understand how hard it is to give up the friendship and attention received from the OP.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">as a FWW, i wanted to respond to this too. But Robby, i could not say it better than you did:
</font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">replacing/rebuilding the chunk of integrity I lost by having an A,</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">rebuilding the trust of my BS</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and repairing my marriage</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
are all much more difficult than giving up the worst thing I have ever done.

Sarah, i can understand how you are unable to refer to the A as "the worst thing you have ever done". especially considering the length and the impact you have had on each other.

so don't fret over those words, don't even think about them. and by all means, don't try to explain it to us, we know already.

do replace those words with "are now all more important than the A"

all i have to say to you is you are not starting anything until you tell your husband. there is NOTHING you can accomplish for your marriage on your own, including and ESPECIALLY ending contact.

you want a free concious or not?? and when do you want it?? now?? then stop all this talk about OM and the difficulty getting NC and start talking to us about how you plan to tell your H. even if you are not going to execute that plan now. start making the plan on how it would go when you feel ready.

how would you do it? a letter? face to face? with someone present? or just the two of you?

how do you think he will react?? how can you be prepared to help him hear what you have to say?

just because you feel you are not capable of confessing today does not mean you are not capable of begining to SERIOUS think about how to go about it.

i'll tell you a secret. when i first wrote on a post here that i decided i was going to confess, I LIED!!! now i'm not saying i intentionally lied in the hopes of decieve anyone. but as i was typing the words, i was also saying to myself, there is NO WAY i'm ever going to confess this. but i kept talking like i could. i kept imagining it happening. but i can't tell you how many times i would say to myself, "you are full of sh*t, you aren't really going to do this." but then there a funny thing happened. a little voice started chiming in with all those posters here that kept encouraging me, right inside my own head and when i would say to myself "you aren't really going to do this" the other voice would start to say, "well you keep talking like you are going to do this, maybe you really can. maybe you really are working your way into confessing."

i'm not sure if this is making any sense to anyone here, my head can be a very confusing thing to be in.

so maybe if you could just start posting about confessing and write out what comes into your head when you entertain that thought, maybe that will help you move forward.

Note to fellow farmer.

We live in an area where there are NO houses within site of our home.

OM lives 6 miles away on another farm.

My husband farms some but he has an 8 hour a day, 6 days a week job in a larger town.

And yes our small rural town would be like as you described. If the news of our affair had gotten out, it would spread like wildfire with the early morning coffee drinking farmers that meet daily.
Love, Sarah

Sarie:

Not sure who you are or what you are...but it sounds as if are you my former wife.

You really need to get witht the program here. I doubt you will find any thoughts to help you rationalize your behavior.

11 years? Wow. Incredible.

I sincerely doubt your notion of having a conscience.


Good Luck..YOu'll need it !!!!

FL, I like your idea of PLANNING to tell, even if it isn't right now.
Make a plan and try hard to reach that goal.

I too, felt backed into a corner, and told MB friends that I told my husband when we were on our vacation to Florida. (I didn't)

I just wanted everyone off me and I wanted to be admired and respected as someone that had the courage to do the right thing.
(I didn't.)

I had confessed this here before.

But I really feel I am getting closer and am going to succeed.

I wonder if there are other WS that lied to make MB people respect them and welcome them into their 'arms'?

Like 'very regretful', her posts, seemed sincere yet there was stuff going on with her OM posting there and then she even changed her ID.

Oh well, I think we are truthful and sincere here.
Afterall, no one knows us, this is the one place we can tell our heart's secrets!
Love, Sarah

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I too, felt backed into a corner, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">you misunderstood... i did NOT feel backed into a corner.

nor was i trying to:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> get everyone off me or be admired and respected as someone that had the courage to do the right thing</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">in no way did i lie
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> to make MB people respect them and welcome them into their 'arms'? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i don't know how to better describe it. i guess i was backing my way into it, without looking. closed my eyes so to speak. maybe the term "fake it till you make it" applies.

i just kept forcing myself to consider the possiblity and to act as if i believed in the possiblity until i finally did believe and could act.