It’s been almost 2 months since D-Day. We were in a bad place in our marriage, so not that I condone the A at all, I almost understand it. But that hasn’t made the pain any easier. What almost hurts worse than the A is all the personal things he told the OW about us and our marriage and our life. The horrible mean things he said to me to get away with the affair as I was closing in. All I keep running through my head is, IF he really loved me he wouldn’t have done this. We both were going to therapy, but some how now I am the only one going so I can “deal” with my emotions. The OW has moved away, my H and her worked together, but she still hasn’t “gone” away. She finds reason to call either me or him. She is using different names when she calls his work so they will transfer the calls. She calls me to inform me that she is in town and wants my husband to come watch her kid ride motorcross, god does she not realize who she is talking to. My husbands work found out about the A and well long story short, he was suspended from work for a week, without pay, so now we have to deal with lack of money on top of everything else.

I am really concerned about my reaction to this. I’ve come to the conclusion that I really just haven’t dealt with all my emotions yet, almost scared to. There are days all I want to do is cry, there are days I want to just give up on the marriage, there are days I want to track her down and show her the pain she has caused me. And what really gets me, she was once the BS and now she’s the OW. How could you do that to someone knowing the pain? It’s very difficult because he seems to have already gotten over the affair. His whole attitude is, if I’m not discussing it, it’s fine, everything is okay. I haven’t told him that even though it’s been almost 2 months the pain isn’t any less, I think about it almost every minute of every day it seems.

When does the pain start to ease because today it’s overwhelming, and it’s times like this I’m not sure how to handle myself. I worry if I don’t put on my “happy” face and act like everything is okay, all I am going to do is push him away. But at the same time I want him to see how much this is still bothering me.

How do you begin to forgive and when does the pain start to get easier?

<small>[ June 07, 2004, 06:31 PM: Message edited by: LJB0801 ]</small>

Hi LJB,
I too am a BS. My W had a several months long EA over phone & email. Then she had a layover in his city and EA led to PA. For her the EA was much more powerful and hard to get over than the PA. It is still difficult for me to contemplate how the whole thing played out. I trusted her on her trip and it took 6 months for her to tell me of PA. I was aware of EA already then. They did not part on good terms and that helped end it. She says she was in a fog and was not herself. I can attest to this. She was vulnerable and never meant to hurt me, and never stopped loving me either. I believe her. She has done everything in her power to help me through this. Bless her. I guess for me the pain is still new and I look forward to a time when it does not occupy so much of my thoughts. As for forgiveness, that is for each of us to decide in our own time. My best advice is to pray for God's will to be done in this situation and to ask for the strength to get through this. His will, His strength.
One more thing, you are entitled to your feelings. they are yours and yours alone. And remember this, feelings are neither right or wrong, they just are. When sharing your feelings,
be open, be honest, be loving. I hope my post helps, even if a little bit. Keep posting.
Hopeful, rdl

Where did you go, LJB? I was hoping others would post on this. It's been awhile. Later, rdl.