***Posted this on In Recovery, but thought I would post here, as well. Know this forum gets lots of activity.


Was thinking about this all night long and need some help.

WH is due to move out soon. Not sure of exact date but within a few weeks.

D (almost 11) and S (9) are both going to their first overnight camps starting on Father's Day for a week. They are going separately.

Our D is going to horse camp about 45 minutes away from Sunday through Friday. She won't know anyone there.

Our S is going to gymnastics camp about 4 hours away and he will be with 3 other buddies.

My question is if WH moves out BEFORE camp, what will the emotional ramifications be to them?
Will camp be good for them because they will be away from it all?
Will they be sad and scared in the middle of the night ... wanting their Mommy and Daddy?

Feeling REALLY freaked out about this now! Please offer some guidance.

I guess my first question would be is how much do the kids know about your situation now. Have they been told about possible seperation? If they now they are old enough they can express their feelings. I would ask them how they feel about going to camp knowing what is going. They may surprise you. If they don't know about situation they should be told now so they can have time to think about how they feel so they can decide. I would think they should be old and mature enough to at least have their thoughts and feelings given and considered with regards them going to camp. JMO.

We told them, in a very tearful and emotional discussion in November that Daddy was moving out for a while. That adults sometimes need some time to figure out their lives. That sometimes adults don't get along and need some time away.

This was followed by my WH being in a hotel for about 1-1/2 weeks, then returning home.

They have seen their Mom turn from a very capable, cheerful, outgoing person to someone who laid in bed for about a month, lost tons of weight, cried all the time, couldn't even think about making them dinner (thanks for PBJs!!).

They have seen their Dad go out on weekend nights occasionally with his "friends", and emotionally neglect and disconnect from Mom.

On the other hand, he has turned his "Daddy Capabilities and Responsibilities" around. He spends more quality time with them, asks them questions, plays ball with them, takes them to dinner.

I'm no longer in bed (that was last fall) and I'm putting up a pretty good from for them (I think).

Do the kids know H may move out again? They do need to be told. Also I do believe you need to ask them how they feel about going to camp. Not to say they should have total decision. Sometimes parents have to make the decision. But they should be considered. I feel your son will probably want to go because he has 3 buddies going. In fact it would probably be good for him to get away and have some fun. Your daughter could probably use some time away also even though she won't be going with friends she could make some. You could maybe tell the camp counselors that there have been some hard times at home and she may need some extra attention(don't let daughter know this she won't want pity). But I think the kids will appreciate you considering their feelings in this. Although IMHO it would be best for them to be active especially that first week and not be around grieving parents.