onlywords: It means so much to me that you were able to come here and express that.

I am truly sorry for not showing that you weren't first in my life. You've always been so strong and I always felt that my wife (you) were better than everyone else's because of how you treated me and allowed me to do what I thought I needed to do. (I.E. That you allowed me to wear the pants in our family, so to speak). I'm sorry that I put you in that vulnerable position. And now that you're letting me back in, I want to do everything you want me to.

I'll be right there.

Love,
Rich

onlywords - You belong here at marriagebuilders. I am the BS, but after talking to many WS's, I have extreme compassion for them.

I think most get caught up in the A. I know it has to be horrible to go thru this. Please keep posting here. We will help you.

Originally posted by onlywords:
My husband and I will be married 20 years at the end of June.

Congratulations!

The OM, apparentyl, is VERY experienced when it comes to women.

My thoughts exactly He's a serial adulteror ... a very "clintinesque" approach!

You were a target!

So when we got caught, the affair ended. And the more I thought about all the things he said, the angrier I got. I am almost convinced now that he NEVER intended to leave his wife for me and that he only said things to keep the affair going everytime I wanted out.

Of course... he is a womanizer. He used you.


I feel like a complete fool. I feel used, taken advantage of, and just supremely stupid for letting myself believe him. The worst thing is that I want so badly to hate him-have every reason to- but can't let go.

Did you know you can let go without mounting a large pile of hate?

Cool... no?


I know I am probably better off now that he's out of my life,

??? probably???

You're still foggy ... later, after time has healed your pride .... you'll laugh about saying this.

yet the whole withdrawal thing has me a wreck. I keep bashing myself for having withdrawal at all over this idiot.

Don't judge your feelings. Just experience them without a label.

Feelings just ~are~.

Also ... feelings are not a certificate of reality. You can feel things that are not reality based. Like phobias for instance. The fear is real ... although not based in reality.

I know my husband thinks he's an A$#, but then he's a bit biased.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'm not your H...

and I think this OM was a complete and total [censored]...

should we take a MB vote???

LOL

Relax .... don't beat yourself up.

You need to heal.

Don't pick the scabs.

OK...

Relax
breathe
don't rush this
accept yourself where you are in this process

Recovery is tough ... but the rewards are GREAT!

Pep

onlywords,

Welcome and a humble thank you for posting here.
You are helping me and I am sure, many others to understand the other side's perspective through these difficult times. I hope you will find understanding and healing in time to come.

Blessings, R

Dear Onlywords,

I also want to say: Welcome to Mbers! I’m so glad you are here and that you and your H have started to reach out to each other... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Onlywords, there are so many FWSs here who have been there and understands exactly what you’re going through right now. As Pep have said, don’t judge your feelings and don’t beat yourself up over it… accept yourself and give yourself time to heal…it takes time and patience.

O, and Onlywords, one last thing – Counsellors are not there to “fix” people: They are there to help people understand themselves better, to help them let their feelings out and to help them get through difficult situations. Nothing wrong with that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Blessings,
Suzet

Thank you to everyone for the warm welcome and encouragement and acceptance.
Pepperband....thanks for affirming that the OM is an [censored]. I wonder if he's convinced his wife that I was the [censored]?
CV55...you've given me a lot to think about. I realized during the entire affair that it was not reality, and I kept telling OM that, but it wasn't enough to pull me out of the situation. I still am wondering about the romantic feelings side of marriage...if that is a fleeting immature love, then why does this MB site have a guaranteed way to make you fall in love with your spouse again? Why is it something that is so important to so many people, the loss of which we grieve, the thing we crave so badly, but are told will not last and will be replaced by a different but deeper love? If so, then why bother trying to get back thos feelings? So confusing. But I appreciate your response!
To my Husband...I guess you see how stubborn I can be...I didn't even realize that myself until now. I guess I want to be able to do it all myself, not need anyone. We'll get through this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> And my husband is upset because recovery can't start until withdrawal ends </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is not entirely correct. Your withdrawal IS part of your recovery and will have to be dealt with by both of you.

When I read about this OM, onlywords, I can only pray that I was never like that. That guy sounds like such a user (rhymes with loser, eh?).

Yep, you were targeted and manipulated. These guys have a knack for picking up on when you are vulnerable and going in for the kill.

It will be hard, but shift your energy away from this jerk to working through the things that made you vulnerable. What did you get from him that kept you hooked? (Hint: it wasn't anything special about OM, but more about how the whole affair made you feel) How did you give yourself permission to become involved?

Keep posting...

Low

Low,
I think I see what you're getting at. In my mind, I felt as though my husband had "cheated" on me, so to speak, but not with another woman but with everything that took him away from me. I justified my actions with that, and also felt that I deserved to have my needs met and that if he wasn't gonna do it, I'd get it somewhere else. Now those weren't conscious, premediated thoughts....which is why I think I was so vulnerable...I wasn't totally aware what was happening.
As for the OM....I'd like to try to understand why some men are like that. I mean, what is it they need/want/are missing that they become predators? How do THEY justify it? And how did he get away with it for so long? He came right out and told me he slept around for most of his 28 years of marriage and his wife seems clueless, and even after telling her about his "confessions" she seems not to want to believe it and kept asking my H if I understood MY part in this. I guess she thought I was just trying to totally blame him for everything. I shudder to think what he must tell her...yet I'm not surprised he has been able to fool her...he is very smooth, he fooled me, and I'm not a stupid woman, though I do think I'm naive.
Yup, I need to quit obsessing over what he DID to me. I can't change that. Thanks for the advice.

OnlyWords

Dear OnlyWords,

First of all I think it is great that you and your H have posted on this site. I don't think that this is an accident. I think God cares for you both so much and wants you to both be healed and recover. Communication is a vital KEY in this as I am learning myself (am a FWW). However communication takes place keep persuing it.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know you both are receiving some really encouraging posts, and Suzet's post to your husband is also helping me as a FWW to understand myself too.

I was encouraged and helped by your story, and hope you don't mind me adding a few comments with regard to my own situation...


EXTRACTS FROM YOUR POST

...I never thought much of those comments, never thought of it as flirting.

Me neither when it happend with me. I hope I have learned from that, to never get 'too' joking around' with someone of opposite sex. I realise now I was unintentially flirting back by 'taking the bait' and giving off certain vibes for OM to pick up on though I didn't realise it at the time...


...At some point, out of what seems like nowhere, I found myself thinking about him a lot and hoping to run into him.

Exactly how it developed with me. I started to 'warm' to OM and look forward to seeing him more.. (I worked for him)


...What can I say, smart women sometimes do stupid thing, especially when you appeal to their emotions.

Yes we do. We are very emotionally made up and respond (in my case) to words of sympathy, love, attention, flattery. I was totally WON OVER by words by OM to me in txts and when we met. He was particularly skilled in this area and I totally believed everything he said against all rational thought and common sense and morality.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What I didn't realize was that each time, the emotional hook in me towards him became deeper.

I became totally emotionally involved with OM, deeper and deeper with each contact. once physical started I felt I was BOUND up with him and his life and never could imagine being without him. Withdrawal and NC is very hard.

The worst thing is that I want so badly to hate him-have every reason to- but can't let go.

Have been struggling with this too, but in the end had to confess to God (for my part), and accept His forgiveness, and leave OM with God. Not let bitterness or hate destroy ME. It will be YOU it affects and those who care for you. It will take root and destroy you. Best to deal with it now and give your feelings and vents to God. He can take it. He loves you. He wants you and H to be stronger through this, and build a new foundation. I saw new because in a way it is. Don't bottle things up, work through them - together. You got married the year before me. I have been married 19 years in May just gone.

Together on this site we can 'marriage build' again with others. 20 years is an 'investment' for you both. You can come through. We both (me and H) realised we had to learn from this. I struggle with the fact of 'FEELINGS'. I stress that I feel passion for OM but not for my supportive husband. I need to work through this.

HUH? ANyway, at that time, he also "apologized" by saying "I realize what I was doing TO you was wrong." At that, I turned my back and walked away. That just confirmed to me that he was just playing with me after all...not an easy reality to face.

This was more or less how it ended for me, except I broke off txt contact, and ended that way. I had apology after apology and talk of how he 'never wanted to hurt me' but couldn't stop caring etc etc. The reality of being used and the fact of how I let myself be, is certainly not an easy reality to face, as you say.


I was dissatisfied with our marriage, but I can't say i ever thought it was HORRIBLE! I thought I would just have to accept that's the way things were gonna be, and figured the thing for me to do was pursue some interests and hobbies of mine further.

Ending with this quote from you, because this is how it STARTED with me. We just plodded on, without communicating much, just pursuing our OWN hobbies and interests until the 'two' stopped becomming one.This is the danger of not watching out for warning signs in a marriage. We start to actively pursue our own interests to 'forget' or become over involved in work. These are how affairs start generally.. In a workplace or leisure activities, or casual aquaintences becoming more 'personal' through opening up and responding to each other in more of a joking fun way which makes you laugh at the time or gets your back up, but is still creating an opening for a potential relationship to develop.

Thanks all for listening and reading. Thank you for your contributions to this site.

Kas

OnlyWords - for what it's worth, I've been reading these stories for almost four years now and I have to tell you - you are not unique.

Change the names and minute details and you and your H are just like all the rest, to a point (more on this last clause below). This means that all the information on this site applies to you and you have an excellent chance for recovery.

Where you differ from the majority is that you both are here. This gives you added assurance that you can recover with a better marriage than you ever imagined was possible.

I can't offer specific advice because I never had the chance to be where you are today. But many others here have. Please listen to them.

Onlywords, I’ve sent you a response to the “To all the WWs out there” thread. Just for incase you'll miss it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Posting to the same people on different threads may become confusing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Kas, I enjoy reading your posts and I’m so glad this place (Mbers) is here where people can support and encourage each other. I really think this is a God send place. I’m glad my posts can be helpful to you. I also gain very much from reading your posts and the more I read it, the more I see the similarities from what we both have learned from our experiences, especially the following: “I have learned from that, to never get 'too' joking around' with someone of opposite sex. I realise now I was unintentially flirting back by 'taking the bait' and giving off certain vibes for OM to pick up on though I didn't realise it at the time...”. It was the same with me… I didn’t take and make these type of ‘jokes’ with the opposite sex in person, however, I’ve started to respond to OM’s ‘jokes’ on e-mail... The computer screen made me feel ‘safe’ since there was not direct contact with OM in person (where I could see him or hear his voice). So, I have learned flirting and joking on e-mail and through Internet can just be as damaging and dangerous... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Kas, I’ve also send a response to you on “all WWs out there” thread.

Greetings, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Suzet

I want to just say Wow. There has been so much outpouring of love to this thread it boggles my mind. Thank you all so much.

onlywords: your screen name does not seem appropriate, because they are SO much more than that. I wish I had more time to respond here, but work is hectic today. We can talk more later tonight. Thanks!

Suzet/TopRope/KiwiJ/CV55/Believer/Pep/Ruffled/
LowOrbit/BrokenVessel/WAT:

Thanks to ALL of you for your input, comments, helpfulness and above all LOVE. Because I truly believe that you wouldn't be here helping others while also trying to heal yourself if it weren't for the love in each and everyone of your hearts!!

(Where is the Graemlin for a heart?)

Only W,

Thank you for sharing! !
Hopefully you got something out of this & will decide to continue (at your own pace of course).
I am confident that Rec H appreciates you opening up this way.

As I wrote earlier, even if your communicating through a message board, the good news is that you ARE relating to each other.
Next, I can appreciate HOW Very Difficult this probably was for you. SO Good For YOU!
I hope that just getting your OWN story out has had at least some cathartic effect for you.

Many times it is easier to be More honest with your S when he/she is not looking directly at you, making expressions or even noises (or the best one constantly interrupting you as you try to answer).

Perhaps in the future you will have your own questions, about how to handle the recovery process from your side of the fence.

*Important*- Please continue to stay away from the OM and let your own withdrawal process end.

This is a huge step for the 2 of you, so keep it up. You both are still going to have many down times, (sad but true) so just keep that in mind. The recovery process is very rocky at times. However, since you both seem committed to it, it can work out in the end.

You also can't know how many other people out there you are helping by showing them that BOTH spouses can come here and heal their M as well as themselves. There are not many couples posting here together, but it can only be a plus when they both are doing so.

To end, if you haven't read Surviving An Affair it would benefit you to do so. It can help you with understanding about what happened, how to overcome and heal it, and then how to make sure it Never happens again. This book is just one of many, but its a great place to start, especially since you are here at this site.

Again welcome. It won't always be easy or pleasant, but it will be worth it. Hope you decide to stick around.
Anyway, Congratulations for taking this first step!

I wish you both continued success in your efforts to reunite and reconnect.
TAKE Care.

Top Rope,
Thank you for the vote of confidence. I'm glad it helps others to see a couple going through this together....makes things seem more real, I guess. The thing i realized this morning was that we may not be getting through this gracefully, but we are getting through it. I also realized that my tendency has been to discount our progress because with all these feelings I have, it doesn't seem as though I'm staying away from the OM, but the reality is, I AM STAYING AWAY! Every day then is a small victory, and although it doesn't feel very good right now, I did what was important to do, whether I felt like it or not. I wasn't giving myself any credit for that. I also finally understand what is meant by taking things one day at a time and living in the here and now.
Thanks for your support and input!

Only Words,

I too want to say welcome to this forum. I also wanted you to consider a quote by Eli Weismann </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The state that you should attain with regard to the OM is that of indifference. I mention this because you are focusing on what other people think of your OM, specifically your H. He hates OM as well he should, but as he heals he will come to a state of indifference as long as OM is out of his life. That comes with accepting that YOU made your own decisions, you allowed the affair to start and continue, and you must deal with that.

However, if you will let your H into your heart more, and talk with him more, it will help you address your own feelings and frankly it will help him. Yes, it will hurt, but you see what HE needs to do is rebuild confidence, and you talking to him about things you need help with or need to just get out while often hurtful is HONEST.

Also, I think the love that most here talk about rebuilding maybe has components of the "just in love" feelings one has when a relationship or marriage just starts. However, what I think you will find is that you will come to love your H on levels you have never even known him and he will with you. As you two work through this you have and will expose levels of yourself that you have heretofore kept hidden. Even on this particular thread I think you have and are seeing elements of your H you did NOT think existed. His first responses to you when he did not know it was you are very indicative.

Only Words, he has seen elements of your he did NOT know existed, certainly the A is part of that. BUT, even in your A he is seeing parts of you that you kept hidden from him while supporting him, that you wanted open but could not figure out how to show him. He is seeing them now. As you two heal, talk, discuss, and work on levels neither of you ever expected to work on, you will develop a love that is very deep.

It happens here Only Words, it really does. You two have big open wounds and there will be scars, but you are also now more open for the other to see what is within you. That is the love people here are talking about. Your H has been devastated by this A, he thinks he is less of a man. Yet, you see him differently don't you? You have been hurt by this as well, and you feel less of a W, you have guilt. Yet, as you heal I think you will find that he sees you differently now, more complex, deeper, and someone that is worth all of his love.

If you have learned anything from this whole exercise you have learned that HE DOES LOVE YOU. He is willing to endure a lot for you, just as you were willing to endure for him and his career. You will come to see that there is more balance here than differences. Then you will love each other differently. You will see the flaws in your H, but you will see the strengths. He will see the flaws, but he will see the strengths as well.

Only Words, smile, you are about to go on a very interesting and enlightening journey, and you KNOW there is someone willing to go on it with you, IF you will let him.

Please refect on these things, I think you are about to learn something about your marriage and love you never realized before,and it will be good.

God Bless,

JL

PS: I am really glad you are here.

onlywords -

Good to see you still posting. You can get through this with a better marriage than before. I have been here for awhile and have completely changed.

That is why this site is so wonderful.

Suzet: You had a post back on page one that had four questions. I'd like to post a reply to them here.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

1. Be your W’s greatest friend and confidant. Encourage her to confide in you and create an environment & atmosphere that will allow her to feel safe and secure to reveal her innermost feelings to you... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It appears we are now working toward this goal. This thread has led to a communication breakthrough for us. Thanks so much!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> 2. Be you W’s ‘sounding-board’ during this difficult time... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We've been able to talk to each other these last few days where we were stuck before. There are still roller coaster hills, but at least as someone said, the roller coaster is still going forward.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> 3. Realize that your W will go through stages and feelings of guilt, self-rejection etc. During this times, try to let him feel accepted, tell her that she made a mistake, but has decided to turn away and follow the right path. During times like this remind her that he is forgiven by both you and God. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We haven't discussed our beliefs lately. One of the things that made us vulnerable to this A, was that we quit our church two or three years ago and never found a replacement. We need to at least talk about that some more. We both believe in God but sort of abandoned him AND the church through all of this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If you W needs to talk and you feel it’s not the right time for you at that moment, have the courage to tell her that you really want to listen to her, but on another time when you feel stronger and ready to listen. At the same time your W must also have the understanding and care to allow you to be honest towards her too. This is really a give and take situation. Your W must also encourage YOU to speak to HER whenever you need it or feels like it. On this way both of you will help each other to heal and recover. On this way you will become EACH OTHER’S greatest friends and confidants. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We're working on these. Thanks so much.

RH

Suzet: You stated in the thread "Topic: To all the WWs out there" to onlywords:

I wanted to provide some additional information.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Onlywords, the difference in our situations as far as contact with the OM is concerned, is that there is a chance that you might see OM EVERY DAY, but with me it only happen once in a while… Some times months went by before I bump into him, and some times it happen a few times a week, but at least it doesn’t happen every day. I can ‘hear’ and see this is a big problem to you and I know how difficult it is to deal with this. Here follows some suggestions:

1. First it might help if you send OM a short NC-letter stating that the A was wrong and hurtful to you H; that you love your H; wants to work on your M and don’t want to have any further contact or friendship with him at all. You can ask him not to try to contact you and if you accidentally bump into him, he must ignore you and just pass by. Your H must approve the letter before you send it and it must be signed by both of you. I’ve written a similar letter to OM and it really helped. You will still experience uncomfortable feelings etc. but the letter will give you some reassurance.

2. If you accidentally bump or see OM, try to act normal and just ignore him like you would if he was a total stranger… Don’t greet him or pay any attention. I know it’s not easy to ‘hide’ feelings, but for your own sake and your M’s sake, you have to do it. Don’t trust your feelings and instincts right now… Don’t give OM any chance to re-connect with you. Keep the 'door' closed.

3. I understand you don’t like your tendency to ‘hide’, but if it means avoiding contact with OM (especially now while you’re in withdrawal and early recovery) then it's a good thing. I’ve also doing the same thing in the beginning (avoid going out of the office or going to places where I might bump into OM) but as I have given myself some time and patience to heal, I have experienced those tendency to ‘hide’ does become better. But right now, with your situation, you need to ‘avoid’ OM to protect yourself and your H. Especially since you feel so vulnerable. Try to avoid those places where you might bump into him during a specific time of the day etc. Later, when you’re further in recovery and not in withdrawal anymore, you will be better able to handle those situations.

4. Try to share those feelings of discomfort, fear of bumping into OM etc. with your H and get it out. It will strengthen the bond between the two of you and give you some relief from those feelings. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

1. A NC letter was sent within a week or two after dday. I saw OM three times the first week after dday where I went to his house to talk to his W or him. I told him that he was not permitted on my property under any circumstances. Two times he broke that and his W a 3rd time. After the 2nd time, I also, sent a NC letter with a 2nd letter from the W. Recently (2 weeks ago), she sent "another" NC letter. It was actually a card she sent him on his birthday that basically told him good bye and that he had gotten what he wanted. I did not approve this last letter. The W thought it would mean more if she did it on her own. That led to some of our recent issues (covered under threads else where). We've moved on from this item.

2. With the eruption of emotions this week, discussions and even this board, I believe that onlywords is better able to deal with this now. Also, since the blowup 2 weeks ago, it appears OM is not flaunting himself by driving by so much. We did pass him two days ago when he drove over to his brothers house and the W did not wave or show anything towards him, nor him to us. This is good.

3. With schoool over for the summer, it appears that this too will be easier. She has been mowing the lawn at different times so as not to be out there when he might go by.

4. We're working on this.

Recovering H,

Thanks so much for your posts, update and the additional information you have provided. I’m so glad all the posts on this thread could be of so much help to both of you. I’m happy that you two have finally begun to ‘find’ each other again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You know recovering H, if I look back on how this thread started and how things have progressed so positively for you and & W in such a short period of time, I really think it’s wonderful! However, the recovery road is long and difficult and requires much time and patience… Sometimes it will be 1 step forward and 2 step backwards, but eventually there will be progress. The fact that you & your W have made this communication breakthrough last week is a VERY HUGE step forward in the right direction. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Recovering H, this is the first time I have logged on to this site since Friday (don’t use Internet at home), so I haven’t yet read you and your W’s recent posts on other threads. You have said the following: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A NC letter was sent within a week or two after dday. I saw OM three times the first week after dday where I went to his house to talk to his W or him. I told him that he was not permitted on my property under any circumstances. Two times he broke that and his W a 3rd time. After the 2nd time, I also, sent a NC letter with a 2nd letter from the W. Recently (2 weeks ago), she sent "another" NC letter. It was actually a card she sent him on his birthday that basically told him good bye and that he had gotten what he wanted. I did not approve this last letter. The W thought it would mean more if she did it on her own. That led to some of our recent issues (covered under threads else where). We've moved on from this item.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The birthday card was definitely not a good idea and it doesn’t sound if you W state clearly and directly to OM that he must stay away from her and not contact her in any way... In fact, I think OM could interpreted that card as an excuse from her to have one last contact with him again… Surely this wasn’t your W’s intention, but is very possible that the OM might interpreted it that way. Anyway, I really think if OM breaks contact again, it will be a good idea if your S still sends him a PROPER NC-letter that gives him the message loud and clear (as I’ve suggested in the other post). You’ve said the sending of the Bday card led to some recent issues between you and your W. Can you please give me links to those posts/thread so that I can read about it? You’ve also said that you’ve moved on from that item… Do you mean that the recent issues aren’t a problem anymore and that you and your W have sorted it out? If so, that’s good! </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Also, since the blowup 2 weeks ago, it appears OM is not flaunting himself by driving by so much. We did pass him two days ago when he drove over to his brothers house and the W did not wave or show anything towards him, nor him to us. This is good.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is indeed a good sign, but I will still be very cautious if I’m your W and not trust the ‘peace’ at all… Of course OM will not wave/greet if both you & your W are present, but he might still try to greet her if she’s alone and even though your W might ignore him… His true intentions can’t be trusted and your W must just be very careful not noticing his presence at all.

From what both you & your W posted I can see that your W (in spite of the difficult withdrawal period she’s going through right now) really try her best to avoid the OM and that she don’t want to have any contact with him... I think this shows you clearly how committed your W is towards you and the M! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> One of the things that made us vulnerable to this A, was that we quit our church two or three years ago and never found a replacement. We need to at least talk about that some more. We both believe in God but sort of abandoned him AND the church through all of this.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Recovering H, I believe God must be the center of any marriage… I see a God-feared marriage as a triangle where the H and W is the 2 corners on the bottom and where God is the top corner where H and W joins him and each other... I believe an H and W can only became ‘one’ on all levels and have a real, strong and bonding relationship through an intimate relationship with God. To the contrast, Satan hate marriages and will do anything to destroy it… Recovering H, the fact that you and your W have acknowledged this ‘void’ in your lives and M and that both of you is willing to work on this and correct it, is also a step in the right direction! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Blessings,
Suzet

<small>[ June 14, 2004, 04:46 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>