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Please comment as soon as you're able. I would like to deliver this as soon as possible.
many thanks,
schander
Dear WW,
I fear my previous letter was not as clear as it should’ve been about my feelings for you and my intentions in separating from you. This affair has made and continues to make me upset and after some space, some clearer thinking and the advice of friends and counselors I feel I need to clarify some things.
First and foremost I am by no means “okay” with this affair and what it has done to our love, though I personally am as “okay” as I can be. I would never encourage ANYONE to pursue what you are pursuing but I feel things are out of my control. I do not WANT you to date this person, I do not want you to even KNOW this person but these are not things I have a say in anymore other than to clearly state that I am disappointed in the decision. In all honesty, I am devastated by it.
I am deeply saddened by what has become of us, our friendship and our marriage.
The years we’ve spent together were filled with an endless numbers of hugs, smiles, laughs and even a few tears but I have loved you every minute of every day that we’ve spent together.
I realize that I have not helped you with some of your most important concerns and needs and that my lack of involvement in helping you find your new direction since leaving your teaching career helped drive a wedge into our marriage. I apologize to you for that. You must know that I never intended to hurt you or push you away from me.
The pain your affair has had on me is truly unimaginable. Continued contact with you has the potential of absolutely destroying my love for you and I don’t want that to happen.
It is because of his that I must insist that we have no contact with each other until you are no longer involved with OM in ANY way. I ask that you respect my decision. In the event of an emergency or any necessary financial matters, please contact your mom and she will contact me. I will be dropping off checks and mail at your parents house beginning this weekend.
Once your relationship is over completely, please contact me and I will be willing to discuss the restoration of our friendship and marriage.
Futher, I am unable to protect you from the consequences of your choice to have an affair, as much as I still feel compelled to do so by love and friendship. I simply can not be put into a position to lie to others who are close to me and who might give me support during the most difficult time of my life.
I am committed to our marriage and to you and I still have faith that we can overcome this, together. Beginning today, I walk forward in life and I do want you to walk with me.
I love you.
Schander
<small>[ June 25, 2004, 12:12 PM: Message edited by: schander ]</small>
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schander: My advice is to focus on your decision. try not to make judgmental comments like “First and foremost I am by no means “okay” with this affair and what it has done to our love, though I personally am as “okay” as I can be. I would never encourage ANYONE to pursue what you are pursuing but I feel things are out of my control.” Also don’t stress how devastated you are by the A. It makes you seem weak and S’s in A’s hate that. Simply state your decision your terms and end it. I wrote a letter to my W to state my position. It’s not a plan B letter, but has many of the elements I just mentioned. Check it out at Should I Explain Why I'm fighting D?Good luck
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Looks good!
Cut down on the 2nd paragraph a bit and add something such as, "I'm learning how relationships work and how I can become a better partner in the relationship. I want to be someone you can look to for anything and someone you can enjoy being with."
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thank you for the comments so far.
Any more? Please. I need to (for me) give this "new" version today.
schander
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thank you for the comments so far.
Any more? Please. I need to (for me) give this "new" version today.
schander
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thank you for the comments so far.
Any more? Please. I need to (for me) give this "new" version today.
schander
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Same as above, cut out the hurt, but I would add a line or two about hwo much you still love him and how you would like to stay married and would like to work on the M, in your very eloquent voice.
Good Job!!!
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Final(?) version with suggestions made.
Dear WW,
I fear my previous letter was not as clear as it should’ve been about my feelings for you and my intentions in separating from you. This affair has obviously shaken my foundation but after some space, some clearer thinking and the advice of friends and counselors I feel I need to clarify some things.
It’s important to me that you know that I am by not “okay” with this affair, though I personally am as “okay” as I can be. I do not WANT you to date this person, I do not want you to even KNOW this person but these are not things I have a say in anymore other than to clearly state that I am disappointed by the situation. Through “Marriage Builders”, counseling and my readings I'm learning more about how relationships work and how I can become a better partner in the relationship. I want to be someone you can look to for anything and someone you can enjoy being with even as you’re struggling with life’s toughest decisions.
I am deeply saddened by what has become of us, our friendship and our marriage.
The years we’ve spent together were filled with an endless numbers of hugs, smiles, laughs and even a few tears but I have loved you every minute of every day that we’ve spent together.
I realize that I have not helped you with some of your most important concerns and needs and that my lack of involvement in helping you find your new direction since leaving your teaching career helped drive a wedge into our marriage. I apologize to you for that. You must know that I never intended to hurt you or push you away from me. I love you too much to consciously do anything other than be your closest friend, lover and confidante.
The pain your affair has and is causing me is indescribable and continued contact with you has the potential of absolutely destroying my love for you and I don’t want that to happen.
It is because of this that I must insist that we have no contact with each other until you are no longer involved with OM in ANY way. I ask that you respect my decision. In the event of an emergency or any necessary financial matters, please contact your mom and she will contact me. I will be dropping off checks and mail at your parents house beginning this weekend.
Once your relationship is over completely, please contact me and I will be willing to discuss the restoration of our friendship and marriage.
Futher, I am unable to protect you from the consequences of your choice to have an affair, as much as I still feel compelled to do so by love and friendship. I simply can not be put into a position to lie to others who are close to me and who might give me support during the most difficult time of my life.
I am committed to our marriage and to you and I still have faith that we can overcome this, together. Beginning today, I walk forward in life and I do want you to walk with me. I always have.
I love you.
Schander
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I like it. Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
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any final comments or can/should I deliver?
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<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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anyone else? Bueller? Bueller?
: )
schander
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schander, go with it; it's really good. Believe me, if Chris can't find anything wrong with it, no one can! IT'S A CUT! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane: <strong> schander, go with it; it's really good. Believe me, if Chris can't find anything wrong with it, no one can! IT'S A CUT! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOl ....... Did you mean "It's a wrap!" Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband: <strong> LOl ....... Did you mean "It's a wrap!" Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WHATEVER!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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