The ex showed up.
Thursday she's close by (60 miles) to visit her dad, who's pretty sick.
Doesn't bother to call earlier in the week when she knew she was coming to set up someting with the kids.
She waits until Friday night to call my oldest d and says she wants to visit.
They go shopping for an hour. (I love you, see? I buy you things!)
Saturday, my d goes to a concert.

Sunday morning I get a call from the guy my d went to the concert with. He asks if I have seen her?!?
Then my ex calls a few minutes later and asks me if I know where my d is. (I haven't spoken with ex but maybe 30 minutes in the last 3+ years). My d's friend had her cell phone and called my ex, that is how she knew.

Seems my d got drunk, passes out before the concert even starts and won't wake up.
Takes an ambulance ride to the hospital, spends all night in the ER, then the next 8 hours in detox.

Sunday, I called the hospital, trying to locate her (she's 18), the only thing the hospital would tell anyone is that she was discharged at 8 AM.
Finally found out she's in detox.
Anyway, she's "okay" now. There were no "problems" medically, anyway.

I call home and get messages off the answering machine. The ex left a message. She's all sobby (oh boo freakin' hoo) and tells our youngest d that she was sorry she didn't get to see her.

<small>[ June 28, 2004, 01:19 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Chris,

Those exes can certainly yank our chains, can't they?
FWIW I still get irritated at my xH's lack of consideration where his girls are concerned - failure to call, mail, acknowledge birthdays, let any of us know when he plans to visit. Argh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

On the bright side, it sounds like yours rarely makes an appearance, so you're good until 2010, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

More worrisome is your D. How upsetting that she went through that trip to the hospital, etc. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Have you been to see her? Is she really okay? Are YOU okay?

(((((Chris)))))

chris, i'm not sure what to say but just want to say SOMETHING because of all the wonderful help you have been to me and to others here. maybe what has happened will serve as some kind of wake up call for someone; your ex, your D, a friend, or even someone who works at the hospital. not sure why this happened but it did for a reason. has your daughter had a problem w/drinking before? i mean back in my young days i've passed out from drinking before but didn't need detox. but i guess if she couldn't wake up that's a pretty serious thing i just now how being completely passed out feels or what is when someone else is that way and it can be pretty difficult to wake them up in anyway.

much prayers for you and your family, RR

Yeah, I picked her up later that day.
The hospital discharges to detox after there are no medical reasons to keep them.
They send them to detox until they have .000 BAC.

She talked with a counselor there for quite a while.

She did get arrested when she was 13 cause she was drunk (friends house and they broke intot the Wild Turkey). She kinda freaked out, went outside and started yelling. Neighbors called the cops. This was two weeks before the ex left.

Some counseling is definitely on the agenda. Maybe AA, at least to let her get the "inside scoop" on what CAN happen".

Very unlikely the ex will do anything different. When d got arrested previously, she said, "oh, she's just being a kid. You did things like that too."
I imagine she'll call a few times in the next couple of weeks and then no contact for another 6 months or so (again).

Hello,

As a rule, I don't particularly like what you post or the way you post it, however, I can tell that you do care about your kids. I respect that. It is in that vein that I offer the following advice. Feel free to ignore it.

I'd be real careful sending and 18 year old girl to AA. There is even a name for "helping" girls in AA . . . 13th stepping. It's kind of sick trying to pick-up a young girl with alcohol problems.

A co-worker of mine has been going to AA for years. It works for him . . . I asked him what he would suggest for an 18 year old girl, this is his list.


http://www.moderation.org/
http://www.rational.org/
http://www.secularhumanism.org/sos/
http://www.unhooked.com/index.htm
http://www.smartrecovery.org/
http://www.womenforsobriety.org/

<small>[ June 28, 2004, 03:18 PM: Message edited by: Comfortably Numb ]</small>

Sorry to hear about your problems.

Yes, I will definietly do a bit of research before she actually goes.
AA was simply the first thing I thought of.

I'll have a look at your suggestions.
Thanks!

AA has all female meetings sometimes...

and teen meetings too.

There you go again Chris. I don't know a damn thing about any of these groups that I sent. I was given the list.

I do have a lot of problems but I don't remember telling you about any of them. Maybe you are clairvoyant? Alcohol has never been my twist.

My office mate is active in AA. He tells me stories . . . some are funny . . . others aren't. All I know about AA is what he says. It might really be a wonderful place . . .

AA is for alcoholics. It is not for a kid that binge drinks.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Comfortably Numb:
<strong>
I do have a lot of problems but I don't remember telling you about any of them. Maybe you are clairvoyant? Alcohol has never been my twist.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">huh? Where in the world does this attitude come from? Chris thanked you for posting the list. I don't get this.

Chris, I do agree that she shouldn't go to AA unless she is really an alcholic. Perhaps an AA OPEN TALK with you would help. But it really isn't for kids or binge drinkers, especially young girls.

If she really does have a need for AA, its always best to call up AA and have them assign an old battleaxe <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> like me to show her the ropes.

I guess I'm not surprised you got a bit ticked off since it's your "rule" that you don't like what I post or how I post.

Would you please put your rule on hold for this one post?

Let me rephrase what I posted previously, which I believe is what you had a problem with.
"Sorry to hear about your problems with my postings."

You gave me a list & I said I would look into it. I know nothing of these orgs either.

Again, I say "Thanks!"

My panties are in a bit of a wad today.

Sorry.

I guess I should stop looking for the worst in folks. Humm . . . now if I could apply that to life.


The phrase "teenage daughter" scars the hell out of me. My daughter isn't quite a year old yet.

If ya' want a learning experience, I'll trade ya' for a few months! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Chris,
I would freak if my 18 yr old disappeared and didn't answer her cell phone.

And, I don't have any advice either.

But, I do have a comment on the X, I really can't imagine knowing one daughter has had a traumatic event...and blowing off seeing the other daughter...I think I would make the time and take a few extra days. When your W went walkaway, she really lost it all.

Your kids are fortunate to have you.

The big problem was her friend had her cell phone.

He went to the hospital with her (about 9 PM). They told him he couldn't stay.
He got a hotel, went back in the morning and they told him "she's been discharged". They wouldn't give him ANY further information at all.
He went back and got her car (at the concert place) and that's when he called me.
He had all her stuff. She didn't have anything with her, except the clothes she was wearing. My SIL lives up there and she didn't get a call either so we were pretty freaked out for an hour or so.
They were about 60 miles from our house. Me & my youngest were at a friends house only about two miles away from the concert place.

She didn't even see the concert. They were drinking in the parking lot prior to it starting.
So the cost (ALL hers) of this little "incident"?

Concert - $40
Ambulance ride - $300-$600
Hospital - $300
Detox - $320

Saying I told ya' so? - Priceless
(THIS IS A JOKE PEOPLE! I DID NOT SAY THIS! It just fit after I put the costs)

Concerning the ex, as Red Foreman says, "[censored]!"

<small>[ June 28, 2004, 05:51 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Chris, I was quite surprised to see a post by you. You've been very helpful to me and I wanted to offer my support. Sounds like the boyfriend did a decent job given the circumstances. Good luck finding the right place for your daughter. You have done quite a job providing stability for these kids. I'm sure I don't need to tell you parenting but I would just use this opportunity to improve communication with daughter or simply re-inforce it if it's already A+. In other words don't freak out and let her know you are someone she can turn to no matter what.

WOE

Chris - hang in there buddy.
Thinking of you and hoping today is better

Chris -

I love your posts. I am much, much older than you, and very old fashioned. However I have raised 6 teenagers.

Sorry, but I do blame the boyfriend. My step-daughter got into a similar problem, except she was in Mexico. I told her and her boyfriend that I held him accountable for the fiasco.

I still believe that the male has some responsiblity to protect the female. That is how I am raising my sons.

Yes, it was your daughters fault, but I hold her boyfriend responsible too.

Chris,

Been there done that with my then 16 OS. 4 yrs ago the day we were leaving to go to the airport & then leaving the next morning to move overseas, he doesn't show for a go away dinner. Hours later, I finally locate him, when a woman calls & tells me my son is passed out in her house. Total bill from the ER $1500, I don't remember my portion.

Think it was his first drinking experince, however not his last, we moved to were drinking age was 18 expat kids were targeted by the clubs.I spent a very long yr there....well water under the bridge....

My son refused to go for any kind of help, of course, he was dealing with his dad's A at the time. We moved back to the states in a yr, and like most places the drinking age ia 21 but kids all have a way to get it. ( [I]Have always wondered when they busted the Bush twins in Austin for underage drinking, fake IDs, were they the only 2 that got busted? Being a Texan, and the mother and teacher of teanagers fake IDs are about as common as fireants in TX [I] sorry off topic

Well after 4 yrs, many parties, some really dumb things, my son comes home from a trip back to where we lived overseas, and tells me "Mom, you are right I am one of those people who really can't drink. I got drunk 8 nights in a row while I was gone. I never meant to, I take a drink and then bext thing I know I'm drunk. I don't care if I stay home & do nothing, I'm not drinking anymore."

We talked about AA; however he thought he try it his way first. We talked about a friend of mine who had a problem in her teens in early 20's and he knows he can call or email her anytime.

at first he was staying in alot, however in the last wk or so I can tell he is been going out more. I asked him about the drinking. He said it is not a problem because all of his friends agreed with him that he had a problem and don't bug him to drink or anything.

The past 4 yrs have been very hard on me, as I am a non drinker, for religious reasons and knowing my son was going down this path; however things got better between us once I was more open with him. I told him I didn't like what he was doing and he couldn't at my house, (He now lives with his dad, who won't let him drink there either, when dad is in town) however I told I rather know what he was doing then wonder.

Good luck and may all of our children stay safe

<small>[ June 28, 2004, 10:46 PM: Message edited by: sing ]</small>