Before my H's affair he was pretty selfish with money. He paid the bills and made sure there was food in the house, but all extra money went to buy things for him. I never got many gifts (except for holidays like Christmas, Vday, our anniversary and my birthday and sometimes not even then) I really didn't care. I've never been materialistic. I don't have my hair or nails done at the beauty shop and don't spend money on personal things hardly ever. Money was never much of an issue before . It IS now! I saw the bank statements, credit card statements and his bill book from the time he was with the OW. Every extra dime he made went towards making her happy. Either it was spent on something specifically for her, or something for them both to enjoy (even a time share !)

It matters to me now because it clearly shows whether or not I matter to him. He can be generous, but apparently only when he is with someone he wants to be generous with. Now that he is back with me and things have settled down, he is back to spending on his *toys* (you know? guy things, sports stuff etc) I am back to feeling totally insignificant.

A box came in the mail today. Something comes in the mail atleast 3 times a week. He said "guess what this is?" I didn't try. I wanted to say "I have no idea what it is, but I'm 99.999% sure of who it's for" I didn't say it. That would have been a LB.

There is something I have wanted him to do since we got back together, something that would probably cost about 300.00. He said he would do it when he had the money. He hasn't done it, and judging by the amount of things he has purchased off the net lately he does have the money.

<small>[ July 01, 2004, 07:06 PM: Message edited by: toomanylies ]</small>

I'm in the same position, except WH is still with the OW. They have made short work of our savings, and all of his paycheck for the last 16 months.

I was like you, never cared about materialistic things. Most of our money went to H and kids.

The thing that drives me crazy is that he tells me how she doesn't care about money. She has never worked - was a stay at home mom, while her BH worked 3 jobs.

She may not care about money, but has sure had great fun spending all of ours. It just makes me furious.

"The thing that drives me crazy is that he tells me how she doesn't care about money. She has never worked - was a stay at home mom, while her BH worked 3 jobs." There are all different kinds of gold diggers believer. The kind everyone thinks of are beautiful women who marry or screw around with very wealthy men. I think that there are MANY more of the other type though, women who aren't beautiful and can't get the very wealthy men settle for one who can just pay the bills and help with the financial side of raising children.

In all the years I have known my husband I never once considered him stupid or nieve, until his last OW used him the way she did and he just couldn't see it.

My h wanted to believe that money was not her motive. take my word for it, it was her entire motive and anyone with half a brain could have figured that out. That is unless they were blinded by the fog and a desire to believe otherwise.

If your H's OW doesn't care about money, what happened to your savings? Why is your H spending all of his paycheck on someone who doesn't care about that? Hmmm <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> My H tried to tell me that his XOW paid half of all the bills, that any money he spent on things that were really just her bills she reimbursed him for. What he apparently didn't consider when he told me that is I am capable of doing basic math!

Oh dear - they are just in the fog. It really makes me disgusted. I am so tired of hearing how the OW is not interested in money. It's almost funny, because my WH has gone through about $70,000., with nothing to show for it.

I didn't do the nails/designer clothes/etc. thing either prior to FWH's A, but I sure do now. He bought several big ticket items prior to A and although FOW didn't get any of our money, after the A the money issue struck. Now I don't deny myself just because he has something he wants. If you don't stand up for yourself, who will? I make at least half of the income in this family, so by George I plan to spend some of it!