Sprezz,
Here I am again!
Have you noticed that trying to "get it" isn't working, helping you or making any difference in your life situation? A wise person told me when I was in this that I needed to stop trying to understand..lean not on your own understanding.
Instead look inside yourself...what inside you can be strengthened so that you are at peace no matter what your circumstances? I realized that I had placed way to much importance on my H, being married and many other things. My relationship with God needed deepening and much more. As you are able to ACCEPT the situation you are in, do what you CAN (which is only control yourself) and gain the courage to face whatever the future holds, trusting in God that you will be OK no matter what.
This is a place of peace that feels so amazing--I am not always able to be there, but am miles from where I was, even pre-A. That is my gift from all of this.
I know you want a listening ear, and it seems you have lots of supporters to vent to. I am sorry that I just can't listen so well sometimes--I just see from your posts that you seem stuck. The only way out that I can see is acceptance. Work on loving yourself and building a life that doesn't rely on the particular outcome of your H coming back and your M working out. Give him the space he seems to need to work out whatever it is. You just CAN'T do it for him. And btw, you may never completely understand. Hard as that is, that may need to be accepted too.
Hang in there.
