thanks

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 10:11 AM: Message edited by: 1Tin Man ]</small>

Family

Go right now and edit your profile....change your screen name. Your posts will still be here under that new name.

ok.

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 10:15 AM: Message edited by: 1Tin Man ]</small>

star*fish is right. You can change your name by clicking on "my profile" at the top of the page.

If you have any problems or other questions, please feel free to email me.......

JustUss, I sent you an email.

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 10:17 AM: Message edited by: 1Tin Man ]</small>

Tin Man, I have been following your posts, and I was just wondering what would be so HORRIBLE about her facing what she is doing to you and to your children? Put it all out there for her, it's ugly and she should realize her responsibility in all of this. You haven't done or said anything out of context, as far as I can see. Am I missing something? Maybe she should develop her own screen name and get some help!

Be strong, don't be afraid! Be honest with her, she needs to see what this is doing to you!

Let me just add one more thing, just in case your wife does find this thread. I am emotional about this and I want to say something to you about secrecy. I know we are suppose to sneak around unitl we have the evidence we need to blow the A out of the fog. You obviously have your evidence, you know where the OM is. Your wife knows that you know about the A. Don't dance around it anymore. Maybe it is a good thing that she found MB, now she can educate herself as to why this happened and how you both can begin to heal. This may not be the end of the world, it could be the beginning for both of you!

Tere38, If I thought she actually cared I would. She is not here looking for help. I believe she is looking to find ways to undermine me. In effect steal away any support.

She doesn't care what she is doing to the kids or me. Has said it is all about her now. She has convinced herself.

It started as a bad marriage for past 3 years, to a bad marriage past 10 years to we never should have been married, to I was horrible even before we were married. She doesn't want to remember the other times, or what she love she expressed for me.

Then, my dear man, you are better off. You deserve to be happy, don't let this abuse continue. You and your children are in my prayers. So is your wife, but she may not appreciate being under conviction until she gets her life together. You have not said anything on this site that she didn't deserve. Don't beat yourself up. If there is anything more that I can do for you, you need only ask. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I am still believing that she will eventually come to her senses, God can do anything. If you do not have him close, do it today. You won't need anything else, I promise.

Oh yeah, she can't steal the support you are receiving here at MB, because we have ALL heard her tune before and we don't dance to it anymore. Yes, she is being overly mean at this point, but she is fogged in, just like the rest of the WS and FWS on this site. She will eventually return to clear skies, everyone does, and she will regret all this. She will need this site when that happens, it will be her life preserver. You need to move on as Dr. Harley suggests, it's important that you take care of yourself and your children. We are all here for you, don't worry.

Tere, thanks you very much.

I have to tell you though, I was no angel in our M. I was guilty of all the LB's at one time or another. The thing is I didn't realize some of my shortcomings and bad habits, and the ones I did realize were soooo hard to stop. The WW LB'd like crazy too.

But nothing I did, justifies her behaivor. She should have done something else.

I had no right to jump on your wife the way I did, I know that marriage is a two-way street. When my H had his A, I was practically ignoring him. We didn't argue or insult each other, in fact we NEVER fought. That is the other end of the spectrum from what you have had to deal with, but just as damning. That's why this site is so wonderful, it's incredibly supportive during the blackest time of your life, but it also reveals to you how little you actually know about each other. Isn't it exciting that you can learn how to be a great spouse? Kind of like a terrific makeover!

I really changed my ways after D-day, but I was lucky. I didn't have to weather the fog at all. PLEASE read everything Dr. Harley has to say about PlanA/B (bet you already have done that!). PLEASE respect yourself enough to not allow anyone to make you feel bad about yourself. When the fog lifts, she will be a different woman, especially if you are already a different man! Don't beat yourself up anymore, you accepted responsibility for your misgivings. Leave it in the past. Everyone is here for you!

Thank you Tere,

I've learned alot about myself and her and .... us. I'm going to change those things I've didn't know about before. Not necessarily for her, but for me, because it is the right thing to do as a person.

If you know what you don't know you can learn it. But if you don't know what you don't know, your in the dark. Since coming here and reading up, I feel like a whole part of my world has lit up, but with very stormy skies.

1 tin man -

The best thing that could possibly happen is for your wife to read (and post here). I know she must be a basically good woman, but my friend, she is really out there.

Believer, she really was a good girl. Annoying sometimes, but no more than I was probably.