Many of you may know that I have recently been contacted by XOM. And totally not by my choice. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Well, after many tears <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> and and a good bit of talk, top rope and I have come to a few conclusions. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

First of all, I realize that XOM is only contacting me to try to get back into MY good graces!! I owe him absolutely NOTHING!!!!!!!!!! He has taken up ENOUGH of my time and my family's time. I will not permit him any more!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Second, I realize that I do indeed have a very special H in top rope. (Actually, I knew that long ago, it was just circumstances <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> that made me not see it for a long time.)

We have, together, come to a few decisions as to what we will do regarding XOM's contact.

Just in case he should be lurking here (because it would be just like him to do so), I hope you will all understand if I don't provide details at this point in time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Just know that what will be done has been agreed upon by both uf us. In other words, we finally agree that we are using the POJA!!! Good for us!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And maybe the next time I post I might just have a different name...maybe....

I’m happy for you! The fact that you and your H has decided on a plan of action incase XOM contacts you again, is a very good thing. Keep up the good work and keep the communication channels and honesty & openness between you and your H open at all times.

Blessings, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Suzet

You go, girl!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Thanks for sharing, it's good news indeed! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You really DO deserve a new name, I can't wait to see what it is. Congrats on doing a great job on this latest "test"! We're happy for you both. KB

RSU, you said: I owe him absolutely NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!

This is a light bulb moment. Well done.

Did you two decide to write a NC letter? I think that would be mucho important...

I was also wondering about the NC letter this morning… As I’ve said to you in your previous thread, I still think the best thing to do is to send XOM a very brief NC-letter signed by both you and your H. It will prevent and discourage XOM from contacting you again in future. I know some people view the sending of a NC-letter as still having contact and that it is better to ignore XOM and remain silent, but the danger exist that XOM will continuously try to contact you every now and then if you don’t take a firm stand on this and let him know exactly where he stands with you with a short and plain NC-letter. Please think about this.

Thanks!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Haven't been able to post yet today...long day at work.

I am now taking steps to ensure that XOM cannot contact me at my current place of employment, or at least he won't be able to hurt me in my position where I am now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

As far as a NC letter...well, that one is still up in the air. No decision there yet.

But if there is a letter, it will HAVE to be from ME due to the fact that XOM had called police on H before for harrassment. And IF I send a NC letter, it would go to HIS wife because XOM would take my sending him ANYTHING as me wanting to contact him again.

So, no decision yet. We'll keep everyone "posted" on that score!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I have posted to and admired top rope for awhile now. I didn't realize that you were posting here. I think you need to write a no contact letter to OM. It should say: Dear OM - I love my husband and desire to work on our marriage. Please do not contact me for any reason.

The NC letter is mainly for your husband. By putting it in writing, you are reassuring him that you mean it.

But sounds like you are making progress. Keep it up.

B,

The reason a NC letter hasn't been written up to this point is primarily because TR has asked me not to worry about that now.

Since starting my new job almost one year ago and moving, etc., things have been extremely busy for me and him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I actually wanted to write one back in November 2003 when XOM had called our old house phone number (again, caller ID is a wonderful thing!).

He convinced me at the time, that I had too many other things on my plate to worry about it then. So we both chose to ignore that call, since the phone wasn't answered and neither one of us actually talked to XOM then.

So now we are still trying to decide if a letter is necessary, or if he will just leave us alone now. I'm not 100% convinced that he will leave us alone...just because I know his patterns of persistence. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> It still makes me angry (and a bit scared too) to think of him contacting me last wednesday. Although the further away from last wednesday it gets, the more I am angry instead of scared because as you have all said, I am now being proactive about protecting my new job.

It is a good feeling to know that I am DOING something to protect me and mine!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And I still think that the part of me that was scared, or at least part of it, was my own reaction to hearing his voice on the phone. It was very much a panic attack for me. TR knows how I can get them, not as much or as often as I did even a year ago, but I have had some real whoppers here in the last month. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> And the XOM calling my job has only contributed to this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> So now I am trying to concentrate on my H, my M, and our children. They have become the center of my world. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It used to be when my A was going on that I couldn't wait to get to work (that's where my A happened). And now I can't wait for the work day ot be over so I can be at home.

I think I like being home better!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

royally -

I think the NC letter is very important. It confirms your desire to work on your marriage. It takes only a minute to write, so I would do it, if I were you.

Have you checked out the other WW's here? See if you can read the posts of runaroundpot, KiwiJ, broken vessel, Chackler.

Still I am happy that you are doing so well. Keep it up!