"Male Chauvenist" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Where have I heard that before?

If I could just get my wife to put the toilet seat back up when she's finished..... but noooooo! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Seriously, things are moving along now, WW recieved her papers. Letting it follow the natural course.

She only slept till 10:30 this morning. Must have been a slow night with OM and the phone sex. Guess it is harder in the drive way.

<small>[ July 23, 2004, 11:38 AM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

Okay, Tom.

STOP calling your W a "whore!"

Look, I realize that she's being very thoughtless, selfish, and eve cruel with her actions. But these are BEHAVIORS, they are not who she IS. Damn the behavior, not the person. And the PERSON you M'd is still in there somewhere. Don't let your actions contribute 2 keeping her hostage 2 her current behavior.

Okay, I'm calm now.

Having said that, I DO agree with Mel that there is little that you can do under the circumstances that could be considered LBing, and that inaction isn't helping your image.

Hire a PI and get some info on the OM. Expose this 2 his familiy, his employer, and the rest of Las Vegas if you have 2. Whatever you need 2 do 2 make it uncomfortable for him 2 carry on is fair game (shy of commiting a crime, perhaps... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ). Until your W moves out and has 2 live with her decision, he can continue 2 have fun on his own fence.

Number A: Get rid of the damned computer.

Number B: Ever see that ad on the Lobotomy Box where the cell phone gets dropped in the goldfish bowl? ...while it's 2rned on? Drop the cell phone in a glass of water, or throw her in the pool while she's on the phone.

Number C: When she replaces the cell phone, repeat Number B.

Number D: When she replaces the 2nd cell phone, repeat Number B.

...Number N: When she replaces the N-1th cell phone, repeat Number B.

Water (in the form of coffee, soda, amber nectar, kool-aid), fixes wayward computers, 2 (and if it's a PC, it's the right thing 2 do, anyway).

-ol' 2long

TJ,
Wow, blown away by this behavior.
You have a great sense of humor.

However I agree with everyone else. Trash the phone, and password protect the computer.
What else do you do to children that don't behave ? You take away their toys right ?

Okay, 2Long, now its my turn to poke fun at you!!! I thought you're supposed to be a rocket scientist....Number A? Number B? Is that why manned aircraft hasn't made it to Mars yet?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hugs,

BB

Tom:

If you don't want 2 lose the computer (because you use it), then spill your Road Coke on the keyboard. That will disable it just as nicely. Then, buy yourself a new one and keep it in your truck when she's home.

When she replaces the keyboard herself, go 2 the fridge and get another beer...

-ol' 2long

BB:

"Is that why manned *aircraft* hasn't made it to Mars yet?"

No, it's because the wings don't work in a vacuum! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-ol' 2long

Hey, I never purported to be a rocket scientist....they would never let someone like me near it - I'm enough of a space cadet as it is!

When are you coming back to Houston?

BB

2long -

You're a rocket scientist? All this time I thought you were a hippie or tree hugger or whatever they call them now.

Now every time I tell one of my staff "you don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure that out" I'm going to think of you. Maybe I'll just start saying "you don't have to be ole 2long to finish that report, just DO IT". LOL

I guess those our employee LBing statements, however you put it, eh?

Tom Joad - sorry for the little thread jack.

Tom,

There is a fine line between doing a good Plan A and being a doormat.

I'm sorry...I think you need to look behind you because you have definitely crossed it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

This is a woman's point of view...we aren't attracted to men who let us walk all over them.

You are covered in footprints. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

committed

You say that the phone is in her name but I suspect its u who pays teh bill.mayb be a good idea to tell the phone company that you wont be doing that any more....

Too Long, Point well taken. I'm just losing sight of whatever kind of woman used to be inside her.

She did this several times before we were married. As well as making her life a financial mess, repoed cars, losing her apt, and some other unmentionables. She even stayed at my parents house when her sister left her homeless. And after we were married she did somethings made me suspicious. Including running up credit card debt and an Internet EA, (maybe even PA) thing last year.

So I'm wondering.... What kind of woman is really in there.

WW asked me why I married her after all that. I told her because I loved her. Even after the three cheating flings, (including former Best Friend) and leaving the State for awhile, I married her because I loved her always. Love is blind.

Tom:

"She did this several times before we were married. "

Yikes! So, even if you overcome this as a 2ple, she's going 2 have 2 deal with this tendency of hers and figure out what she wants her life 2 be like.

-ol' 2long

Tell me something. Is there something that compells the WW to continually spew out what a sorry disappointing H I've been and what a disaappointment our M has been.

I know I've done things, and haven't done things. She admits to the fact I've demonstrated some changes. However she just attacks me for them. I'm not changing anymore for her, I'm doing it because it's the right thing.

I mean, is there really any purpose for her to do this. She is right about somethings, hal-right about others. I've learned alot. But why am I punished because I've learned things and made changes in habits and behaivors because of what I learned.

Instead of a pat on the back, (even if divorce is inevitable) Why must it be, "yeah, you've changed the last three months... you A-hole" Where was that 15 years ago.

Tom - This is so typical for a WW. She attacks you because she is trying to justify her behavior.

Tom, it really has nothing to do with your changes at all. She is manufacturing greivances about you in order to demonize you. She needs to demonize you in order to justify her affair. It would be impossible to justify if she admitted the truth, that you were a good husband.

It is all only justification for her A and her own guilt. She is projecting that in your direction because that is easier than looking at her own behavior.

I assume you have already apologized for your prior shortcomings in the marriage.

Try and let her slings and arrows roll off of you like water off a ducks back. Keep trying not to react or continue to defend or take any of it to heart. Keep trying to not LB back.

She is among the worst I've heard in her behavior toward you. I hope that means that she is trying to run as fast as she can away from her own guilt in what she is doing to you, her kids, and your family as a whole.

Keep remembering she is using that WS playbook or it is part of her mothership programming.

I sure wish she would just go be with the OM full time in hopes that that will hasten her fantasy bubble tp burst and the fog to lift. I just hope she will be able to let go of her pride when that happens in order to come back and be the wife you deserve.

That is too funny. Are you sure YOU are the a**hole??????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> She must really have something to hide if she is so-oo-oo paranoid!! I would even say borderline pathetic. If she believes she is not in an A then what does she have to hide?

Anyways---What is she doing on the phone? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> She should be out looking for a job. This one day a week job is ridiculous!!! I should be so lucky. She is going to need money for the big fight she is going to give you.

As far as giving you credit-----that would mean that she would have one less thing to complain about. She couldn't justify herself (even though she thinks she is doing nothing wrong) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

It seems funny that she is so paranoid of you but ready to give everything up for the OM.(another upstanding individual) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Thanks MBer's.

Trix, your right. I have apologized. And tried to make the right changes in my own destructive behaviors.

But she keeps saying them over and over and over again. I'm am tired of apologizing. I am regretfull. I can't get back the misunderstandings and some of my neglectful actions.

I can let it roll off my back.

Trix, what do you mean by defend. I'm not defending my old actions. But I have explained what I was thinking. Even though my thinking was flawed.

I just don't get it. I even tell her she's right, but this just encourages her to pile on more.

We are getting a divorce. That doesn't seem enough for her. Breaking up the family isn't good enough for her.

I've been a better father, and a better husband the past three months. All of this in the face of her behaivor, and constant nastyness. Nastyness to me and the kids. Can't she see what she is doing? How it is affecting her.

Suspect OM is busy with his life right now. She hasn't been on computer of phone much that I can tell. Except she was gone all day yesterday.

I just want some peace.

I always liked her to wear skirts. For the past three months she complained to me that I always wanted her to wear skirts. She bought them all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

She shows me some new skirts and shirts she got, and says "how do like these...." then shows me some tight skimpy tops and says "what about these" with a smirk. I Don't get it.

I just told her she'll look good in them and Steve will like them. (LB'd)

She hasn't been eating well, I don't think. She's losing some weight and looks a little gaunt in the face. I don't know if it because of me being around, or her need for Steve.

<small>[ July 24, 2004, 02:36 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

Tom,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've been a better father, and a better husband the past three months. All of this in the face of her behaivor, and constant nastyness. Nastyness to me and the kids. Can't she see what she is doing? How it is affecting her.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, she can't see what she is doing. And you don't need to keep apologizing; that would just be beating a dead horse.

It sounds like she is just taunting you with the skirt thing. Further ways to show you disrespect, disdain and hoping to get a rise out of you by playing with you another cruel/evil way.

She is not the wife you thought you married right now. I hope she will come back one day or at least realize the harm she is inflicting. Unfortunately, she will have to live with this herself and if not dealt with it could destroy her.

I doubt if it is just because of your being around that she is losing weight. The infidelity diet can work both ways. She is in such an affair induced high that she is burning more calories or has just lost some appetite. She is pretty consumed by this A and OM, as well as trying to make your life miserable to punish you to take proper care of herself.

Try to let her venom go in one ear and out the other. I wouldn't engage her in any debates about the past anymore. By defend, I meant you don't need to defend your positive changes as they are self evident.

By contrast, keep being the sane one, the better person in clear contrast to her nasty behavior, lack of morals, lack of integrity etc.

<small>[ July 24, 2004, 04:55 PM: Message edited by: Trix ]</small>

Water off a ducks back! Let it roll off!
WS's always blame BS's for everything. Hell if it rained 4 months ago it was all your fault, if a tree fell in a forest somewhere 5,000 miles away you were the cause of it. She has to blame you for everything in order for her to look herself in the mirror! Sure, you made mistakes, everyone has made mistakes. She's a heap of guilt, mixed emotions, frustration, fog and some words that are not appropriate to utter in this forum.

Trust that all things come to light eventually and don't let her crush your spirit. WALK AWAY!
Tell her if she's going to speak that way that you'd rather talk when she's more receptive. ENOUGH! No thank you for the insults. I'm not sure if you get my drift, but her debasing you is the only way she can rationalize her actions.

How can she justify an A when she has such a loving, caring, imperfect but reasonable H?
She cant!
So she must paint you with the brush of everything negative.

PS) She's not eating because of OM, during my separation my W lost 30 pounds and it wasn't because of me, it was because OM and her had broke up and she said it actually hurt to eat!..
I had to learn this fact in an email of hers that I found.

You're doing the best you can with what you have, don't let her destroy your sense of self, she AINT worth it!