Well, took the D to a sleep-over then went grocery shopping. Brought home dinner. WW was gone. She left a note for DS that she was going to a friends house for the evening. again.

Son wasn't even home. She just up and leaves at all times with no notice. I asked her this morning if she was going to be home for dinner. If she wasn't going to be here, just say so. Rudeness is outrageous.

<small>[ July 24, 2004, 06:49 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

Surprise. WW came home. Stomping, hollering, and fighting with S. Earlier fought with D before her party.

She was working in her car with the doors open in the rain. I asked her if she needed help with something and she shouted from the street NOT FROM YOU!

I suspect OM is really busy. WW is cranky like she is needing another fix.

Strange. WW is mean as a snake just after she talks with OM and WW is as mean as a snake when she hasn't talked to OM in awhile. Hmmmmmmmm

That doesn't leave much time in between for her to be pleasant. She says she is only unpleasant when I'm around. But that isn't what I hear.

She said she's leaving for the night again. I suggested she take a few bags with her, 5 or 6. Live with her friend for awhile, (Her friend is separating from her H too... hmmmm strange) she can come home when I'm working.

<small>[ July 24, 2004, 07:01 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

hiya TJ,
sounds like leading a double life is getting pretty exhausting for her.

stay as pleasant as you can.

Tom J,

2Long beat me to the punch on this one.
But I believe he is correct and strongly support this action. So please listen Up.
(This was my initial reaction, and am glad I took the time to read the entire thread).

First, YOU must confiscate both the computer and the phone.
If you don't want to destroy them, then take them to a relative or a friends house.
If not that, then As stated before, take them to work with you. Point is, Only give YOURSELF access to them.

If necessary, get rid of the house phone as well.
(This is drastic, but W could always run to a neighbors in a "true" emergency).

However, I doubt they will let her come over and chat for hours on long distance (as well as let her engage in any form of electronic sexual fantasy). Am I wrong in assuming this?

Although I suppose simply calling the phone company and voluntarily "blocking" ANY long distance calls could work just as well.
(Then again if a phone is there OM could still contact her).


Next, You are making this waaaayyy tooo easy for her.
She does as she pleases, whenever/wherever, with NO consequences. NONE!!!
She is not only flaunting this behavior, she's practically Rubbing Your Nose in it.
If you won't (can't) get her out of the house, at least take these small steps to interrupt the "easy" and constant contact.

IN addition, Melodylane is 100% correct in her assumption that your W is losing whatever respect she did have for you, by the way you permit her to treat you.
Pathetic, desperate and "whipped" is not attractive to either sex. As a man, you know this.

You are the only one that can determine and then set, what YOUR personal "boundaries" are.
Unfortunately, As of right now (today) there are NO Boundaries your W respects, when it concerns you. I mean absolutely ZERO!
Please work to stop this blatant & overt Disrespect!

To have any chance, you've got to start standing up for yourself.
The doormat approach (which you've tried) just ain't getting you the results you want.
(Unless your goal is to be humiliated, miserable and then divorced) It's not is it?
Of course not!

Anyway enough of my tangent.
However, Please really think about making their contact as hard for her as possible.
The goal here is to save your sanity. (Your tone in posting sounds like a man about ready to snap). And its understandable.

This situation is the kind that can truly "break" a person. Please take action to put a stop to it..........to save yourself.
It won't be pretty.........but it is necessary.
YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENTLY..............please start with this!

Take care guy

Top Rope, I've given up the Plan A'ing. Just trying to take care of the kids. I won't let them see me being like her.

I can't make her stay in the house, don't really want her too for that matter. She is just rude and discourteous to everyone.

She'd like nothing more than to argue and fight with me. Should I give her what she wants?

We are getting divorced. It is Over. I am not trying to reclaim anything. I just want to survive and thrive afterwards with a decent partner, and to protect my kids from this.

I am however trying to be a better person. Should I revert to nastyness like her? If she can't treat me or the kids decent I would like her to leave. When she does try to relate to the kids, it seems so forced, so false. They have mentioned it to me.

If I act the fool she will try o force me out with a court order. I think it is more than the OM, as I said before, she has a history of depression and suspect BP. She had her meds changed about 6 weeks prior to this whole mess. Her doc is not a psychiatrist, rather is a neurologist for her migraines. She hasn't seen a psychiatrist for 4-5 years. I don't think she has recieved the proper therapy to go along with her meds.

I appreciate your concern. I am not close to breaking. Most times I'm pretty calm spirited. I do get frustrated. Need to vent. I am embarrassed to say I've quit. With all of the MBer's on this site working so hard. I've quit. It was discovered May 17th and I've already quit.

<small>[ July 24, 2004, 08:37 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

Also beginning to theorize, that OM is traveling, that is why WW has not been talking and chatting. He may be coming this way.

TJ,
You haven't quit. You feel helpless.
You're tied up in anger and frustration and betrayal. It's all running around in your head so fast it overwhelmed you and you've hit the eject button.

I was told on my first week here not to make any decisions for 6 months. Your emotions are just too raw to be able to make good decisions.

I think you hide your pain, but it comes out in forms of sarcasm (sp?) to your W. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. He**, I used to be you. Quick with the tongue.

If you're REALLY done, over, through, I hope it's the right decision for you.

What would you do tomorrow, if WW jumped out of her fog and wanted to save the M ?

Tom,
Just read your last few comments and I have to say that I think you and the kids need to get away for a few days to recoup. Just leave a little note to your dog to let him know you will be back whenever?? All this has to be hard for the kids to see. I'm sure that they are not only sad but embarassed to have someone like this for a mother.

Makes sense that OM is coming since W bought all those new clothes--which by the way--must have been a bargin since she only works one day a week! As far as how she looks in them or why she would even show them to you---give me a break! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> She is like walking nightmare. Why would a 40 yr old woman wear stuff like that??? Only reason I can think is that she is having a hard time aging. Don't give her any compliments. Being civil and good does not include giving a hussy compliments. That, I think is what makes it look like you are a doormat, man! A shrug or smirk would suffice. Sort of like "just the style I would pick out for you to wear with the way you are acting."

She is not worth it. Appears that she never was. Poor kids---to have that as an example. Sure hope DD uses this as an example of how not to be a mother.

I know I sound angry but I have Been/there-Done/that in the past. It just brings up all the c**p I went through. Just so you know----there is life after *************. A better one at that. Hard to believe that there are more people out there like my X.

Take a break and get away with the kids. Maybe you will meet a someone in those welcoming waters.

A thought just occured to me. Has WW had any cosmetic surgery?? If you say yes I'll just die. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Although, I must say, I would not be surprised. Sort of supports my thoughts. If she has she must really be insecure. Too bad she is looking in the wrong place to feel like a someone.

BeenThere,

Yes, two years ago. She wanted them, not me.

TJ-

Maybe this will make you feel a little bit better…

Probably not.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Is there something that compells the WW to continually spew out what a sorry disappointing H I've been and what a disaappointment our M has been.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is also my W. And many other things you say your W is doing now, so is mine.

Ready to take a swing yet?

Well there you go!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Doesn't surprise me and doesn't make me feel good for being right in my thoughts. Does "User" sound like another good description of her. From the history you posted I think that is just about right. I actually think she is proud of this. Where do people like that come from? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I am really trying to give her the benefit of the doubt with the fog and all--and I do believe the "fog" But it seems to me that she has been in the "fog" for a long time. Maybe if you talk to her doctor she might get the help she needs. You said she has been on meds for a couple of years. Why has she not been helped by now??

Don't forget that getaway you and DD and S need. The dog will understand--or will he?? He probably doesn't want to be left with her either.
I'll keep you in my prayers.