2 Long, good thing I didn't take your advice about tossing the phone or computer. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

WW cleaned kitchen Saturday, I mean really cleaned it. The first time she's done that in.... well can't remember.

But the next morning as I'm making coffee before work I see a sign on the stove that Says
"Kitchen Closed, This Chick's Had It!"

I took the sign and tossed it in the garbage. Felt it was rude and disrespectful. WW called me at work around noon - Probably when she got out of bed. She was out Saturday night till 1:00 am. Anyway she called and told me I violated the court order filed with the DV papers saying that nothing should be thrown out. In addition she keeps accusing me of taking a "love" letter I wrote to her years ago. I remember writing it but never took it. Of course anytime she misplaces anything, I took it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I wonder why she doesn't want the song I wrote for her for Valentines Day last year?


And As if the Kitchen has been open the past 2 years. Other than to tell the kids to help themselves to whatever they can find for dinner. She rarely cooked, Pizza, fast food, fend for yourself, and cooked once or twice a week. Lunch, Breakfast, Can't recall it.

She's probably calling her attny right now to try to force me out. She's taken down all the pictures of me in our bedroom. Guess she doesn't want to see me while she is having her Phone deal.

She confronts me in front of kids, accusing me of taking her stuff, and violating the court order, then accuses me of violating court order for talking in front of kids.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 10:53 AM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

Tom:

Next time, don't throw the sign out, but post your own: "Kitchen reopened. This bull-stud is taking on some responsibilities!"

Not that "bull-stud" is any less self-deameaning than "chick".

Besides, I didn't advise that you necessarily throw the phone or the computer OUT. Just dampen them a bit <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Fight fire with kindness. It'll tweak her even more.

-ol' 2long

DD, came to me this morning and told me that WW let her hold the phone for the night to prove to her she wasn't going to be calling OM.

WW gave me her phone once to show me she wasn't calling the OM when she went out. What I didn't realize until later was she was actually driving to his hotel room so she didn't need the phone.

As a mentioned previously, WW has not been using phone or computer much that I can see. OM must be traveling somewhere, maybe here. Well ... probably here.

That is the only way she would let go of the phone. She offered me the phone one other time, (thinking I would say no) when I accepted it. She immediately changed her mind and said I will have to learn to trust her.

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 08:39 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

Give me a break Talk about ridiculous! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> You broke the court order because you got rid of a piece of paper. I would love for her to say that to a judge. That will surely gain her lots of points!!! In fact I would encourage it. She is her own worse enemy.

Her attorney must be thinking she is stuck with a real nut case. If I were you I'd be laughing in her face.

Those poor kids. Have you gotten them any help. They are really hurting. It is a shame that this happens at the same time.--meaning your holding yourself together and have to worry about your children. The more action you take to help your children in this situation the better it will be not only for your children but the judge will respect what you are doing as a good father. She is a real disgrace as a mother. It is so animalistic--eating your young. My children had to suffer this repeatedly. While my life is better they have to live with the fact that their own parent decided that they did not matter.

Get those kids some help--make the arrangements and take them. You could always say if they do not like it they may quit after a specific time.

The damage going on in that house is unbelievable. She is like a wrecking ball--destroying everyone just to justify her sordid affair.

Been/There,

It was a little wooden sign. From a flea Market maybe. Regardless..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Like I said she comes in this morning and grills me about throwing it away etc etc etc. Then she makes a smug remark as she hurries to the mailbox after the Mailman comes about how it must be nice for me to have my attny be able to mail my stuff to work. (which I don't do <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ) She looks over my shoulder when I'm on MB and says if I fell better now that I can talk to the "groupies" at MB. Then she accuses me of taking her love letters. I finally make a sarcastic remark to her and she immediately says to DD - "see DD, I'm trying to be nice"

Well I guess that is her "idea" of nice.

She asks me on the porch just now if I want the house. I tell her yes. She wrinkles up her nose and tells me so I want to fight over the house now. What does she mean "I"(me). If I don't give her everything she wants then I want to fight about it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> How about her wanting to fight. But she's always been bossy and demanded her way.

She asks me for more money so she can take a children and divorce class mandated by the court. I tell her she has plenty of money. I give her money each week, and she works (a little) and she has $7,000 she took from our accounts.

She tells me she has no money. That she is not allowed to use money in her bank account. The court order forbid her. I told her to ask her attny. She can spend that money.

I also told her if she needs more money she should get a job. I've been telling her to get a job, even showed her jobs, but she doesn't want to do this or that. I guess that is why it is called work !

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 03:52 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

Tom,

You sound very angry and upset.

You have every right to be , but if you are in plan A I think you need to calm down a bit.

You can choose to respond to her with kindness on all these things.

For example, even if she has been lacking in the domestic area, instead of throwing out the sign (which was probably just meant in fun), you can say taht you noticed she cleaned the kitchen , and say that you appreciate the work she does.

In so far as money, I would not argue with her. She might be starting to realise that if she leaves you she will be losing security, and it might be scaring her out of the fog.

You can simply tell her that you don't know what you will do about the house. That you love her and you will have to do what is best for everyone.

My policy in these things has been to follow Matthew 5:

( You have heard that it was said, "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.'But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also. And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away. )

It kind of takes the wind out of their sails, yes?

She is looking for a fight.

Don't give her one.

A soft answer turns away wrath etc.

I live by this verse nowadays:

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful

(esp. the forgiving and bearing with part)

Shul

Actually, I do agree with Shul in some ways. It is really hard to let things roll off your back when you hear things like this day after day.

It also appears to me that WW is playing a game of sorts. She loves the drama from what I can see so--like Shul says-- take the wind out of her sails. Don't respond at all. That leaves no new openings for her to attack you. Also you could always say "tsk tsk", "old news", "we will shall see" or if you are feeling nice "I will do what I think is best for everyone." She does seem to have a problem with spacial boundries also.
You could, very gently, point out that if she had a job she would have more money. She is going to need to get one soon anyways. I believe she said she looks forward to the challenge and is excited to have job. Well then hop to it honey! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Shul.

I did tell her she did a good job on the kitchen.

I don't really think I'm in Plan A anymore. But I am trying to be the kind of man I once was, No.... better than that even.

I have told her I'm not ready to discuss these things yet. Told her that she has been preparing for this, (by her own admittance) for at least the last two years. I have had barely 2 months. But I'm catching up fast. For two years she told me everything was getting better and a whole load of hogwash. I believed her, but now she says that she was just saying that, but she didn't mean any of it.

Oh, and that sign was not meant in good fun. My wife hasn't smiled in two months, some smirks yes. Some sarcastic laughs, certainly.

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 04:42 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by been/there-done/that:
She does seem to have a problem with spacial boundries also.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Would you explain this please. Sounds interesting. I assume you are refering to the kitchen keep out sign.... but I am not sure, if you mean something broader....

Pep

Pep,
Spacial boundries meaning looking over his back, getting into his spaces, physical and otherwise--otherwise meaning his recovery places like MB, work etc. She seems to have taken over the house and makes Tom feel like he has not place to lay his head so to speak. Like his worth nothing.

You could take this on another plane. She is like a wrecking ball banging into people, feelings, special memories, lives etc and leaving havoc.

Another take: No respect for people places and things!

Well it's 9:30, WW just told me she's going to spend the night at a friends.

I have a meeting tomorrow at 8am. She says she'll be home for the kids. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ July 26, 2004, 08:36 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

OM in town????

Or using someone elses computer or phone to talk to OM??

Been happening a lot lately???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Tom,

from what you have said I get the strong impression that she is trying in her way, but that she is very hurt and frustrated, lashing out at times, then remorseful .

She strikes me as a woman on the verge of a breakdown.

Tom...

The craziness continues. Are you still considering Plan B and/or kicking her out??? She is starting to get on my nerves!