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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 108
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 108 |
It is coming up on one year since the final d-day, and I'm having some old feelings and pain creeping back in. Is this "normal" for one year?
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087 |
Hi Shay, It depends... Hopefully over the past year you and your spouse have learned to discuss each other's feelings... Let him know how you're feeling as the D-Day draws near... I too felt a little unsure as we approached our 1 year mark, but my wonderful W just hugged me and thanked me for sticking with her through all of our pain... those old, painful feelings that were trying to creep back, just melted away... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Semper Fi, RIF90
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 108
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 108 |
I could not ask FWS to try any harder than he has. he has done a complete turn around from the way I was being treated last year. I did mention I was feeling insecure, and was afraid that he would start seeing someone behend my back. he was hurt by the question, but also said he understood why I didn't trust him completely any more. I felt back that I had hurt him.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by shay919:
<strong> I could not ask FWS to try any harder than he has. he has done a complete turn around from the way I was being treated last year. I did mention I was feeling insecure, and was afraid that he would start seeing someone behend my back. he was hurt by the question, but also said he understood why I didn't trust him completely any more. I felt back that I had hurt him. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Whoa!
If I understand you correctly...
you are saying that expressing your feelings, insecuities and need to be reassured was
hurting your husband
Nooooooooooo
Honesty is vital to recovery. If you do not express yourself, even the more difficult emotions, you are "pretending recovery".
Part of recovery is developing the ability as a couple to go through these types of disclosures intact.
You did not share your feelings with your husband in order to hurt him, but as an expression of your current reality.
And, this is par for first year anniversary.
Pep
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,087 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I felt back that I had hurt him.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He is responsible for HIS feelings... you aren't.
It sounds like you guys are doing OK... yes, it hurts hear that you still don't trust him, but that will fade with time as long as you both are working on your M together...
Semper Fi!
RIF90
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 827
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 827 |
I had a similar reaction. I know it's because I allowed it, though. For me, it was almost like lancing a boil. I had let some of the hurt fester, because "I did not want to hurt her.". So when the boil was lanced, a lot of mess came out. I saw it coming, but couldn't (or maybe wouldn't) stop it.
You'll get through in any case and feel better to have it behind you!
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 108
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 108 |
It is good not to have things bottled up like we did in the past. And it is good to see the communications opening up.
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