Why is it so easy for people outside our situation to say things like
"Maybe its time to move on without her."
"Divorcing my first wife was the best thing I ever did."
"How long are you going to let yourself hurt over her?"

I've heard all these things, more than once. Why is it so easy for people to tell me to throw away my marriage without trying everything to save it?

I would much rather move on WITH her.
Maybe divorcing your first wife worked for you, and I'm happy for you. But that doesn't mean its right for me.
I will go on hurting over her as long as I believe there is real hope for a future together with her.

Yeah, I hurt. A lot. But it will be worth it if one day My wife and I are back together. My feelings run far too deep to just turn them off. Maybe the day will come when I have to pack it in and divorce her, or let her divorce me. But I will be able to look myself in the eye and know I tried EVERYTHING to save a beautiful marriage.

Thanks for letting me rant. People telling me to give up make me angrier than my wife has ever made me.

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 10:49 AM: Message edited by: dreid ]</small>

They believe what they are told. When they hear about fog behavior and talk, they take it to be coming from a rational person. Here, we are dismissive of many things foggified spouses say and do, because we think we know better.

GC

Dreid,

Yeah… I understand how remarks & comments from people can be very hurtful… Me & H struggle with infertility and often receive inappropriate & unsympathetic remarks from people…probably because they are not fully aware of our situation & don’t have any understanding of what we’re really going through... Also, I think some people don’t really know how to show/express their feelings/empathy and in an effort to help or give advice, they might unintentionally say things that is hurtfull or inappropriate. But between all of those people, you will always find someone who will understand – such as these people on MB. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Dreid, just hang on and don’t let those people discourage you with their remarks… Don’t lose hope & faith in the recovery of your M… <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Blessing,
Suzet

<small>[ August 04, 2004, 04:39 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

They are non believers who do not live their life coming from love instead of fear. They fear everything they do not know or understand. I have learned to not discuss things with those I know do not have the ability to "support me". Know in your heart you are doing what God has done for us "forgive". Tell them If you ever want forgiveness for your sins, we must too forgive if you must wack them over the head! Best wishes, be strong and know you are doing the right thing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi dreid <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I've heard the same things said to me since my wife walked away with the OM. I've also heard a hell of a lot worse 'helpfull suggestions.'
A couple of days after my wife admitted the affair her step-dad offered up 2 little nuggets to help me feel better....
'Just pretend that she's been killed in a car accident and you have to live without her'
and
'Get dressed up, go down town and pick up a girl for the night. Play her at her own game.'

The scary thing was that I believe he honestly thought he was helping me....

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