I am so ANGRY!!!!! I just got my H bank statement and he has been spending so much time with OW. It looks like he's even buying her things. My son and I are here struggling and he's buying her things!!!!!!!!! I can't do this!!! I am hurting so badly!!!!!! Why am I sitting around here waiting for him???? WHY?????

TR.....unfortunately, the $$ spending is something that most WS do during the A. My H cashed in a 401K, spent money like it was water, and basically lived the high life with OW...I loved to see where they went for breakfast, lunch and dinner. At the very same time, I received no child support and relied on family and friends to survive....(in addition to working full-time). Take heart in this TR...$$ does not grow on trees and eventually it will have to stop...good times are expensive. My WH pinches each and every penny until this day. All the finances came crashing down.

Now to answer your question...you are to focus on you and not on him. Stop waiting, but go on for yourself and the future of your marriage. You are putting up with this because you love him and you want to save your marriage. DDay for me is almost two years passed and I still watch WH pull some off-the-wall stunts....

Copy the bank statements...keep them in a safe place. do nothing with them YET.

The next move is entirely up to you.

Have you actually "caught" H WITH OW ?

Is she M ?

We need a few new stategies here.

We need to start moving him off fence land.

Let's brainstorm.

BREATH.

We're going to move forward.

We have to get financial support for your son.

Tree,

Are you on that bank account too? If you are...make a withdrawal. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Also, make copies of ALL the statements that come to your house. It will show how much money (marital assets) are being spent by him. Are his paychecks automatically deposited into this account? If they are...make sure to note that on your copies...that this is PAYROLL. He won't be able to claim less income when it's time for CS. Check FL laws for CS. In some states it isn't necessary to have filed for divorce to get it. You can site abandonment. Your State Attorney's office (I think) can get that started.

IF you have to borrow from family (or friends)to help support your son, keep track of that...so that you can claim that as an indebtedness...it can later be used in financial settlings. Use your pc to draw up a document stating that it is a "loan" and sign it along with the family member.

You need to protect yourself and your son financially.

Hope that I was of some help.

committed

TR..

Listen to Betrayed. Form a plan.

Your son's well being is the most important thing. Think about getting legal help for child support.

Most important... BREATHE.

Just opened my WH credit card bill.... he's been leaving me messages "I love you, can't live without you".

Looks like he went to the beach with OW and bought a kite! All during the time he was leaving me messages. (Wonder if OW knows about this) This pi$$es me OFF!!!

Makes me glad I'm in plan B.

Working on myself. Working on my house. Getting rid of junk, and organizing my life. This is my plan.

If WH does come back, he will see not only physical and emotional changes in me, but will also see how much our home has changed.....into MY HOME!! MY LIFE!!

With or without them, we will go on. We will be better people for this. It's hard now, but think of your potential.... all the things possible for YOUR life!

ONWARD...UPWARD!!! For BS's like us, there is no where else to go!

(((((((TR & DS)))))))

K

That PLAN suggested to you is the way to go , you need to protect yourself and if your on that account make that withdrawal !

If you are on any of his CREDIT CARDS get your name off them .

TAKE a deep breath , this is only the money you know about .

MY FWS went through 20,ooo on a credit card not including cash in 9 months out of the house with OW not counting the 5,ooo in cell bills ..

So please take the steps to form a plan and protect yourself !

Thanks for the responses!!! I just went to my neighbors house and cried my eyes out. She is divorced and went through a similar situation.

I am just so ANGRY!!!!!!!!! He has his own bank acct. that I don't have access to. He is also on mine which I am taking him off of.

betrayed...No she isn't married and he says she's a doctor....I've yet to find proof of that. No, I haven't caught him with OW YET!!!

I am jusy so angry that he's spending all this money on her and only sent me a check for $60. JERK!! His statement shows that he went to Costco and spent $72.00...we don't have a Costco acct. I AM SO PI$$ED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TR,
Open a new account, move all the money you can (without closing old account) into it. You are not stealing from your marriage by doing this, you are protecting yourself.

Send a message to your WH about what you have done. Tell him that you have to insure that the bills are paid and the family is taken care of. Also tell him he can see statements on how the marital assests are used.

Your WH cannot be trusted with the marital assets. He is thinking selfishly of only his R with OM.

Well over $1,000 has been used by my non-working WW to support her A with internet OM. Probably more than even what I'm aware of.

You are doing this for your family. As a man I cannot even fathom this kind of behaivor by your H. Especially with a DS involved. Attrocious (did I spell that right <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) He is not the man you married, or not the man you thought he was.

Chin up ... and smile.

I really don't think I can do this anymore! I think I'm done! I have been so disrespected and stepped on that I don't think I could ever have him in my life again. My love is turning into hatred for him. Why would I want to save my M to such an [censored]???? I just truly don't think I can anymore!!!
I want so badly to call OW right now and bless her out!

TR when I discovered my WWs cache of sickening teenaged poetry from OM I also found that she had taken our childrens college fund (in her name as custodian until they're 18) and converted into into an account in her name only with a withdrawal card. Presumably to invest in a home with OM...

There is nothing lower on earth than that.

I pointed out that the money was in trust to our kids. She be angry and sulky after that ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

TR, UR old man is in crazyland. U be taking this far too personally. He is all wrapped up in HIM, U and son are secondary whie he is not of sound mind.
U DO need to make financial arrangements however. Maybe an attorney can help U with this ?

be strong, lovely lady {{{tr}}}}

YUP!!

WS is in WayWard Fogland big time.
I know the feeling. My W sort of bragged how she supported OM. She told me she has taken him money so he could get to work, she took my truck and ran errands for him and his mom and I'm sure she has done more than that. She still doesn't see these actions as a betrayal to her H or her family. She is only concerned with her commitment to her friend and that HE thinks she's a good person even at the expense of the her H and children thinking she's a big time jerk.

Chin up is right Tree. Protect yourself and don't take it personal, this is what the WS's do. Your WS is following the foghead script perfectly and none of it is a reflection on you as a person.

Tree - Get to a lawyer and protect yourself and your son. My WH went thru all of our money to the tune of blowing about $500. a week on OW. And then he has the nerve to say that she doesn't care about money!

I think he kept me hanging on, just to bleed the marriage dry.

Tree, there will be more. You know what he's doing.

I like noodle's scale analogy. The guilt and loss brought on by all the bad stuff is on one side of the scale. The feeling good is on the other side.

Garbage continues to get heaped on the one side of the scale, and you get to feel it all. But still the scale stays firmly dropped on the "feels good" side. For as long as he's an addict.

GC

Tree...I almost forgot...my WH took our family computer, not to mention childrens' videogame and gave it to the OW's children. He even borred my last $35.00 to add to his pitiful funds to take his "soulmate" to dinner. I was so mad at the time, I could have strangled him. However, the advice that you were given from the other posters is very sound. You need to financially break from this man and establish yourself, so that you can work on protecting your son. They are just caught in the fog they cannot see their hands in front of their faces.

I know everyone has already given you advice to get a lawyer you need to do that. I read somewhere on a website about FL divorces, It is a no fault state when it comes to an A but it is against the law to spend money on the OW.Maybe you can ask your lawyer about that.

I know everyone has already given you advice to get a lawyer you need to do that. I read somewhere on a website about FL divorces, It is a no fault state when it comes to an A but it is against the law to spend money on the OW.Maybe you can ask your lawyer about that.

Thanks for the advice!!!!
I am calling a lawyer tomorrow. My son just talked to his dad and my son asked him where he was and my H told him he was with a friend of ours...I know this is a lie becasue I just got off the phone with this friend. How can he just sit there and lie to my son??? I am so angry!!! I can't seem to let it go today. I just took and axiety pill. I am losing it today.
God, help me make it through this....

TR, don't be surprised by anything he does. I learned a long time ago that every day brings a new zinger. Literally every day it just gets better (meaning worse). Don't want to be a downer to you, but don't want you to expect something good is going to happen. You are on that first big dip on the roller coaster. There will be some slow up hills and then some terrifying drops.

Chin Up Girl. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I truly don't know how much more I can go through. If I had my family here I think I could deal with things better. I can't leave becasue my son is in school and he doesn't want to leave. I'm trying to help him as much as possible. I just feel so alone!!!!! I just wish I had someone here to cry my heart out to right now.

I'm worrying about you TR <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Get to the Doctor. Don't put it off. Tell him to give you samples if you can't get a prescription filled.

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 10:57 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>