The other day I was listening to the Canadian radio show "As It Happens". They were talking to a woman in NY who can't get divorced because her H won't agree to it and so she would have to prove he is committing adultery to get the D. Like photos, etc. The comment of the interviewer, who I normally like very much, was something like "When will NY get with the program and institute no-fault D laws like everybody else?"

Then today I was reading the "50%" thread...

Who knows of an existing movement to bring no-fault D under fresh debate? I'm sure it's been tried, but...

How about if somebody besides cultural conservatives were involved? No offense intended there, but the efforts of movement conservatives have a way of pretty consistently alienating the rest of us.

GC

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 07:23 PM: Message edited by: graycloud ]</small>

I would love to see some serious punishment for Adultery come back to help sway these selfish users from making that choice BUT I don't see that realistically happening any time soon.

So,prevention is the key.We need to educate our children more about marriage and healthy relationships and also present a united front on positive and appropriate behavior.In my case though,WH has failed immensely so it's up to me to carry the torch I guess. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

O

I read on another post here about starting a crusade against marital infidelity. Kind of like MADD.

Friends don't let friends cheat.

To many people looking the other way. Acting like it is a joke sometimes.

There should be a penalty of violating your vows. They treat a marriage like a business contract ... 50/50 split of assets, but they don't punish the person who violated that contract. Punish may be a harsh word, I think penalize may be better. And as far as penalizing the WS the OP should get a bit of penalization also.

Ah -- no fault divorce insured that I could get out of my abuse situation as cleanly and quickly as possible. If I were to have had to prove the abuse that I had for years been so carful to hide (most abused women do out of shame, etc.) then I would have had to stay longer and risk more witnesses than the one I had getting intimidated (which xh did and witness refused to go to divorce court).

No I may not like everything about no fault .. but I'll take the good with the bad.

way2

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 08:13 PM: Message edited by: way2 ]</small>

Way2, I was sorry to read about your situation.

However, as a Loyal Husband with a cheating SAHM who is forcing me out of my home so she can have more uninterupted time with OM. Your no-fault doesn't have any good side.

If giving justice to some people means taking it from myself and others who are victims of the abuse of infidelity, then the system is flawed.

Justice for all.

I'm sorry about your situation ... it is flawed no doubt about it -- and doing away with no-fault takes justice from me and is an injustice to other women who have abuse situations.

Find away for both sides to have justice and I'll support it.

But as it is ... on the side I gave, that I had to use (like hundreds, thousands of other women), someone is in serious danger of being murdered (or a family being murdered) especially if trying to gather evidence of abuse (an abused woman's life is always most endanger when she trys to leave the relationship) .... your side, as tough and unfair and painful as it is -- is not endangering your life.

way2

<small>[ August 26, 2004, 08:49 PM: Message edited by: way2 ]</small>

gc-

Interesting, for several reasons. I don’t know where you fall in the political/social spectrum (you haven’t said) but I know what you’re not…a republican or a conservative. You’ve made the point more than once. Anyway, it’s hardly important…

I agree with you about no-fault, to a point. Protections need to be made for some of the same reasons listed in this thread.

In a society that is struggling to define exactly what marriage is I think it would be difficult to reestablish more conservative marriage principals.

I hope you would agree that eliminating no-fault would be a conservative stance.

Asking someone other than of conservative ilk to pursue this would be akin to asking the Special Forces to promote conscientious objectors.

As for justice for all, who shall arbitrate? King Solomon?

Harsher penalities for adultery will NOT work. Ask any one of us who has a spouse that cheated and is in the military. Many times we do not feel that we *can* expose the affair because of those harsh penalties--exposing hurts the BS and family in the end.

But that doesn't mean there can't be a pro-marriage movement..and I'm not sure that doing away with no-fault constitues "harsh punishment". Also, there are in-betweens that can be considered like forcing a legal separation for X amount of time, including MC.

O, I agree. I don't see it either.

way2, I've thought about that lots. No-fault divorce gives an abused spouse a safer way out, no doubt. Doing away with it without protecting the abused would be a terrible idea, naturally. And to find middle ground without giving way to more injustice would be awfully tough.

robby, I wouldn't want you to think that if somebody calls an idea "conservative" it makes me go "phleah" and dismiss it. In the U.S. the word has been hijacked by some people with plans for our civilization that I can do without. Is all.

And I know PLENTY of people who call themselves liberal and would also like for our society to do a better job of rejecting disgusting, immoral, destructive behavior that the popular culture embraces.

Divorce is nasty and painful, and it would be nice if there was some way to make my WW work harder and sacrifice more financially and earn her way out. She should have to pay my legal fees, at the very least.

GC

For more info. on Marriage Fidelity Day and what you can do to help go to:
http://www.saveyourmarriagecentral.com/
and go the GET ACTIVE menu.

The MFD site is still undergoing some initial construction work so keep checking!

This is one way to educate people about Infidelity, the dangers and the damage that results!

TAKE A STAND! Support MFD!

Thanks,
Shugah

<<BUMP>>

I think the opposite, i think it should be harder or more complicated for people to get married. I think there should be a mandatory course or some type of counseling that is required prior to get married. I think people should discuss everything that could potentionally come up in a marriage.

I think that when people get married they are so high on phermones(sp?) that they don't think about real life stuff... like bills, how to argue, how to raise the kids, what happens if.... , i think people only think about their life @ that moment.

I truly think that if more people truly knew what marriage is supposed to be prior to getting married, there would be less divorces (maybe not), but that's just IMHO.

I think the opposite, i think it should be harder or more complicated for people to get married. I think there should be a mandatory course or some type of counseling that is required prior to get married. I think people should discuss everything that could potentionally come up in a marriage.

I think that when people get married they are so high on phermones(sp?) that they don't think about real life stuff... like bills, how to argue, how to raise the kids, what happens if.... , i think people only think about their life @ that moment.

I truly think that if more people truly knew what marriage is supposed to be prior to getting married, there would be less divorces (maybe not), but that's just IMHO.

I think the opposite, i think it should be harder or more complicated for people to get married. I think there should be a mandatory course or some type of counseling that is required prior to get married. I think people should discuss everything that could potentionally come up in a marriage.

I think that when people get married they are so high on phermones(sp?) that they don't think about real life stuff... like bills, how to argue, how to raise the kids, what happens if.... , i think people only think about their life @ that moment.

I truly think that if more people truly knew what marriage is supposed to be prior to getting married, there would be less divorces (maybe not), but that's just IMHO.

The sparrow and I had a conversation with the priest before we were married (married in the Catholic church). He asked us, "If you ever become attracted to a different person, a coworker maybe, what will you do?" I said I would tell her about it. She replied that she would want me to deal with it without telling her. I said if she had that problem I would want her to tell me. She said it would never happen to her. The priest told her it was likely to happen to at least one of us, and she should be prepared to deal with it some day.

The Catholic church put us through some hoops, but spent most of that time trying to convince us not to use birth control. It's about all I remember about the weekend.

Cruel, cruel world.

GC