Ok, so it has been a little over 3 months now since my H shared the news of the affair he had Fall '03-Jan '04 and left me, giving me the whole BS talk of "not in love" anymore. He has definitely acted about 15 years younger than his 30 yo age since telling me the news, acting very arrogant, angry, and verbally abusive (all very uncharacteristic of the person I fell in love with). It is very obvious that he is fogged and that he is fighting insecurity issues stemming from job dissatisfaction and rejection associated with not getting a dream job. This had to be very demoralizing since my career has taken off at the same time. I am aware that too much of my energy has been spent on work and athletics and that I have failed to meet his emotional needs to the best of my capacity this past year because of this. I have apologized and told him that I am working to tone down the intensity in my life as means to make myself happy and cater better to his needs. But now, I think some of the fog is lifting as he seems to be able to at least send me positive affirmations via e-mail and confront some of our common friends....perhaps some of what I have done in plan A is working?
The bad news is that I think he may be having another affair with another woman <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> ...this isn't 100% confirmed but he did tell me that he has been out on dates with a couple woman and his landlord told me she saw overnight female bags at his new apartment. He has signed a year long lease at this apartment which leaves me wondering where his head is at with regards to our future? He has done a lot of shady things to me which makes me a bit confused about whether or not I am doing the right thing by staying with him but only know how to follow my heart. Again, he has seemed to come out a bit more positive these past couple weeks since I have isolated myself from him and focused more on my life.
I guess I am just not sure if I should be still in plan A or headed towards plan B...like sending the no contact letter that I posted earlier? How long should I stay in Plan A? I can't keep my life in a standstill forever waiting for him. I desire to be married, desire to start a family, desire to buy a house, etc., etc....want to do this with H but not if he is going to be around other woman for the next couple years.
I have done everything I feel I can to let him know that I support him, want to help him. He knows that I am willing to try to forgive him so we can try to rebuild our marriage. What should I be doing now....do you think plan A or plan B is appropriate at this point in time? Is the card/letter I posted earlier appropriate to send him? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Thanks ( :
Trying to keep hope in San Diego
Me: 28 yo faithful wife of 3 years
Him: 30 yo unfaithful H; affair fall '03-Jan '04; he ended it, dropped bomb in May '04 and immediately left me, has been less than nice to me since separation but now seems to be acting more cordial. He just signed a year long lease at a new apt and may be dating another woman???
No kids
