<small>[ September 25, 2004, 10:27 AM: Message edited by: pemberley ]</small>

<small>[ September 25, 2004, 10:28 AM: Message edited by: pemberley ]</small>

call the relative back and if he wants more details then like you said he needs to talk to your H. as far as the relative becoming "involved" then you just need to make it clear to them that if they truly care for you then they will respect your wishes for them to back off.

on the other hand, looks like you have a "good" ally and if he goes off on your H then so be it. that's a consequence of your H's actions, don't let your H bully you into what you say and do because you want to reconcile. steve harley told me that i could not be the one to talk about the things my H was doing HOWEVER if it came from family and friends then that was fine and could even help the situation. it's a delicate situation. hence the need to be in counseling if you're not already in it.

good luck and prayers to you, RR

Pemberley,

Im a bit confused here.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> H seperated with you but he expects NOBODY to find out??? How could that possibly happen?

It's kind of like "he made his bed, now he gets to "lie" in it??~~ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I would tell H you are not a liar and if anyone who cares about you and or your H asks, your going to tell them the "truth".

There is something terribly frightening to the WS about the truth isn't there??? I wonder why??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I am taking from your post that you are the BS ....I hope I have the info right??

The TRUTH hurts .....but it is necessary. You have every RIGHT in the world to stand up with it, and not become like your secretive H.

Blessings,
Atruheart

<small>[ September 25, 2004, 10:29 AM: Message edited by: pemberley ]</small>

Exposure and telling people about the seperation should have happened already. Great, it's happening now. It was inevitable, people were going to find out, and the sooner the better. Part of Plan A is exposure.

So you talk with the relative and you tell him what you know. WH is angry because he knows what he is doing is wrong, but wants to continue it anyway...

<small>[ September 25, 2004, 10:30 AM: Message edited by: pemberley ]</small>

IMO, you can and should spend time with whomever you choose if/after you are separated.

In my H's family, we still see his "Aunt" often, even though she's been divorced out of the family for 20 years. And I also still keep in touch with my X-SIL, even though there are no ties to our family any longer.

yes, you handled the conversation well. it sounds like this relative calmed down a bit. it's also VERY encouraging that his family is supporting you. i don't remember if you said you have kids but having allies w/the IL's in cases where there are no kids are involved can only be good for you.

i have not spoken to my IL's since april and that was only due to me calling them. they have basically written me off. very sad after 11 years of marriage and i don't even get a card or a quick phone call.

i think you should take them up on the offer to visit but i wouldn't do anything right away. give a little time but also be aware that anything you do w/his family could be perceived by him in a very bad way. although this should not dissuay you only that you should be aware and expect the worse.

keep up the good work and the prayers. RR

<small>[ September 25, 2004, 10:31 AM: Message edited by: pemberley ]</small>

as has been my mantra, just do what you can, when you can, for as long as you can, and w/God's grace you will come out smelling like roses and a better person for having been through this.

i would suspect you are probably right about the rest of the family. but they also might just feel extremely awkward and not know what to say. just don't give them any kind of "ammunition" to use against you. i'm sure you won't.

i fully understand about the support. i've experienced a lot of the lack of actually having someone i person or near by for support. i'm new to this area and don't have any family here. i've moved around all my life so it's not necessarily new for me to have to develope new friendships, etc. but it is the first time that i haven't had my husband and am dealing w/my marriage ending. that does hamper things somewhat. but God is continuing to provide for me in ways that i never thought. i have started to pray everyday that God would send godly friends my way and that i would be able to support them as well as they support me and we would be able to offer each other some companionship. i don't think it would hurt for you to ask for the same thing. didn't Jesus tell us to make our request known and if we did he would give us our heart's desires?

stay the course. God can do anything but fail, prayers to you, RR