OK,

I'm being forced out of the house. Setting up my own place soon. Divorce is proceding forward. Is it time to Plan B? I have kids I adore.'

In addition, Would enjoy some companionship. I have some offers on the table that I have ignored. Sometimes I feel like pursuing it, but I'm scared too. I know some of my judgement my be impaired and I am probably in some Fog right now too.

<small>[ September 04, 2004, 11:07 AM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

I know the reality may differ but I have often heard professionals recommend that the one should wait at least 1 yr. after a divorce is final to begin dating. If you don't give yourself time to heal then you just may carry a load of baggage into another relationship which wouldn't be fair to either of you.

Still concentrate on being the best Dad you can. Maybe get involved in group activities that you may enjoy...sports, church, communitiy..etc.

I would think that plan B would be in order when you move out. Who knows, your wife may wake up out of her fog and fantasy some day. It would help not to be involved with another if that happens within the year. She needs to have her OM try to meet all her needs for a while.

Will she need to find employment after you are divorced?

Hi Tom,

I agree with Trix on the dating, for the reasons stated but also because your kids don't need any additional people in their life right now. Because their mom is in the fog and not fully there for them, so you need to be. When we are lonely and vulnerable it is so easy to get caught up in a relationship that you only meant to be casual. The girl you intend to date "casually" would have input into the relationship also, and before you know it you could be in a very complicated mess.

Companionship would be so nice I know, but if you are still in love with your WW, why not do everything you can for your marriage now, and if you haven't done Plan B yet, what would it hurt.
Did you do a good Plan A? I can't remember.

Are you still in love with your WW, and do you still want the marriage if you could have it?

<small>[ September 04, 2004, 08:12 AM: Message edited by: weaver ]</small>

okay, I'm not saying this is good advice but this is what I did and it helped me tremendously. I have been married 3 years with 3 boys, 5, 3, and 1. I kept the children during the week and she had them on the weekends

After she had been gone a month, I got fed up with it. I needed companionship, I always have needed it. I met someone I liked and started a casual relationship. I let her know up front my situation and that I didn't need a relationship in that sense. I never brought her around the children and she was ok with that. She kept my spirits up. We were more real close friends more than anything else.

Well, consequently my wife found out and got jealous. Things weren't exactly picture perfect in her affair, and combined with the fact I might move on, missing the kids, missing stability, etc. she decided to come back home. She's been here for 2 weeks now. We are slowly coming back together, and things are looking good.

The casual companion helped in many aspects, she made me feel less lonely, more confident, , appreciated, and I believe she opened my wife's eyes to the reality I could very well move on.

So like I said, I'm no expert and many people may say I went about it the wrong way, but that's what I did and it worked out for me. Every situation is different.

Whoa Tom, down boy. You must wait until you are divorced to date. Don't worry, you will have plenty of companionship.

In the meantime, make yourself a nice home that you and your children will enjoy.

When the kids aren't around, have some friends over. Go out and do things and leave the women alone for now.

On what grounds are you being forced out of the house? Are you seeking sole custody of your children?

As for your question: I do not think that it is reasonable to assume that a man or woman should have to endure a set time period after divorce before meeting and dating new people. The time needed to recover will, and should in my opinion, vary from person to person. To go for one year without having the needs of SF and companionship filled for an entire year will only serve to make a man more desperate to find and possible marry anyone willing to meet these emotional needs.

Having said that, you should wait until after the divorce is final before attempting to establish a casual or serious relationship. As was stated in another post, you should also be honest about your situation with any women that you date. Don't rush into another marriage on the rebound!

Since we are getting the divorce the judge said somebody has to move.

WW is SAHM. I am provider. I am supposed to leave, but keep providing financially. Of course she is not required to provide any domestic support and hasn't. Except to take care of herself.

WW is supposed to find job. But she is not looking and I don't expect her to find one. I don't really know how I'll pay all the bills on two homes. She contributes nothing.

Tom -

I think that you moving out may be a blessing in disguise. Your wife is blaming everything on you right now. When you are gone, she will have to face reality.

Have you read the 180 plan? That is what I would suggest. She might wake up real quickly.