OK I was not going to post this casue it could be nothing or something that will clear up ,, but I was well pissed ...

As ya all know we are doing real good at least I think so most of the time then I feel like the steps go backward alittle ,, and then my imagination takes over and well ,,, RAMBLING AGAIN ...

OK , H asked while we where talkinf about kids and there personality 's ect... MY D is just like him ,,, I said , yes exactly its scary ,, we laughed !

Then he says what trait of me do you dislike the most ,,, (something like that )

I said, well do you want an honest answer ,, he laughed and said , of course what other answer is there ,,,,,

OK , you are selfish .

He said, what are ya nuts I am the most unslef person I know ... I said , well not really ..

Then he said, oh give me just 1 example where I am self ...??(bad move )

I opened mouth insert foot and wham !

Well YOu wouldn't do N/C with OW till YOU where ready ..... Until YOU convined her to leave YOU ...

And told me you had to do it that way TO PROTECT YOURSELF !

You said, it was never about her hurting or for that matter me ,,, it was about how anyone in her world or job would prseve YOU!

All about the affect on YOU <<< always YOU ..
To me thats SELF serving ... SELFISH !!!

There are some other things but ya asked for just 1 ,,,,

There was no yelling or anything but he was mad .

Now mind ya , its not like we have never talked about him being selfish ,, so I was not hiding anything and I except these little things of course talk about them as they araise ,,,

BUT was I to much should I ahve not brought OW up ?

I was always honest to tell him the way N/C happened will always bother me and never well be settled for me ...

This lead to one of his oh god life is always about something that is in the past ....

We went to bed fine holding cuddling ,, kisses ,, love ya....

BUT it bothers me his unwillingness to admit that was a selfish thing ....

Patience 3, remember patience.

Your mind and heart are in sync. He will stew a bit but he also knows he gave you permission for it. Let him digest what you said.

I think it was good in the sense that you did not divulge before he gave permission.

Now keep watching his actions. These things take time.

His reflection that he sees isn't perfect, though he would like them to be. How he deals with them has been shown t/b his responsibility.

U R ok. I don't believe you are wrong. In fact, more of us s/b doing it this way.

Consider it progress. Is that a better spin? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hugz,
L.

Nobody said honesty can't hurt. Noone says honesty can't upset someone else. No one said that those are LB's. I think its just fine. He must remember, he asked, and don't worry, he knows it. It will be fine. Sure, maybe you could have danced around the subject, but, now, at least, he can't complain he didn't understand the conversation. That is honestly,the point of talking, conveying a message. Sounds like a great conversation, actually, even though both ofyou left it feeling 'off'.

Hey Orchid! Ever finish those apple pies?!?! (Still waiting at the mailbox everyday for mine! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 3isacrowd:
I was always honest to tell him the way N/C happened will always bother me and never well be settled for me ... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">3iac! I even pictured you with your attitude going to--of course there's no need for yelling! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Besides what orchid said--we should be dealing with these types of things head on, instead of pussyfooting around it--I do have a suggeestion. *YOU* write a letter of NC. Write it with your husband over a glass of wine or a nice cup of coffee. Get it all out. (OK, this is gonna sound weird, but...) have fun with it. (You seem to be at that stage of communication, so WTF?)

After your done writing it, burn it.

I don't know...may be way off base here, but it seems, like I quoted you, it will always be an issue for you. This may help it a bit, huh?

I agree Orchid , I know my mind and heart are together I think LOL
I am watching his actions and they stayed very nice even though I know he was well upset we will call it ...

Ya know my honesty level is well up there sometimes way up like an air balloon LOL .

I do face head on he still is an avoider but i've learned very well how to deal with it and wait for the "right" times for things to be talked about. T U Orchid.

Rook- feel the same way , honesty isn't always served on a siler plater all buutered up ! T U.

LINY-- Thanks for the suggestion , long history here on that topic(n/c letter)
I have done that about the dummie letter , long ago STUNNEDDAD , suggested it ...

Well it doesn't work for me ,, What can I say I am THICK real Italian LOL .

Just 2 issues I know I may live with forever ,, the N/C letter (unless ow ever attempts contact again)

And the fact that H will never say that OW did ANYTHING WRONG she was a VICTOM . Don't get me started ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Ok well I needed the support talk . thanks GUYS !

I am PMS'ING and I am crazy during that time ...
Sorry guys ,, LOL

I have a habit of LB'ing so I needed to check myself there . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Sheeesh!!!
A high strung, Italian NY'er...who's PMS'ing? I will say a prayer for the hubby tonight!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

(Sorry about the suggestion.)