Oh, boy was I nervous. Then I hit the "Send" button and a huge burden was lifted. Now the waiting game. Will I receive a reply? Not sure. Will OM contact my WW (EA only)? Don't know. I'm pretty anxious right now. Waiting for the <blank> to hit the fan.

I'm even wondering if I did the right thing.

We'll see what happens.

Just_Friends_NOT!

Good for you .
You have NO idea how much courage that took.
It will hit the fan.. you know that..expect it...and expect it to be as worse as it can get..so you're not caught off guard.

You're taking necessary steps to recover your M... that's all that matters in the end..no matter what that is.

Big pat on the back !

Here's what will happen. OM will contact your wife and she will be furious. She will probably tell you that now you've ruined any chance of recovery, it is all your fault, blah, blah, blah.

Anyway that is what usually happens. So batten down the hatches.

believer is EXACTLY on the money. And you shouldn't pay any attention to anything you hear for a while.

They will be forced to examine the bindings of thir relationship now its in the light, and a dollar to a pinch of '[censored] doody they ain;t more than mutual flattery and furtive sex.
Sit back, be calm and watch it unfurl. Your WS will be as spiteful as they can possibly be for a while. But they may not leave.

All blessings

Listen to Believer! She told me the same thing six weeks ago when my WH found out that OW family was told.

She was right.

He threatened, yelled and cursed.

He said it was over and he wasn't going to try.

Right now he's at home taking care of our baby, working on our relationship and we just came home from a family Disneyland trip.

It took a little while, but he got over it.

double post, sorry

<small>[ September 16, 2004, 12:26 PM: Message edited by: faithinme ]</small>

Well, it hit the fan. OMW sent message to OM who contacted my WW. Under the agreement though out MC. If anyone of us felt threatened, we would have to leave for the night. We agreed to this and I am holding to it. She asked me to spend the night at my friends house. She set up an appointment with our MC for 6:00 tomorrow. We'll see how it goes.

Any final thoughts or recommendations.

Just_Friends_NOT

Well, I think you have a fairly good idea of how it will go. Your wife will be furious, and blame you, and say that they were just friends, how could you do this, blah, blah, blah.

So rest up for the onslaught tomorrow.

JF..NOT......It's amazing how accurate Believer and others have been. They're not joking. Stand-by for some heavy rolls. After I exposed to OM's mother, I was "fortunate"???? enough to see a side of my WW I never knew existed. Pure <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> BTW, I exposed twice to OM's mother and the second <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> wasn't near as bad because I knew what to expect.

But what happened after that? Well, WW calmed down and within three days, things were cordial again. Noone can stay as mad as "the first moment after exposure"....not for long anyway.

As BIJ said, prepare tonight and expect the worst. You won't be caught offguard and she may not be as mad as others - but it's a pretty textbook response.

You're doing great.....Hang on for the ride and as Pure Bob said "sit back and watch it unfurl".......LS

JFN just a final reinforcement - Do NOT take any of the sh1t you will get thrown at you in the next couple of weeks personally. ACTIVELY detach yourself from the situation. When you get the spiteful question " WHY did you do such a terrible thing ??? " ( meaning : our love story Affair looks like a bunch of tawdry, lying fumbling now you turned on teh light !!! Why didn;t you keep quiet so our lie could live on???), prepare a non-LB reply and stick to it.

I used " I took a hard decision to do what I felt was in the best interests of our marriage. I am sorry you are upset, I am also upset, but I would rather be upset by truth than by falsehoods and secrets."

FWW said " well we have no marriage, thats it I'm going blablabla".

All blessings and PLEASE detach yourself. Its not your WW saying the things she will say, its the alients that have rented space in her brain.
Buy a good bottle of white wine and rent a coupla movies while they wrestle their demons over this. Whatever happens immediately is unlikely to persist, so if your W leaves for a travelodge or something it won't be for ever most likely. It will be to hurt you, as a punishment for p1ssing on her nachos, not a strategic life decision.

BTW OM ain't gonna be very happy either. Although you will be sad at OMs W suffering at the reciept of the information, you can enjoy OM dodging crockery (c) kiwiJ for a day or two ! HAH ! Chickens coming home to roost make a smashing sound ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Be proud BTW, you did a RIGHTEOUS and VERY BRAVE thing. Whatever happens IT WAS RIGHT to do this. NEVER fear truth.

OM e-mailed me, but I did not respond. From the content, I am guessing OMW had no idea about this relationship as well.

I left a copy of "Not Just Friends" on the counter before I left for my friends house. I wonder if my WW will read it.

Didn't get much sleep last night, as expected. As a courtesy to my WW, I did not disclose any details to our mutual long time friends. I would not be fair to my WW at this time. Back a couple months ago, around D-day, my wife disclosed a bunch of stuf to some of her co-workers. There was a event over the summer, where myself and these co-workers were present. Needless to say I was very uncomfortable.

Thanks for the advice. I will not take any of it personally. I really have my head on striaght now. I was in that really bad place a couple months ago (weight, sleep, twilight zone).

On the way to work, I collected my thoughts on waht to say tonight.

I am going to say I feel threatened by this relationship, therefore I think I should stay home.

I'm hanging on.

Just_Friends_NOT

Good job.

What did OM say in his e-mail?

PulllLLLLLLeeeezz tell us for our morning entertainment?

5 bucks says it includes something about invading his privacy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ September 17, 2004, 07:13 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

Or maybe he talked about the notification hurting his wife?

Here is the thing ... the OM is a licensed psych. (DR. OM). I think he knows what to say. He's had training.

I don't have a copy of the e-mail, but the main point in the messsage said ....

There is a misunderstanding. He also said the e-mail I sent was accurate. He did not say anything about his wife's response.

He also called our house last night while I was getting my stuff packed. He left a message on the answering machine. I did not pick up.

Just_Friends_NOT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Just_Friends_NOT:
<strong>OM is a licensed psych.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ooooooooooo Baby!!!!!

Pennies from heaven!

This opens up HUGE opportunities for exposure effectiveness!

OF COURSE there's a misunderstanding! He misunderstands how much trouble he may already be in! Or - he REALLY understands it and is squirming already. Don't be surprised if this cockroach is scurrying for a dark hiding place.

I suggest you pick up his message and secure as much evidence as you can.

I don't know your story, but is your wife his patient? If not, is there a business relationship?

WAT

This OM is from another state. They met in college back in 1989. She never told me she was his patient. I don't think there is a bussiness relationship (money exchanged).

Their relationship was e-mails, Yahoo chat, phone calls, pictures. In this order All in secret. Nothing romantic, but intimate. Negative comments towards me, supporting my wife's conversations to him. He was aware of how uncomfortable I was with the relationship, but still kept contacting.

Just_Friends_NOT

Why are you leaving your house for any reason? This is your house and you have been betrayed by your W via her affair. Have you not already been victimized enough? How is that you have to leave your own house because her sleazy activities were exposed??

If anyone leaves, it should be HER for putting you in this position. Also, do you realize that every time you leave, you just give her an opportunity to freely communicate with the OM? In other words, you are enabling her affair.

I think that is a bad agreement that helps no one and the solution it to not continue a bad agreement, but break it.

I find it very disconcerting that this OM is brazen enough to call your house. I would put some pressure on him for that and call his W.

Will your W send a no contact letter? What does she say about this guy calling your home?

Let me ask you a question. If you had pure motives towards a married woman, in secret, and found out that it bothered her husband, would you keep it up?

JFN:

Do what WAT suggested and what Bob Pure did: Assemble as much evidence as you can against this creep. Inform his W that you have it.

This man is a MONSTER because of his abuse of his professional position - whether he treats your W as a professional or not - he's violating his own work ethic. He needs to be STOPPED.

-Qfwfq (aka 2long)

Here is my past posts for some history :

Original Post

Letter to OM's Wife

I made some edits before I sent it, so it's not exact.

Just_Friends_NOT