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Re: WW just asked me if she could go out w/ OM....I was set up.....Advice please
#1187383 09/18/04 01:06 AM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 200
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lostsailor Offline OP
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lostsailor
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Posts: 200
Wanted to add one twist to today. Last week I gave WW a copy of His Needs/Her Needs to take with her to her apartment.

Well tonight, before she left she told me she's going to read some of it tonight. During her nightly call to let me know she got in the apartment okay, she said she had the book open and had started reading it.

Can't see the crystal ball, but I may just ask a couple of questions about it in the morning to see if it's another attempt at a smokescreen.

Just thought that was an interesting twist......LS
Re: WW just asked me if she could go out w/ OM....I was set up.....Advice please
#1187384 09/18/04 01:46 AM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
San Diego County
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believer Offline
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LS -

You did very well. I see you getting stronger every day. It is amazing what happens when you get input from everyone.

It is so hard when you are smack dab in the middle of an emotional situation to know what to do. But you can always count on the folks here to come through for you.
Re: WW just asked me if she could go out w/ OM....I was set up.....Advice please
#1187385 09/18/04 02:31 PM
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 9,015
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ForeverHers Offline
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lostsailor - Good job!

The interesting thing about Boundaries is that they are about what you won't let someone else do to YOU. And they have consquences. Others can choose to violate your Boundaries, but they should not be surprised when you enforce the consequences. The difference between patient love and being a "doormat."

Nice job of establishing the boundary and the consequence. The choice was hers, and she made the "correct" choice. Give her a hug when next you see her.

....and consider never saying a bad word about pizza ever again!!!

God bless.
Re: WW just asked me if she could go out w/ OM....I was set up.....Advice please
#1187386 09/18/04 08:29 PM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 491
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TTSi Offline
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I think it's safe to say that LS has now gained that critical understanding he needed in order to be effective in his dealings with his W.
Wouldn't you say so LS?
Funny how you can change some major dynamics around just by saying one sentence...
I'm happy for you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Re: WW just asked me if she could go out w/ OM....I was set up.....Advice please
#1187387 09/20/04 06:34 AM
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
No. Va.
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worthatry Offline
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Good job, LS.

Keep us posted.

I didn't want to tell you this until this episode was over: My WS had a session with Steve. Just one. She had read HN/HN prior to the session. In short, she used HN/HN to further justify the affair she wasn't having. Translation: her ENs were "finally" being filled, so her love was real.

But your wife is different. She's not running from a comparable crisis and she is squarely atop the fence.

Keep doing what you're doing. Plan B would end it, I suspect, but I believe you need to consult Steve as to how to get there.

WAT
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