Hello! My friend and I accidentally found evidence this past June that her husband was cheating on her with a woman at work for about 3 years. While the wife was shocked, I wasn't. I saw something happening between them at least 3 years ago or more. At that time, and in between too, I had recommended this site and Dr. Harley's books...but nothing came of it then as the wife was afraid of counseling and the husband was very closed to it.

In any case, the couple are now in counseling and reading Dr. Harley's books, but the issue I have is my friendship with them. I don't know how to be a friend to them in their current situation. I honestly have come to greatly dislike the husband over the past few years as I saw him becoming more and more vicious to my friend. Last I heard too, he was still not very open to counseling, but is trying his best. Some part of me fears, though, that he doesn't really love her. But that's just me.

If anyone has words of wisdom for me, I'd appreciate them. I'm the only one who knows about his affair and the wife has been coming to me constantly about this and their counseling issues. I feel I may know too much and that she has become too dependent upon me. Help please. Don't want to lose a friend, but don't want to be a counselor to her and get overwhelmed too.

Thanks in advance.

Hi -

Welcome to marriagebuilders. Oh this is such an easy one! Tell your friend that you are her friend, but not a counselor. Refer her AGAIN to this site. Let her know that her issues are overwhelming you, and you do not feel qualified to give her any input.

I have burnt all of my friends out with my problems. I no longer talk to them about my marriage/divorce problems. Instead I come here and vent. Works for me.

Believer, your reply had me smiling <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Thanks. You're advice is great and you're right...easy too. I suppose "honesty is the best policy."

All the best,
SPJ

You are welcome. And remember, you cannot be an impartial observer for your friend. My friends cannot be that for me. They all tell me to dump husband.

The only folks that can truly help your friend are the ones that have been through this. Send her here, and she will get many different points of view. We will listen to her endlessly, stroke her gently, and sometimes cybersmack her.

I agree 1000% with Believer.

I have a sister whose husband I abhor. He has almost destroyed my sister. When our parents were alive they even had an RO on him. I believe he would have killed my sister if she didn't go back with him the one time she left. When our parents died he stole almost all the money out of their estate, still she stays with him and defends him.

I am the only one left out of our siblings who speaks to my sister and I never talk to her about her husband because I would lose her if I did.

Ditto with a friend of mine who is dating someone who is going to break her heart.

I don't talk to my friends about my relationship stitch because they would hate him, and think I am a nut case if they knew the half of it.

Yep with relationship talk, you just have to listen but your lips must stay zipped. If thats too hard then you can't listen either.