Hello MB friends....

Am not feeling too spiffy right now.

WH here....I saw on his work cell phone where he had called OW at the office (I know her work #) just this past Thursday.

So, I told WH "I KNOW that you are still in contact with OW. I KNOW THIS. Maybe you don't see her, but you are still calling her. This is unacceptable to me."

WH just shook his head yes..."I'm just trying to cut her off little by little".

I said "Everytime you contact her, because you don't want to hurt her, you are hurting me."

WH: "I know. I know. I don't want to hurt you."

Me: "Have you given her cell phones back?"

WH: "No, I haven't had time to do anything."

Me: "You need to decide who you want. Do you know that?"

WH: "I want you."

Me: "Then you need to have no contact with her whatsoever. And when you have done that, we can talk."

WH: "You mean you don't want me to even call you?"

Me: "Not if you are still calling her. Just the same thing I wrote in that letter, and in the email I sent."

I told him that these things I have told him are my boundaries. We can work on our marriage when he has done these things. And, he needs to do them willingly.

Then he kind of went on about how he isn't trying to string anyone along. How he's got some things inside of him that he's trying to deal with (same old story), that really doesn't have anything to do with OW or me.

I was firm. "When you are no longer contacting OW, then we can talk."

He left. He was feeling bad. I feel bad, but know I'm doing the right thing. Just seeing that he had called her at work the other day just sealed this for me.

Everytime I find that he contacts her, it's just as if he slapped me in the face.

Makes me think of a dream that I've had many times in the past few years.....I'm running down a road with doors all along it, looking for WH. Doors open here and there, and WH is with OW (tho I've never actually seen her in real life), and they are laughing at me.

Sleepy time is over. Now it's WH's time for a wake up call. I'm getting stronger and stronger.

Thanks to you guys.... Mel, Pep, Believer, bb... and everyone who has encouraged me to be strong.

I want my H back. I dearly love him. But having him at any cost is no longer acceptable to me.

K

K- Stick to your guns. If it will help you I will send you a batch of about 30 letters from my WH that say the OW will be, could be should be gone, husband doesn't want to hurt her, he needs more time to break it off gently, he loves me and wants to be with me, can't hurt her, will be breaking it off in a day, a week, a month, blah, blah, blah.

He has been with her for 20 months. I just got another letter yesterday, saying the same old same old.

Stay dark, and do not back down. That is your best chance to save your marriage.

The other problem, as the Harley's point out, is that the more this goes on, the more love you will lose for your husband. Then one day, you won't love him at all.

K, great job!

Now, brace yourself because he will AGAIN try to do everything in his power to get you to break your nc with him so he can MAINTAIN two women. The hard part has just begun. Just brace yourself for that call in a few days that he is "willing" to consider ending things or some other kind of crap.

Your response must be "NO CAN DO. Call me when you have finally ended your affair." CLICK

Be prepared to ignore his calls for the next couple of weeks, because he is nowhere NEAR ready, K. And if you are readily available or if you break Plan B again, I would say that he will never take your plan seriously again. He will know that he can carry on his affair and schmooze his way back into your graces for a K fix. Don't let him do it, because it only prolongs his affair, K.

K - Listen to Melody - she told me the same thing, but instead I believed WH.

Thanks....

I know what you are saying is true.

I just found out from a young mutual friend of DD and myself, that one of WH's depressed/suicidal nights (a couple of weeks ago) WH called DD and wanted her to come over and talk to him; he was really down, blah, blah, blah...

DD told him she was busy that evening but that she didn't know if she could come over later or not. She finally went to WH apartment around 2a.m., and guess what? WH WASN'T THERE!!!!

There's probably no need to wonder where he was... at OW's place, no doubt!

Until I heard that little tidbit, I was feeling like WH was really trying.... and I was being hard on him......

NO! NO! NO!

I could clearly see that WH is still hiding and seeing OW probably as often as he needs to.

This was just what I needed to hear to stop me from having those "jello" thoughts!

I'm braced! I have half of next week off....I should go visit someone that lives a few hours away. That's a good idea! I think I'll do that!

Feeling better...and stronger, and stronger.

I keep reading, and re-reading all of your replies whenever I feel like wavering. I want to burn them into my mind so I don't "fall back".

Thanks!!!!! K

Believer,

Your post about your WH's letters made me think of a line I heard in an old movie once. It kind of goes like this...

"I was just thinking about comensing to begin to try to get started with that.."

It should be named "The WH's Lament"! Cracks me up!

K

And Melody...

Just to let you know....I now have plans firmly set to go away for a long weekend.

And, as it turns out, WH's birthday will be during that time. I know he will probably expect to hear from me.

I guess the best way not to cave in is to keep yourself busy!

Thanks for the advice....Consider it taken!

K

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by k72172:
<strong>
"I was just thinking about comensing to begin to try to get started with that.."

It should be named "The WH's Lament"! Cracks me up!

K </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hahhaahaa! That is sooooo appropos!

K, that will shake him up but good when he has to celebrate his b-day all alone. He will really have an opportunity to miss you and see what he risks if he doesn't give up the OW. Hang tight and don't back down!

K.....My first thought is kinda lame but it jumped at me...."YOU GO K!" I read your entire thread twice and it gave me a smile both times.

Just wanted to add my support for what I know is a tough challenge. I'll be posting mine very soon and will be joining you in the Plan B world.

IMHO, I agree and think the birthday alone will shake his insides a bit. I say that because even as a BS, my WW missed mine and although I'm not sappy about it, the thought crosses my mind. Not even sure what plan I was in back then but it sure stuck with me.

Admire your strength!......LS

Mel and LS....

I'm hanging in there. And again, thanks for the support.

Please don't admire me too much, though. I've already blown Plan B twice now. So, if you're planning on going this route, listen to Mel.

DON'T BACK DOWN. Things would have already been over with if I had not gone on the "date" with WH after he wrote me "the letter" a few weeks ago.

The last line of the letter should have snapped me to attention - "If you do want me back, then let me know. And I will resolve things on my end once and for all". (WH's Lament "I was just thinking about comensing to get started.....").

I went on that "date". Then, WH didn't call for days. By the time he did call (a million times) I was already regreting my decision to see him.

If I had stayed strong, then a couple more weeks probably would have done the trick.

But thanks, LS. I'm just doing my best. Without the support I get here, well, I'd be lost.

And, please know that you have my support. This is really tough on everyone involved. BS most of all.

K

Hi K,

I think I'm gonna come over there and give your WS a "Swift kick in the pants!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You stay strong and have trust, it's gonna work out!

Listen to the advise you are getting because it's based on experience.

If you wanna get away, you're "invited" over here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> (many hours away.......... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

take care & hugs
bb

[peeking from under the covers]
Just wanted to give a shout of support, myself. Been following your story from the beginning--even though haven't posted since that first dreadful thread!

So glad for you--you sound soooo strong now! Keep it going. He can *NOT* have his cake and eat it too and you are doing a wonderful job in explaining this and showing him!

Keep it up, k2!

K -

I too have followed your story and just wanted to jump on the support wagon.

Your WH is a master manipulator and this is just the ticket he needs to finally learn good relationship skills, can't manipulate your way out of being Plan B'd, (well you can but not for long) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hang tough girl!

Good morning!

I have had the BEST night's sleep I've gotten in a long time.

bb....thanks for the "invite"...and you are "invited" too...especially if you want to kick WH in the pants!

Weaver and LINY, thanks for your support. I'm sure I'm gonna need it during the next few weeks...Just to help me stay strong.

I'm just waiting for the onslaught of calls from WH. I'm sure he thinks he can be more stubborn than I am (and in the past this was VERY true).

WH and DD are cut from the same cloth. Both stubborn to a fault. I'm Plan B'ing both of them right now.

DD called me up and told me off about dragging her into this mess and laying a guilt trip on her. I haven't said a word to her about anything in a long time.

I responded to her text message (I'm sorry. I feel bad for saying those things....etc, etc.) I responded with "I'm sorry you feel bad. You have no right to talk to me that way. I haven't said anything to you in a long time. Don't talk to me if you're going to talk like that. I don't deserve it."

Well, They want to see stubborn? They just hit the brick wall!!!

OOOOHHH!!! I HAVE changed! I AM STRONG!!!!

Thanks for the support.... K

k,

as I have said before, keep on saying: I am Strong.............. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> because you will for sure be strong for what is going to come up.

Hang in there, you're going to make it!!!!

Thanks for the invitation............... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I also get what you mean about your daughter. Daughters somehow really know where and how to push us mothers buttons.
I'm encouraging you here too, because within time your daughter will also learn to "respect" you.

I'm going through the same thing with my daughter (21 yo) and she's slowly getting the hinch. The badmouthing is getting better........
It simply "hurts" doesn't it??? Even if my situation isn't the same as yours, it doesn't help, does it?
So Plan B can also be for her, until she learns to "respect you". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

huggy from me and take care of yourself
bb

k,

as I have said before, keep on saying: I am Strong.............. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> because you will for sure be strong for what is going to come up.

Hang in there, you're going to make it!!!!

Thanks for the invitation............... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I also get what you mean about your daughter. Daughters somehow really know where and how to push us mothers buttons.
I'm encouraging you here too, because within time your daughter will also learn to "respect" you.

I'm going through the same thing with my daughter (21 yo) and she's slowly getting the hinch. The badmouthing is getting better........
It simply "hurts" doesn't it??? Even if my situation isn't the same as yours, it doesn't help, does it?
So Plan B can also be for her, until she learns to "respect you". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

huggy from me and take care of yourself
bb

Hi bb....

Yes, daughters really can push buttons.

My DD is 28. She should be a little more respectful of both of her parents. I don't know how many times I have listened to her cry and lament over boyfriends. The last one she had cheated on her, and gave her an STD. I listened to her for hours over that one!

I guess if she really wants to be left alone, I can do that for her.

She'll come around if she needs something, I suppose.

But as for me, I'll be around people that are more supportive, for now.

I wonder how long it will take WH to finally put an end to his A? Hope it's not too long. My feelings of love and pain have definitely cooled.

That's one reason I know I can be stronger now.

Anyway, back to work. Lunch is over. Have a good day...or night, whatever time zone you're in!

K

Every day you enforce your boundaries is a new day of self-respect...

The more self-respect you have, the more self-confidence you exude...

The more self-confidence you exude, the stronger your boundaries become...

and so it goes.....

The end point is this ... you become more attractive...

and better able to survive and thrive no matter what your confused H decides to do with his life... even if he continues to "wander" ... you are no longer "wandering after" the confused man.... you become more trusting in your own abilities to be confident and attractive.... and strong.

Pep

K...

Just to let you know..I copied this quote and taped it to the wall next to my computor. It will always have a place in this house. What movie did it come from?

Also..you sound so much stronger now. I'm sorry you had to get cut so many times to achieve this degree of toughness, but I'm glad to see it nonetheless.

--Noodle

Hi K,

It is at times like this when other qualities supercede the need t/b married to a WS. Being married to a WS is not logical and it should not be tolerated. Hard to do, hence the reason for plan A. But once the opportunity has been given, then plan B maybe needed.

Keep up the good work. It isn't easy but time will help you heal. The WS only goes downhill from here unless he chooses to change his character to an xws or H.

You continue with your healing process.

take care,
L.