H and I got into a wingdinger on phone tonight. Says he doesn't want to be married to me anymore, says that he needs to be free. I started to cry. He says, "You are so weak, you really need some professional help". I said, " I'm weak, I'm not the one who drove 22 hours to rent a cheap motel and meet MY lover!" ( I know- Lover Buster- I even have postit notes by phone so I DON'T Love Bust) So, is crying a sign of weakness, men? I can't help it. I'm hurt and angry. Come on, give me a break already.

I can understand your crying, I think he was putting on a front because whenever my wife cries I melt. The only way to "protect" myself would be to say something stupid like you are so week.<BR>When I tried Plan A with wife, the only thing that seemed to work was the love busters. That seemed to clear the air and she would eventually (may have been a day or two) she woudl see my point.<BR>I know everything says don't lovebust but it kinda worked for me.

I can understand your crying, I think he was putting on a front because whenever my wife cries I melt. The only way to "protect" myself would be to say something stupid like you are so week.<BR>When I tried Plan A with wife, the only thing that seemed to work was the love busters. That seemed to clear the air and she would eventually (may have been a day or two) she woudl see my point.<BR>I know everything says don't lovebust but it kinda worked for me.

Crying is a release of tension..nothing more..it is good for the soul..there is nothing weak about crying..trust me, a lot of tears have been shed from my eyes lately, and I don't feel the least bit weak..sometimes the tears just wash the pain away for awhile...he was being chauvinist and infantile..keep up the good fight, and shed those tears when you must..and remember, one day soon, God will dry every tear from your eye...Bless you in the name of Christ

CeeCee, I've never thought of myself as being weak, but when W told me today she was filing I had to leave my office and go to the restroom. I had at least some privacy and about 20 minutes of tears. Weakness would be allowing all of this to happen and not caring one way or the other. My tears now help me to understand my sincerity. I'm not lying to myself or trying to manipulate the situation, or striving out of fear to "save face" as my W says. I mean what I feel and I feel all of what I say. I at least know that I am alive. I will keep feeling through the pain until the feeling becomes light and happy once again. Keep your chin up, girl. Trust in yourself and your God, as we all must.<P>------------------<BR>Working to Resolve and Rebuild.

Crying is not a sign of weakness... I used to get mad at my W when she cried.. I think guys are so used to holding in their emotions that when women by nature cry to release tension/stress we say stupid things or get angry. Just because we ( men ) find it easier to hold our emotions doesn't mean its right. I never realized what tension and stress were until my W's affair.. I cried like a 2 year old over and over. Someday maybe he ( Your H ) will understand , or maybe not but know this... Crying is good for the soul and if anything it makes you stronger because after a good cry things tend to be a little less stressful..... Hope that helps...<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P>

Jesus wept. Does that make Him a cheese weenie?<BR>

i remember how my w cried all day, everyday for several days, when i told her i wanted a divorce. it broke my heart to see her hurt so and know i was doing it. i felt like such a betrayer. i felt like a traitor, a piece of ****. it was the worst time of my life. i didn't cry then. when i pulled truck up to the door to move my things out i found i couldn't do it. i took the dog and the two of us went for a long walk. i cried like a baby. <BR>i'm so glad i found my sanity and moved back in with my wife of 26 years. i glad she still wanted me.<BR>we're going on a fishing trip this saturday.

Frankie, you touched me. Thank you. (you have scared me in the past)<P>

CeeCee<P>The richest qualities of a Christian often come out under the north wind of suffering and adversity. Bruised hearts often emit the fragrance that God loveth to smell.<P>God Bless

ceecee, <P>Crying is NOT a sign of weakness. It's an outward sign of pain and sorrow. I melt whenever my W cries. I want to hold her and comfort her.<P>I think my crying is taken as weakness by my W. A few weeks after my W dumped on me, I could no longer control my emotions and I ran to the bathroom and wept. She followed me in and just sat there and watched. No consoling just a blank stare. That was the first time she saw me weep and she was at a loss as to what to do. That was a very tough time. Ever since that night, I kept the weeping to myself. <P>The next time he says you're weak for crying, tell him that the tears you shead are a symbol of the love you have for him and your marriage. <P>SHA<P>------------------<BR>There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved. <BR>

In a word NO. Crying is not a weakness. Crying is a physical response to overwhelming emotions. He says that to you perhaps because he uses "harsh talk" to keep his distance, he's truly "fed up" with dealing with you ( I know hard but possible ) or he's one of those men that's just so macho that he really believes it. Crying probably helps me on the bad days about as much as anything else...

There is nothing wrong with crying about something so devastating. He is being callous. I can just imagine him at a funeral, telling everyone to grow up. He is simply trying to avoid responsibility for actions he took and the resulting emotions you have.

hey ceecee,<P>I'll add my two pence to this thread. If you read my post from earlier today (entitled "barely holding on today"), you'll find that I cry too. I've cried like a baby for the past couple of months. I cry at the drop of a hat now. I cried when I saw Big Daddy for heaven's sake!! <P>This whole situation has made me so emotional, it's really unbelievable. I think I'm outta control in alot of ways, but I don't see it as weakness. It's actually therapeutic to have a good bawl.<P>--airheart

SHA,<BR>She never saw you cry before & she didn't know what to do. Don't be afraid to let her see you have real emotions. You may be surprised at her reaction.<P>I only cried 2 times in 19 years. After I found out about my Wife, I couldn't sleep & was tossing & turning. She went to the couch. I went out & was sniffling a bit & she started yelling. Man, I lost it. I was on my knees bawling like you've never seen anyone cry, begging her not to get mad at me and she just threatened to leave the house and yelled some more. I was in some extremely serious hurt.<P>You are in recovery so she shouldn't get pissed off at you the way my Wife did.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Hey Guys,<BR>Thanks alot. I had no idea I would get such a response. It is so comforting to know that I can come here and unload, and know that everyone here knows how I feel. Thanks for the support.<BR>cc

Chris, <P>My experience was pretty much like yours. I suppose I am some what guard my feelings now in fear of being trampled on. Sometimes she senses some depression in me and asks how I am doing, I've tried responding with honesty and I've tried saying 'I'm just working some things out'. The latter seems to be what she wants to hear. I think she wants me to be a rock; at least in regards to sorrow. I really hope that will change in the future.<P>SHA

Crying is O.K. Grovelling and begging aren't.<P>Cry as needed. Your a person with feelings, not a brick. <P>------------------<BR>

Came back to check this thread and Fighter makes a great point... Crying is wonderful but to USE it or dramatize it with begging and groveling is not good. That does harm.

ceecee,<BR>The calousness of people in the middle of this stupidity is beyond me. You have received the most hurtful thing that a spouse could possibly dish out and because you cry you are weak? GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!! Your being emotional is probably fueling his guilt and for that he has to lash out because guess what HE is the weak one... HE is the one that needs help. You take care of yourself and do not stop with your emotions, if he can't handle it...... good!