sadfww,

i did not confide in anyone about what that dr said to me. i just clammed up instead. i certainly could not tell my H at the time, although i do believe by then he was aware of my cyber problem, to an extent. he never caught me on any of that either, even though i would be out of bed all night many nights, he never missed me. i told him about it, all that was said was "don't do that anymore" and i tried for a while but i failed and he still didn't notice or at least he didn't say anything more about it. this was all BEFORE he started to work on the marriage. he jumped into the marriage in July of 2001 because in conjunction with meeting the OM in person, i decided i wanted a divorce and told him so. although divorce had been brought up prior to that, he never took me seriously, probably because i was not 100% there yet. that is why i decided to meet that person, i knew that would empower me to get serious. very screwed up logic i know, but that was what forced me to let go and accept the marriage was over. i really had lost 100% hope in our marriage. sometimes i feel worse about that fact then about anything else. because i see how for 2 long years he held on and didn't lose hope even though i was so actively out of the marriage.

anyway i did finally tell H about the comment that dr made about a month ago or so. He thought that was terrible too, but nothing to be done about that now. we are where we are.

autumn, well i think now we can stop defending ourselves then, ok? i appreciate your posting to me, i really do, you were such a huge help for me when i confessed the first time. challenging me is good, don't stop!! trust me there is NO x-om that i want to fall back on. I really want my M to survive. and i want to finally be a healthy person and spouse.

CJ,

thanks for your post. i must admit, i am very proud of me too. for once in my life i feel like i may have an opportunity to get on the right path. although i can be a happy person on the outside and don't get me wrong, plenty of things in life have brought me much happiness, on the inside i have not felt whole for as long as i can remember, like even as a kid. i remember falling asleep and fantasizing that i was dead and how maybe then my family would miss me and feel bad about never paying any attention to me. i don't think my situation is the normal "run of the mill" stuff either <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> not sure if that is worse or better. as you say, this is just a fact of my past now, but the present is what matters. i do struggle with labeling myself a serial cheater or sex/love addict because i fear that is unfixable. first although i think the pre-marriage A and the one in 1991 were terrible, it was not the same as what occured in me during 2 1/2 years all this was going on. they felt very different. the pre-marriage one was definitely a true A. I had strong feelings for this person, i knew i had those feelings for many years (we knew each other for a while before this happened) but i was dating my H already when i first met him and that was just the way it was. i didn't know he returned any feelings for me until i was already engaged. it was wrong of me to go into a marriage in that state. but my H was a good man, how could i call off the wedding. he was very critical of me already, but i had him on such a high pedestal back then. i had no right to not marry him if he wanted to marry me. i realize now i didn't own my marriage back then. i am NOT that person anymore either.

today i own my marriage. I want to be married to this person. he is no longer on that pedistal but that is a good thing. and i have learned so much about relationship. with the amount of divorcing that occured in my family, i never had a good stable relationship to model after.

there is no doubt however that when i fell apart in july of 2001 that i did become a serial cheater and sex addict. but i don't have to have that define who i am today.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">you are effectively saying to your spouse, "I don't believe you are mature enough to handle this" and you are short-changing him. You are not giving your spouse the opportunity to love you fully, or to respond in a healthy, mature way. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">CJ, believe me when i tell you this. i am only just now (since last IC session to be exact) capable of confessing the rest of this. I just was NOT capable of it before. Maybe that sounds lame but that is the truth. I'm doing the best i can and i don't plan on stopping until it is all out. the next d-day will be inclusive of all, this i can assure you all of. i don't want to have to do this over and over either. i want it all out on the table too. i want to be healthy!!

however i don't think your idea of doing it TONIGHT is realistic. we have kids. i'm not going to do this at 10pm at night after they go to sleep. that would not be fair to H. I mentioned to him yesterday that i was hoping he and i could go to the lake house for a night without the kids (we have done this once before before d-day). i'm thinking that would be the best way to do this. it will give him some extended time to deal with this without having to play dad at the same time. i have IC tommorow. this will be the topic of conversation. i can appreciate where you are coming from when you say tell him TONIGHT. but i don't beleive that is the best way. i do also agree that time is NOT on my side and the sooner this is done the better.

JL,

thanks for the post. there really is not much that can be said to help me. i know that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

IC says she believes i was in severe depression thru all this. no other diagnosis than that. last week was a huge breakthru for me. i've wanted to talk to H about that but i fear that is manipulating him. how dare i talk about any of this before he knows all the facts. how can i start to explain to him the why's of something he does not even know yet. if it is to get him to buy into it all and he does but he does while still under the impression that the one OM was the whole story, that seems wrong. and yet i think it is good advice in the sense that i doubt he will hear much of anything after i give him details so it seems to be better to say first.

i just don't know. i am hoping IC will be helpful in sorting this out. i know i am as ready as i will ever be. i don't want to take forever to get this out. i want to be able to move into true recovery. i do hope H love bank has been filled some by recent times. i do think having all the info will help him see how that what heppened really was NOT about him. maybe that will bring some comfort?

now i am going to start to cry again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> JL, you asked if there is anything you can do, you have done so much. this board has saved my life more than anything else. there were times i tried using a cyberaa board, long before i found this site. i knew i was sick, i knew my actions were getting out of control, but i just couldn't pull out of the hold it had of me. knowing you guys are all here for me bring me much comfort. much more than i deserve, but i humbly accept it anyway.

FL, I just want to wish you the very best. You have come a very long way and I really believe, somehow, your husband can get past this. I try to put myself in this situation and what it would mean to me if W laid more on me. I think somehow I would be relieved to know that I finally had all of her. As far as losing a close friend I have already been there and did not really have to give it a second thought; W came first. No one can predict or guarantee the future but you can continue to do the right thing and that is the right thing. As much pain as it would cause your H, I really believe it is more than offset at his newfound respect for what you are doing to get your life in order. You're an amazing person.

WOE

FL.....I am so sorry for what you're going through. I always had a feeling that there was more there going on in your life maybe than what you had orginally shared back when I was posting regularly. One thing you need to remember. You are not the same person that you were before when you got involved in these relationships. I think that your husband probably knows this too. This "friend" bothers me!!! How can he feel comfortable golfing with your H as if nothing ever happened. That takes some nerve considering that you have tried to do the right thing by asking him to stay away.

I haven't been able to read your entire post in detail and this advise may have been given already but maybe when you decide to tell your H you can then tell him that you want the 4 of you to sit down and get everything out in the air.

You know FL, we have all done some really stupid things in our lives before so don't think that you have that market cornered!!

I'm praying for you and H.

finally learning: don't post much, but your situation seems more dire than most. you know your husband and maybe can gage his reaction to what you are about to tell him. would it be a good idea to put yourself in an extremely vunerable posistion when you do. that is, symbolically prostrating yourself , or throwing yourself on his mercy. if you thought this would be something which might help should he go off the deep end you might consider going to a lawyer and have the lawyer draw up divorce papers and sign them, give them to husband along with your confession. tell him that is not what you want , but you are giving him the decision along with your confession, explain this is done out of love for him and you feel he should have the choice along with the confession. I know many on here hope for the best for you. sometimes drastic situations call for drastic approaches. too, make some arrangements for him to be able to go to someone immediately and talk he may need someone for support. you may not be that person at that time. two things you might do. God Bless

Just one quick thing, something that was responded to in my last post that I wanted to mention.

Be very mindful of that 'void' feeling.
You need to keep a watchful eye on it, just like
you would observe the neighbor's barking, snarling dog that is behind a fence.
Understanding that void, what causes it and what keeps it at bay is a key I think to your healing.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I guess I could sum up by saying,
"Do not underestimate the powers of the dark side of the force"

Oh yes, one other thing. No matter how you tell your husband, there are probably 1000 good ways to tell him, the most important thing to do is to come to him with a broken heart and contrite spirit. Just the same as you are supposed to come before God and Jesus.
If you do that, everything else will work itself out.

<small>[ September 28, 2004, 07:21 PM: Message edited by: TTSi ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FinallyLearning:
<strong> ... on the inside i have not felt whole for as long as i can remember, like even as a kid. i remember falling asleep and fantasizing that i was dead and how maybe then my family would miss me and feel bad about never paying any attention to me. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">FL, I am very sorry that you felt like your family did not pay attention to you, and I know how awful and rotten that feels. It's like you're invisible. However, that IS the past and now you have people in your life who DO notice you and who pay attention both to what you are going through and what you write back to us! You are not invisible here in the present.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>i don't think my situation is the normal "run of the mill" stuff either <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> not sure if that is worse or better. ...i do struggle with labeling myself a serial cheater or sex/love addict because i fear that is unfixable.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If your definition of "fixable" is that eventually it goes away and you are CURED! then maybe not. But if your definition of "fixable" is that you don't need to continue to chose to act out in that illness, then dear one, it is fixable. I'm with you--I tend to resist labeling because in my opinion a label also limits and restricts--but sometimes a name has to be given that sort of identifies. Since it doesn't seem to be alcohol-related or violent schitzophrenia, what shall we call it? I like Love Addiction, because the tug/pull/allure of looking for love and wanting so very much to BE loved can seem like an addiction...and on occasion love is mixed up with sex so that in the pursuit of love, sex happens.

In my life, I had a childhood that I wanted to forget, so when I graduated high school and went to college, I drank. I went numb with alcohol...and when I had my son, I became sober. It is now almost 20 years later, and when something happens that hurts me, I still think of numbing with a beer...but I choose not to drink it, and I choose to do other things that bring me joy. I think of myself as an alcoholic, and that is not "fixable" because I'll never be "cured"--but I think of myself as fixed because I choose not to drink. See?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>...first although i think the pre-marriage A and the one in 1991 were terrible, it was not the same as what occured in me during 2 1/2 years all this was going on. they felt very different. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep, I totally understand where you're coming from. One kind involves actual feelings and a connection to another human being, and the other kind is...well...sort of a meltdown of sorts. It's like scrambled head! haha! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> ...with the amount of divorcing that occured in my family, i never had a good stable relationship to model after. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah, I had the same thing in my family. My parents were NOT a relationship I could model after, and I really couldn't envision it in my head what a healthy relationship would really look like. How am I supposed to be healthy and take care of myself and have a good relationship when I can't even envision it? That took me a long time to figure out, but FL, it's part of what folks like us have to do--figure it out. We have to practice and learn what it's like to be intimate with another human being when no one has been close with us and we don't know what it's like.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>CJ, believe me when i tell you this. i am only just now (since last IC session to be exact) capable of confessing the rest of this. I just was NOT capable of it before. Maybe that sounds lame but that is the truth. I'm doing the best i can and i don't plan on stopping until it is all out. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I totally understand what you mean. A lot of times people wonder why an abused woman stays and doesn't "just leave"--and it's because they're just not ready. They are WORKING on getting ready, and they may be taking steps to get ready, but they aren't there yet. In the same way that I have to have some faith in you that you will keep working until you are strong enough to be capable of it...you have to have some faith in your H that he will be strong enough to be capable of hearing it. I'm going to respect you enough to DO it when you are capable of it.


CJ

FL...What a great thing, MB, huh? All of this "psychological babble" flying all around you. Opinions and "BTDT"...

Non-judgemental. Really. We're all here for the same, bottom line reason, right? Certainly no judgements.

We're all pulling for you, FL. Forgive us, but it's frustration on our parts. It's seeing a decent human being hurting. And knowing, there's nothing we can do, except watch and see how the sit unfolds, while throwing a wrod or two of encouragement. But, I'll get to that later...

predator: "One that victimizes, plunders, or destroys, especially for one's own gain."

No, you weren't a victim. What you wrote makes complete sense. You were an "active" participant. At the same time, you were a victim. Who do predators prefer? Do they like to fight, or an easy submission? Easy prey? Think about your mindset during that time. You don't think he didn't know that?

But, I wasn't referring to you, per se. Your H is the victim here. And this OM is a predator. Friend? No way. He was only looking out for number one. And still is, just by his continued golf outings and his continued behavior of, this will go away by itself. By his crass, "ballsy" attitude of even being around either one of you anymore. By trying to subdue you into silence. He's not looking out for you, your H, or your M. Just number one in his eyes. Enough of that. We agree that he's no good for you and your M. Period.

well, it's later...Realize something FL: In the past five dyas you have shown tremendous growth. Don't believe me?

Read just your your posts.

We all are pulling for ya, FL! Just doing it in our own ways! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

God bless!

LINY

WOE, thanks for the well wishes. i'm afraid to say i have not kept up with you so much in recent times. i did read the topic about you putting your foot down and thought that was excellent!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Lisa, thanks for your post and your prayers.

checkers, thank you for your post and suggestions. i understand the concept of having divorce papers ready and waiting but i do not think that is a good idea. i don't want to give him that opportunity while he is in initial shock of what he has just heard. that seems to me to be stacking the deck AGAINST us. plus i believe he will look at those papers and decide that this is what I must want, otherwise why get them ready. a divorce is certainly NOT what i want. as for making arrangements for him to talk to someone, he is not the talking kind. he has not talked to anyone about what i have already told me, nor does he want to. that is just not his style. i do want us to take seperate cars so that if he decides he wants to stay at the lake house by himself he can do that. we can easily tell the kids he is staying to do some work on the house before it turns cold. i think that is the best arrangement i can make for him.

TTSI, i hear what you are saying o-b-wan and i agree. i will keep a watchful eye out.

CJ, i like your definition of fixable and thanks for sharing your story. i am glad you are able to keep alcohol out of your life now. thanks for your faith in me. that is very kind and mean a lot.

LINY, yes MB is awesome. thanks for being a part of it.

must get the son up and motivated for school now.

FL- just wanted to check in with you today and see how you were holding up. It sounds like you have a plan and are doing pretty darned well! I'm so glad!

<small>[ September 30, 2004, 06:23 AM: Message edited by: Sadfww ]</small>

Hey Karen~

Thought I'd check in to see how you're doing. I hope things are square with us. Articulating my thoughts well, is not one of my strengths.

Hope all is well...

~ad

Hi Autumn,

yes everything is absolutely square with us!! i trust you saw my response to you?

this has been a draining day, i really wish i could get out and have a drink AND a cigerette!! so far i have done neither. i tend to only smoke when i am stressed or if i am drinking with a smoker. i have not been a big time smoker since the kids were born (15yrs ago). i smoked in HS and college. but my body doesn't seem to get hooked on it. i can easily have one or two and then stop again. drives my siblings crazy, most of them would love to quit. i also am not one to drink very often anymore, never was a big drinker but tonight i would love to have some Baily's!!! i'll have to come up with something to pamper myself tonight. maybe a hot soak in the tub or a long walk with the dog once my H gets back. (maybe the long walk will include a stop at the White Hen for a smoke!!!)

i don't really feel like getting into the details of the day right now. maybe tommorow. i'm off to pay bills and do laundry. thanks for the Hi.

Totally understand about sometimes not wanting to get into details. Sometimes we just need a litle hiatus from it all. I hear you on the drink thing. I'm done bf'g, so I can actually have one again. Funny you should mention Bailey's. My H is about as dry as one can be, (not that I drink much more), but he really enjoys a Bailey's or two on flights. My eyes about bugged out the first time I heard him order one--so used to him not drinking. He told me he'd been doing that for most of the years he's been going overseas. He's also loosened up enough now that he brings home a very nice bottle of wine every once in awhile! (I think he finally caught on to how it loosens me up) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Oh Karen, I wish I could tell you of all of our similarities, (and now you've talked about your fantasies as a youngster-- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> --very similar)!

I didn't say you were a brave woman, without a reason.

I hope you have a very pleasant evening!
~ad

PS. Did you ever figure out the "nerak" thing I brought up long ago?

hi. well i am drinking right now. no bailys here and when H just called to ask me a question, i asked him to get my baily's but he reminded me that it's not a good idea to drink with the meds (i told him this when i got on them 6weeks ago, i told him to not push me when we have company to join others that are drinking, that i wanted to let the meds work in the best possible way, guess he was actually listening to me that time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )

but i did find a small airport size bottle of whiskey so i mixed it with some sierra mist. the one will have to do, nothing else in the house i like. H has scotch, yuck and beer, that is ok but not really something i enjoy unless it is hot and i'm at a picnic. i do enjoy white wine sometimes too.

yes i figured out nerak, although i think you really had to hit me over the head with it!!! as for the childhood fantasy, i sure hope it was not what i think it was. what i would pretend as i went to sleep? well the good news is we don't do that now!! right?

boy, i sure wish you lived in chicago area!!!

oh yeah, what the heck is bf'g i'm probably being very dense here, like i was with the nerak one!!! ok bills done, now off to laundry. thanks for the post, it was nice to get <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen,

I'm glad your H is looking out for you with the alcohol/meds thing.

Yes, I had similar thoughts sometimes whilst falling asleep as a child. No, I don't have the same thoughts anymore. However, pre and post D-day, and still to this day, I do have thoughts of ending things. The thoughts only occur on very dark days, and I tend to come to my senses rather quickly, when I remind myself how very selfish it would be to my children and H, (not to mention the fear of hell and eternal separation from God--but that's a whole other topic). I always remember the saying, "wait till tomorrow--see how things are then", or something to that affect. Things usually are better the next day.

Bf'g=breastfeeding.

Oh and we are practically neighbors! I told you we had a ton of similarities--silly girl--you gotta listen to me!

Hope you have a great day!
~autumn

Bf'g - ohhhhh, daaaaaaa <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

way too similar... although i can't really say i have serious thoughts like that anymore, the closest i get is a mild thinking about thinking about it but like you said... too selfish of a thing to do!!! the me that thought so seriously about it 4yrs ago seems like a complete alien to me now. and that feels very GOOD!!

so now how about some similarities of positive things??? do you like to bike ride, roller skate or go to concerts by any chance?? i've actually been in 3 roller skating shows over the last few years. more on the silly side than serious, i was a tea cup in beauty and the beast and an extra, 50's dancing and doing the hand jive, in Grease, (yes on skates!) i've kinda slowed down on that activity as of late but hopefully sometime will get back into it. once in a while i think of posting my picture and the one with kids and me at our first skate show is my favorite picture!! of course that picture is now 3yrs old now though.

so are you close enough to have dinner with???

Yes, I love to bike ride. Many paths around here. In fact, a really good one, (I've never been on--can't get H interested--and don't want to do it alone), is around a lake that many of the wealthy Chicagoans like to visit. I'm tempted to just go out and buy a bike for my H. I think he'd get into it, if he tried. I know he loved it as a kid, and I know he loves the outdoors. His outdoor passions are shooting at, and catching things, though.

Ahhhh, roller-skating! I was at the roller rink every Tuesday and Saturday night from 6th-11th grade, till one fateful night when I tore ligaments in my knee while doing the Limbo--of all things!!! I had gotten to be a pretty good skater, if I must say, but not near as good as you. You sound like one of my friends. She was awesome, and it was because of her I started my interest in roller-skating. I never did get up to her speed. I've rollerbladed as an adult, but it hasn't come as naturally to me, as it has my kids. I think I still have the fear of hurting myself.

I'm not a big concert attender. I was, back in college, but not so much anymore. Nothing against it though, just don't know too many people who have the interest. Also, my H's taste in music differs quite abit to mine.

I think we live close enough to have dinner. Okay, so a little further than a bike ride or skate away, but definitely doable.

You sound in good spirits--I'm glad! It is an awesome autumn day, afterall <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ! Is this not the best September you remember in a long time?

~ad

i am in good spirits today and i am officially taking the day off from my worries (although not from work). i need today for me and so i have decided to claim it. i have my bike here at work and will go riding over the lunch hour. there are some nice trails that i have access to by crossing just one busy street. there are multiple trails including one that goes around a little lake. i put Indigo Girls, Rites of Passage on my CD and go. I generally stop riding when Chickenman is about to start (i don't like that song!!), that is about 30-40 min worth of riding. i started doing this about a week ago. yes the weather has been wonderful, that is why i am doing my best to enjoy it as much as possible.

i had a long stretch of no concerts but re-discovered the fun of them 4-5yrs ago. My son enjoys going with me so whenever possible he is my #1 date <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> my H has as of late decided to join me for some of them just because he knows i like concerts which has been VERY nice of him. He went to see Prince with me and as someone posted, any guy that is willing to see Prince with you is saying he really really loves you!! well unless the guy actually likes Prince cuz i do believe there are some that do, but H does not and i'm guessing neither did that poster. I like going to Ravinia too.

My daughter is not a concert goer, she is a avid reader and does not think music is anything worth while, if you are going to listen to something, why not a book on tape. but she did tell me that she would go to a concert if there was something good like the music from lord of the rings (she was being a wise guy) but then about 2 months later i found out about a sympony in chicago where they will be playing all the music from lord of the rings and immediately bought tickets. we've been waiting all summer, she is very excited, it is next friday. i told her, "see, all you have to do is tell mom what you want and tadaaa, you got it."

reminds me of one xmas season when i was grilling her for what she might want (she has always been tough to buy for, all she wants is BOOKS!!) she was maybe 7 or 8 and i said, come on, if you could have anything, what would it be?? so says, a dolphin. smart-alech!! but then i had brillant thought and went to brookfield zoo and adopted recently born dolphin in her name, wrapped up the certificate and picture of the dolphin along with a stuffed animal. H thought it was nuts, she would not like it at all. It was her favorite present. since then, every year she expects a box that contains a new sticker that shows how many years she has been Kalyee's adopted parent along with some dolphin trinket. my son tried saying he wanted something like that at first but then i made it clear, this would replace some other present (cuz it does cost $ to adopt the animal) so he changed his mind. then 3 yrs ago, he decided he wanted to adopt the new ape born there. so now he gets that every year <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> i took that as a sign that he is getting older and more mature!!!

ok, now i am just rambling, back to work for me.

well except for one thing, the next question... would you want to get together for diner sometime? i can appreciate it if you dont. it is perhaps a bit scary to take this board off the internet and into normal life. well at least for me maybe. which seems silly cuz this board has been life altering for the better and surrounding yourself with people that challange you to be your best is a good thing. tell me your thoughts.

Good for your daughter w/ the book reading, she sounds like a very bright young lady. It seems not many kids these days like to read. I've loved it since my adolescent years.

Prince huh? I have a dear friend who went to HS with him in Chanhassen, MN. I agree with the poster that said your H must really love you, to attend one of his concerts. Doesn't really strike me as being a big draw for men.

It is a bit scary to me as well, and I'm leery of meeting people from the board. For me though, it's more because of the secrecy of my situation, and that my H wants me to protect it. It seems the world has gotten to be an even smaller place with the internet. I'd definitely be willing to consider it though. It sure would be nice to have someone to talk to IRL who knows my story, and with whom I can relate to. And hey--I love going out to dinner!!! Why don't we start by emailing a bit, if you'd like? I recently posted an email addy for you, (I think on this thread).

Hope you had a good ride today, and that you're enjoying your "day off from worries". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

~ad

Hey Karen~

I just read another post of yours to RAP regarding emailing. Soooo, nevermind my suggestion. I totally understand. If it weren't for my kids "needing" the internet for school work and such, I'd be tempted to get rid of it altogether. I love this site and eBay too much anyway. Plus, I've been internet sober for 20 months now!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

We can talk here.

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