After all this crappola about him calling her 6 weeks ago things have been tense around here. I have had IBS for about 15 years now. I am on Lotronex it works great. No side effects or anything. I have had stomach aches twice this week, so I said to him gosh I have had IBS twice this week. First time in like 9 months. He looked at me and said it's all this stress, you need to calm down and let some of it go.

I said yeah I wish a few things would go my way. We talked about some of the financial things that are stressing us. A few minutes later he came into the den and hugged me really hard and said I am sorry you have IBS again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> .

I about fell over. First of all that is two sorry's in a week. He is never sorry about anything ever. Second, he acted as though he really cared. Six weeks ago he couldn't have cared less if I was on the bathroom floor dying in pain. Do you think the fog is finally lifting? Maybe the withdrawals are just now starting to get over <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ? Maybe that is why the phone calls got so distant in time and in consistency? Hmmmm. I am really wondering now. He sent the address change card in and all.

What do you think?

HINY

HINY, the only thing that matters is actions. You know the saying "the road to he77 is paved with good intentions".

There may be some fog lifting, but be carefull and do not allow things to change until he changes. I think my WW is at about the same place right now and I am scared as heck.

It takes a little time for some affairs to end. I game my H some space and made a timeframe in my mind of what I was willing to do. He got thru withdrawl, but I have a hunch that she contacts him from time to time just to say hi-4 years later. He becomes withdrawn from time to time and I wonder if that is what is happening or if this is just in my mind-which it may be, but I WILL NEVER LET MY GUARD DOWN AGAIN!!!

Yes, I think your H is coming around. He'd be a fool not to.

NJ

I think he is seeing some of what he would lose for the first time in a while. He really loves his DS and he knows that the type of R he would have with him would not be that good if they were apart. That is the type of R that he has with his father, and alot of his self esteem problems stem from this. His father really doesn't have anything to do with him but he does the other two boys. Mostly because when FWH's mother got divorced and remarried he kind of followed his stepfathers ways instead of his father's ways. I think this hurt his father terribly. I mean FWH went in the USMC like his stepfather and all.

I think his father saw this as a sign of betrayal and really hasn't had a decent relationship with H since he was little. He will drive 4 hours to come up here to hunt and never call H or see his grandson or anything. He is a selfish man. I see alot of his characteristics in H and it is scary. I wonder if I am wasting time with H because of this also. He is so me me, that I am afraid later down the road I will have lived a whole life all about him and never about me.

I do see him as different since the "call" six weeks ago. He acts different and so on. I think OW has a boyfriend now as there is a car at her apt over night. She might have told him to eat dust and not call again. Hence the removal of the phone number from his phone and all. That would be nice, except once again it is her ending the R instead of him. So where does that leave me? Always wondering if I am second in this relationship to her? So many feelings, nothing to do with them or about them. Talking to him will produce nothing but lies so he doesn't hurt my feelings.

HINY

It does not matter who dumps who, as long as there is no contact. Then his feelings for you can come back and grow.

So relax, and don't do anything right now. Time is on your side.

Believer,

I know you are right. Why can't I tell my mind that?

HINY

You can tell your mind that. Your mind just wants to go over and over the same old stuff. Now something different is happening. Have faith in the MB program.

It is like a vicious cycle isn't it? I am trying Believer. I am putting it in GOD's hands once again. It seems to be the only way I can through this anymore. If it weren't for him I don't know where I would be at this point. Well him and MB. Thanks.

HINY

believer,

I know you are right. I am giving it to God again. It helped before to take the stress off of me. I am going to take a break and let him do the work for a few days.

HINY

Hang in there-one day at a time

NJ,

I am doing much better now. FWH actually called me today out of the blue for nothing really at all. I guess just to say Hi. He held my hand last night also. And he stared into my eyes last night like he used to a long, long time ago.

Yesterday he called to let me know he was on his way home from his moms also. Maybe I just can't handle anymore stress and it every time I get some I can't deal with it? Geeesh! I think this whole affair business really sucks.

Taking it a day at a time, okay an hour at a time!


HINY

HINY

Go by his actions and run with it! I believe that FWS's go in and out of the fog because of confusion. Just like you have a hard time controlling what's going on in your head, they are the same. They can't help the confusion either. I know this is all so unfair to us, but it's life at the pit of an A.

If you feel he's coming out of the fog, do all you can to prove to him you are the best choice in his life.

I can feel for you with your FIL. Mine is a fruit cake and is the most me, me ,me man I know of. Always has been, that's why MIL divorced him.

Have you read the 5 Love Languages book? I highly recommend it, as do a lot of others on this site.

I believe my H is out of the fog and I work everyday to keep him out. It's a labor of love. I've blown him away with my actions and I have surprized him every step of the way of this awful process, he even admitted it.

Here's a hint from ole' m01069: When the chips were down for me I would always think of how there are so many other people out in this world with worse problems than I. 2 people died from cancer during this in my family and I saw their H's crying. There are people in this world with illnesses that they will never recover from. The illness of the A is recoverable. Live each day as it is your last treating the people you love as though you'll never see them again.

(That may have seemed a little deep, but it helps me) Especially my H carries 3 dangerous jobs. Fire Dept., Army Reserve (will be activated, just now sure when) and is a Train Engineer and he smokes like a chimney. I love him now everyday as though it's our last.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It is like a vicious cycle isn't it? I am trying Believer. I am putting it in GOD's hands once again. It seems to be the only way I can through this anymore. If it weren't for him I don't know where I would be at this point. Well him and MB. Thanks.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is there any other way to see it?

Keep the good work and let God do his job. And you go the MB part:). Patience is the key!

Just a little more, keep the faith!

M,
Thanks I know these A's are the pit. I was hoping we were further along than we were. I hate setbacks. I think I have a little more power than I thought I did before actually. She doesn't want him and so now he is really trying to stay with his family. Things may be turning around for us finally. I have thought this so many times it makes my head spin.

Matilde,

Trying to see it another way. But mostly letting God take it now. Or I might end up in the nuthouse myself. Thanks for your support.

HINY

It will be fine. It just stinks to be the BS because your relationship is damaged forever, but the relationship the WS has with you is better because you are tried and true. How great for them. We are stuck wondering when the other shoe will drop. No more innocense. Oh well-I still love him and will stay if he does.

I am beginning to understand a little bit more about the confusion WS goes through...one minute in the fog and next minute out...it is tiring...but HINY you have gone this long...just dust yourself up and keep going! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />