...we're in something akin 2 recovery, methinks!

I gotta run (seriously, sorry!), but I'll post details when I can...

2Long, you can't leave us hanging like that! Aaaaauuuuuuhhhh! I'm gonna go crazy!

What wonderful news! Please please share when you can.


slh

While we're waiting for 2Long, here's something.

I think it's best described as... a duet.

It's a little long. I think it's worth the read, though. Then again, well. I was there. I'm biased.

Okay, I still haven't finished stuff here at work and now it's time 2 go home, so I'm just going 2 paste and edit this from our iloveulove dot com private 4um (sorry about the 2lessness):

Well, guess what the ****** just happened!?

A while ago, I got a call from my sister handling the finances from my dad's estate. Some more buckeroos are ready for distribution, and she wanted me to call their financial advisor to let him know what I wanted to do regarding setting up an account for myself - whether I wanted to use him or my own adviser locally.

I went to lunch to cogitate, and decide whether to discuss it with my W. In the end, I decided to talk about it with my W.

And we had the most open, honest "feeling" conversation we've ever had since we were giggly teenagers (even though I didn't meet her until I was 21).

She said that it really made her think when I told her that I didn't think that RM getting married changed anything, and SHE said that "no, he cheated on xMrs Meat nearly their entire marriage". He didn't learn anything from HIS experiences, so why would him getting married now make me feel "safer" in any way?

Which transitioned to subjects like conflict avoidance, exposure, and even confronting or suing RM for alienation of affection.

The point is that my problem isn't RM. It's my W. It's my relationship with my wife, and whether I want to continue to have one with her or no. This also came out of my W's mouth first.

There were a whole lot more things discussed, all "textbook", even ulove-related, actually.

The most important thing she said to me of all of it, though, was "I appreciated you being honest with me about how you felt." meaning about the news of RM's marriage plans. I told her how hard it has been for me to get beyond conflict avoidance, and let go with love, and how hard it is knowing that recovery will likely take a couple years once contact has truly stopped, and it's already been almost 4 years since d-day for me. And she said "I appreciate you've stuck by me through all this."

So, I think this is the start of true recovery, FINALLY! Whether we choose to stay together or divorce is not even on the radar screen right now. I really don't know what I want to do at this point. I'm happy that we've made this breakthrough, but I also feel a sense of "completeness" to our relationship - kind of like something SC had said a while ago about his marriage ending.

I truthfully don't think we'll divorce, but I'm not worried about it either. I'll keep open to what the "right thing" reveals itself, in due time, to be.

wow.

-Qfwfq

Yes JJ, that is long, in fact it is a weekend read. I started but seriously it's a Saturday morning read, and I do look forward to it this weekend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

2long,

Your perserverance and patience in all of this is a tribute to the man you are. Glad things are looking really good for you both.

For you and Mrs. 2long -

"But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself,

Love possesses not, nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love."

~Kahlil Gibran - The Prophet

Love is not for cowards 2long, and you are by far not a coward!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey 2Long.... I'm really, really glad for you. Remember it's a hard road. Gotta look at the overall slope of the graph, not the immediate ups and downs.

Folks:

Not that anyone's been counting, but yes2rday was just 5 days shy of 44 months since d-day.

I wouldn't have believed I'd be doing anything but drooling in a padded cell by now if you'd told me I'd still be at this for this long, but here I am... (I still drool from time 2 time, but I've done that most of my live, so it's probably unrelated).

2day will be a good day.

-ol' 2long

>or History or Sci-Fi or something on the TV sleep timer for background noise.

Are you certain we're not twinkies seperated at birth or something?

2LONG-

OMG! OMG!!!!! I'm so freaking excited 4 ya!

- Kimmy

Best wishes for you and your f?ww, 2long. As JJ pointed out the road to recovery is full of bumps so be sure to wear your helmet. {{2long}}

Kimmy, this twinkie is trying to get H to look into some jobs I found for him in your area so we can move there or to Austin. It'd be so cool to have a friend like you do spend time with!

For those stb- or just plain- singles who may be interested, I found a funny article detailing the best and worst cities for dating. Their criteria was a little skewed but from what I've heard from single friends, its pretty darn accurate.

And re: the article (and Austin, TX being #1 for best places), I always did want to move to Austin, but not for the hotties, lol. There's just so much to do and see: comfortable summer temps for outdoor activities (that aren't in the 100s 40 days out of the year), arts & theatre, and that famous music!

As for you, 2Long, no need to even look at that article. Oh, how I am rejoicing with you!


slh

I'm surprised Mpls. is a loser, though many people here do share a terrible trait - they can't make conversation.

Even heard Garrison Keillor joke about it a few weeks back on his show.

Today... planted some shrubs, finished taking shellac and mastic off my floors. Still a million things to do before the refi.

First night in recent history when I've been home and not working 'til midnight on this house. It really ought to be more impressive than it is by now. Coming along though.

GC

GC,

Projects always look shabby to those who embark upon them....tis the nature of the beast. I'm sure to objective eye it looks fantastic. I hope you get to keep your house....retaining that piece of stability is important when the rest of your world has been torn apart. Even the folks in New Orleans want to return "home" to what is now a basement full of sewage and flotsam.

Hi all,

It has been crazy around here, work wise etc. I have missed you all.

I am glad to hear your news 2long. It sounds like you have gotten to a place where you can relate to one another as friends, rather than adversaries. A good place to start.

That is my hope for all of us.

Weaver, I love the Gibran passage.

Speaking of drooling, here is a look at the past 24 hours in my world:

At teh end of my rope, I asked H if he is still in contact with ow (yes) and told him that I can't just 'get over it'. That even when things are good between us I have constant triggers (this upset him)and told him that maybe we are way too messed up to recover and that he should just move to the city and live with ow; that we can be friends and he can help out with DD when he wants and I will call him only if I really need him , but that maybe we should just scrap it. ( we had been working on me and DD moving back to the house soon. Conditional on no contact with ow, and a bonfire for the furniture. )

I said that I also understand now that according to his rules, if we were not actually living together he considered himself free to be with other women...( I guess I didn't get the memo) and I implied that I guessed this rule works both ways.

(reverse babble thankyou Orchid)

(this was enforced by me letting him 'catch me' coming home from a mysterious place dressed up very sexy one night a week ago. He called here until 4 am, very nervous)

Whereupon he promtly stated that he wants to be married to me and that he is willing to work things out.

He drove over here bearing Kraft dinner ( my personal comfort food and the antidote for all the rich Austrian food I have been consuming lately) told me that he is sorry for ruining my life and hurting me, and spent the night holding me so tight I couldn't breathe.



The rest of my day was a blur - talking to a distraught guest this am who was driving to her 3 year old sons funeral ( anurysm); driving to town to pick up the food bank stuff and packing hampers;
organising the motel as a clearing house for Katrina donations, cleaning rooms, and fending off a male guest who apparently was hoping that I was part of the room service...

I need sleep.

The best place to start I think.

Shul,

I think you should move back to your house if you want to live there, regardless of what WH does, if you can have a stable life there with your D. Along the lines of what Binder said, you need a home for yourself too. I realize that the motel can be a home for you if it feels like it to you, but it seems like you and especially DD needs a home of your own.

Thanks for the update, like Gray I was wondering how you were doing too.

Thinking of you, Shul. Hope he continues to get his head out of his [censored]. I agree with Weaver that you and DD need a home but you DON'T have to tolerate continued C. {{Shul}}

GC - How was your gig?

SLH - I met DH in Austin. I LOVE AUSTIN. It stinks on toast for property prices, tho. Tons of stuff to do that's free on the flip side!

- Kimmy

An okay gig. I got there very early and talked to the bartender a bit. Then a woman I know appeared unexpectedly, and we chatted until the rest of the band showed up.

We played pretty well, though it was a sloppy gig. Toward the end I broke a string and without a backup guitar on hand, I quick went to change the string. The bass player got the brilliant idea that they should play one of our songs while I worked, and just skip the singing so they could stop whenever.

God, what a train wreck. Apparently our singer only knows how her songs go if she's singing them. That's just pathetic and hack-like. I've told her a million times, you can't banter, so figure out something musical to do if I have to mess around for a minute, changing guitars or whatever. I've made suggestions, all ignored. I found a song for her to play that's about two minutes long, that would be easy to do and very pretty. She of course never bothered because playing music and learning songs is not her idea of fun. Makes you wonder why she's in a band, doesn't it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Most of us stayed 'til close (2:00). I went to McDonalds (!) on the way home. By then I'd been awake for over 40 hours, so my soul had long ago left my body, and just floated above it. Slept until noon yesterday.

GC

>Slept until noon yesterday.


Only in my wildest dreams.....you know, if I COULD sleep till noon, I don't think my inner clock would let me...no matter how much sleep I'd lost.

You're miffed at your singer....but it sounds like you have a pretty cool band....I wish ya'll would play Austin....I know a house you could hole up in for SxSW.

Shul-baby, I'm hesitant, but this could be very good news. Gosh, I pray so.

Gray, MN came out on top in some other categories. Here's a full list of their Best and Worst Cities.

Kimmy, if we ever moved to Austin it would be waaaaaayy out in the boonies somewhere, hopefully with property for my pony. Golly, I've had enough of ridiculously high house payments for an old, crumbly house, just to live in a particular locale. I wouldn't particularly mind the drive into Austin for all those freebie activities.

....I wish ya'll would play Austin....I know a house you could hole up in for SxSW.

OOoooh, wouldn't that be incredible? There've been a lot of great bands "discovered" in Austin. Not to mention that all of the awesome jazz and blues Greats from New Orleans have purportedly relocated there . . .

My clock wouldn't let me sleep til noon either, Kimmy, no matter how tired I am. Pesky brain auto-alarm!


slh

SLH - do you watch Tripping the Rift?

SLH - do you watch Tripping the Rift?

Well, YEAH! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> . . . but I missed it last night -- just caught some of Ghost Hunters, instead. Why? Was it good?

Gotta love Chode! And is it true that Six is Carmen Electra???