Hmm where to start...

Well, H and I were sitting and talking about where we have been in our M, the mistakes we have made, and what it has taken for us to heal. I had an EA over 2 years ago. He was (and will tell you) just awful to me the 18 years of M before that. We both wish our lives would have not taken the turns it did. BUT, we are so happy right now where we are! We have a stronger love, and M than we have ever had in the 20 years of M.

Even though my ea was 2 years ago, contact once in awhile to "check-in" on each other still went on for about a year or so after. I would post and read and be hit with 2x4's saying NO CONTACT at all. I realize now (wish I did then) that truly you can have NONE!

I would read about people who still thought of the OP, but were truly happy in their M. I thought yeah right, how could you. Well, I do think of OM once in awhile, but it is different, it isn't this wonderful romantic thing. I can't totally explain it, or when it changed, but it did. Now, I smile at thoughts of my H, and he and I talk more now than we EVER have!!

I still feel bad for OM and his family. (He ended up D) But, I feel more good for my family than bad for his. It could have easily been H and I Divorced and he together. After DD we both (OM&I) wanted our M to work. He was with his W for a year while I was separated. I still have a bit of guilt there, but with time it gets easier.

I would read of WW or WH saying they were "in love" again with their spouse. I thought yeah right, how does that happen. Well, it happens with lots of work and commitment to the M. I truly am more in love with my H now then in our entire M...

We saw Dr. Phil yesterday and there were H's on who were criticle, mean, and put down their wives. My H looked at me and said he was sorry that he was ever that way for me. But, ya know it is o.k. because he is not that person anymore. I love the person he is. He still gets sad and withdrawls if talk of my EA comes up, but with time I hope that fades for him also. We can't change the past, we can only learn from it and not make the same mistakes again.

Although I didn't post a ton on this board, I have read alot and want to thank everyone who shares, because whether you realize it or not even someone who is just reading might be helped..

SoHard...

Thanks for this post. My BS/WW is lurking here somewhere, perhaps (she signed up yesterday as TheWifeOfVnusMars), and I want her to read this too.

I'm only 3 months from D-Day, 6 weeks into Plan A, and 1 day past a 2nd "D-Day"...and I want my W back so badly...

So to hear you say the words TWO YEARS (a time length even my BS/WW has used on me as the time it will take me to fix my issues and for her to heal) is crushing, it seems like too long, like so much could happen and I really will lose her for good no matter how much I heal...

But then...
If it does take 2 years, that's a small price to pay for how long I lied & cheated...a small price to pay for my true love and soulmate...and a small price to pay for the chance I can get 60 more years with her still.

sohard -

Thank you for posting your story. We all need to see that it really CAN be worth the effort!

I'm very happy for you and your husband. Best wishes for a lifetime of happiness <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

thanks for sharing.

Thanks SH for your posting. Your post is the right info at the right time. WH and I are in recovery, but I am still very protected and really have not let myself open up to him. As a result, I don't really feel love for him and sometimes I wonder if I ever will again.

I hope he defogs and would not fondly recall his time with OW...but I think he will see her thru rose colored glasses.

It has been six months past D-day, contact continued until about a month ago so I will stay in my safe, protected place until it is okay to come out and love H again. Thanks for letting me know it is possible.

Blessings to you and your H.

Thanks...as a BH...I can pray we find the happiness in our marriage....you are truly blessed. Thanks for sharing.

Sohard it is heartwarming to see an example of this. Myself and I am sure all other earnest marriagebuilders PRAY for that to happen in our own lives.

Examples like yours make the hope seem more real and not so impossible.

KY told me a wile back that romantic love for a hard plan A'ing BS returns in chunks to begin with. I have recognised this with my FWW. She is loving ,then distant, then loving then distant. But we are only a month since last contact so its early days.

I pray for a day that I can post like yours that our MUTUAL love and passion has returned for each other !

All blessings SH...

Thanks for the inspirational post.

It helped pick my chin up for another day.

SoHard, Needed that right now. Have lost most hope and drive to reconcile. I just feel continuosly beaten down.

I still want to believe though, if not for my own M, then for all of the others out there that are endeavoring to do the right thing ... for better or for worse.

TJ

It truly can happen..

It isn't easy and there is a roller coaster to ride for awhile..

There is always hope.. Our D was to be final last Dec., and we reconciled (or I went to him with my doubts) Oct. 30. It has now been a year this Oct. since we reconciled. It has not been easy, lots of MC and IC. Lots of old bad habbits to break. There were many times we both wondered if it was even worth it. I remember picking out cards for holidays and thinking I just don't feel any of this mushy stuff. Now, I have trouble finding the best mushy card I can to express how I feel. My H NEVER gave up on us. When I had, he continued to hope, pray, and work on change.

Another thing that helped us was we were always civil to each other thru the whole D proceedings, keeping the kids first and remaining as friendly as possible to each other. I think that is when we learned to be friends again.

Anyway this is getting long, but just wanted to say to never give up. There truly is hope.