Absolutely terrible..... but I do not think it would be any worse than if the truth had come from her. I think the fact that the WS did not confess would be the least of the betrayals at that moment and would not make a huge difference. I admit that it would be different if this had been a long term affair with real feelings involved, but in this situation I would not want to know.

Sunstar,

I was the "victim" of my DH's one night stand while drunk. He waited about 3-4 weeks to tell me. He couldn't handle the guilt any longer. He was the man I thought would NEVER cheat on me. EVER. But he slipped. And he told me about it.

I'll tell you, things have never been BETTER between us since. It's still hard to think about, but we're so much more open now. I am more available to hearing what HIS needs are.

Please find a way to tell your H.

C

Hi Sunstar,

Just to give you yet another perspective from someone who was the betrayed spouse.

I figured out my W's affair rather quickly (within a month of it starting). I have to tell you that I can't really put my finger on what actually made me suspicious other than I just had a feeling that something was going on by the way she looked at me and was acting towards me. I had been with this woman since I was 19 so I definitely knew her well, and picked up on unusal behaviour right away.

Don't assume you can hide the affair from him. Maybe some W are sneakier than mine, and some H not as observant as me but is that a risk you are willing to take?

Just to let you know how it turned out. My W and I are now currently going through a divorce. Hypothetically I think if my W had handled things differently the results MAY have turned out differently if :
1. If she had told me about the affair immediately when it happened
2. Had admitted it was wrong and a mistake and that our marriage needed help
3. Had committed to work on saving our marriage
4. Had admitted she still loved me

None of those four things happened with me so I made the only choice I thought I had. I told her she could not date other people in our marriage and that she would have to leave the house. She didn't really want to but I made her (I'm not sure how exactly she saw the future unfolding?!?)

We are now dealing with lawyers and property division instead of marriage counsellors. And the big losers in this are our three beautiful children (4, 9, 11) which I have custody of full time.

Just something to think about... I believe in marriage but it there has to be two to make it work!