I just got a letter from my STBX stating that he is no longer going to pay any bills exept the house payment. He didn't pay the electricity bill, my car payment, HOA fees and a few others. He let our electricity fall behind and now he's telling me that it will be cut off Nov. 11.
He went on to tell me that if the power is cut off that it will be unsafe for our son and he will have tolive with him. I know he's doing all of this to get our son to live with him. He won't let me move out of state either.
I don't know what to do. He's trying to take my son away from me and I did nothing!!!!!!!!!
I don't understand this!
He's turned into a monster.
I'm going to call the legal aid office and see if they can help me.
Any advice? I live in Florida.
I'm extremely upset right now!!!!!!

Tree -

Check into legal aid, or with you courthouse. Here in California, they have advocates at the courthouse to help you file seperation papers and get support.

You may also be able to get welfare until you get this straightened out.

Thanks believer..
I am going to see legal aid. I just can't believe he would do this to get his son. I wish someone was here to give me a hug right now. I can't stop crying. I'll write later...

Yes...

TreeReich, take a deep breath right now and breathe. Another one, slowly:

1-2-3 in
hold it 1-2-3
1-2-3 out


Okay, now I suggest that you call the electric company and get the bill to the house in your name. Explain to them a little bit of what's going on (he moved out XYZ date, you are the occupant, past bill is his responsibility and as of today it's yours). That way, he can not pull this kind of trick. Furthermore, switch phone bill and other bills too. If you want, get a new phone number and new phone company!

My point here is that he is trying to get a reaction out of you. He is purposely making the effort to scare you and make you frantic. So throw it back at him. Be self-confident and self-sufficient. Take care of yourself YOURSELF, and then he can't pull these childish tricks on you.

BTW, if you were a SAHM and expecting his alimony and child support to keep you a SAHM, you may need to accept the fact that is unlikely unless he's quite, quite wealthy. Chances are good you will need to financially contribute and support yourself with his alimony and CS being a good chunk of assistance. But from this point forward, YOU are responsible for you and your son.

So anyway, if you put the bills from this day forward in YOUR name (and with a password) then he will not be able to scare you or "force you." If you become more and more self-sufficient, then he will not be able to play the childish money games. He will not be in control of you, and this will most likely make him angry, but that's okay. You just keep being in control of yourself and your son, and let him be angry.

Okay?? Feel better?? Maybe take a few more deep breaths. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


CJ

Tree - Your husband is not in his right mind now. He is acting very badly. Try not to take it personally (((((((((((((TR))))))))))))))).

However, be proactive and look for help now. Or you might be able to move home now, since there will be no power for your son. Check with legal aid, welfare, and woman's groups.

hi TreeReich,

here is a big hug for you,

as big as you need,

take all you want.

ok?

done yet?

are you sure??

ok, if you are done hugging now i am going to do something else a bit harsher...

STOP CRYING!!!! that will NOT help you right now. i must admit, i have not followed your story closely but your sig shows you have not even been served any papers, what your H is doing MUST be illegal, he is abondoning you and your son by not paying the bills. i know on some level crying seems like it helps you, but its NOT. stop crying and start FIGHTING. find out your rights and get help.

notice he is paying the house payment, why? cuz he does not want the house to be foreclosed, that would impact him as that house, whether he is living in it or not is still his asset.

i don't know why your H is acting as he is but the facts are, you have been married for almost 15 yrs and you have an 8yr son together, he can't just abandon you like this!! ok, i have to admit, i don't know the legal stuff in FL or in my own state, but it just does not seem right.

have you been getting any legal type of help? if not, GET SOME!!!!

<small>[ October 25, 2004, 10:23 AM: Message edited by: FinallyLearning ]</small>

{{{{{{TreeReich}}}}}}, FL is right, Stop Crying!. At least long enough to do what you need to do for you and your son. I'll cry for you because this is one of the saddest, sickest displays of a WS I have seen.

Can your parents help you during this time? Please don't be afraid to ask for help. I know you will pay everyone back 10fold, especially with your gratitide. Honey, I will be praying for you big time. And I'll be praying that your WS gets some balls, and starts acting like a man, not a childish jerk. Sorry, I couldn't help it! CV

(((((Tree)))))

First off, I don't know what your financial situation is, and I don't remember if you work. So I don't know what kind of spousal support, etc., is warranted here.

But there are a couple of important things... your H can't take your child away from you by not paying your electric bill. So don't get too upset. He's not going to demonstrate you're a bad parent by doing this.

Determine that you cannot control him, and that you can only expect the worst from him.

I don't recall whether you'd decided on a lawyer, but you need to get one retained just as soon as you can.

Be calm. The world is not going to come crashing down on you. Your H is just trying to intimidate you with these antics. See them for what they are - a half-baked attempt to control the situation.

GC

Thank you for all the responses and advice.
I've managed to get control of myself. Not crying!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I have been to a lawyer and it is going to cost me a fortune. I am working part time right now and also doing side jobs so that me and my son can eat and live.
My WH did mention that if the house goes into forclosure that he can't help it. I don't understand why he is doing this. It's his credit too. He just doesn't seem to care at all!!!!

I wanted so badly to move near my family. I will struggle if I have to move into an apartment and pay all the bills. I know I can manage it but it will be hard.

I'm going to see leagal aid next week. In Florida if he's payng the house payment it's not considered abandonment. If he stops then I can get him!!!!!

Thanks for all the prayers and hugs...I need them all!

Tree,

Ok...I"m with the "STOP CRYING" people.

AND, I am going to ask you what are YOU doing to give financial security to your son? I have not seen you mention having a job? If you don't have one, why not? Why aren't you looking for one? Your son is in school...you can work while he is at school. Schools have after programs where he can stay, and you won't have to worry about daycare.

Since you are not going to be able to move closer to your family, you are going to HAVE to get a job. You don't have the luxury of staying home any longer...and yes I realize "you didn't do anything wrong to warrant having to change things"...but that's the breaks.

So many of your previous posts include that little phrase...

"I did nothing wrong and now I have to be away from my son"...

" It's just so unfair that I did nothing wrong but yet I have to pay for his sins"...

IMHO, this kind of thinking keeps you in victim mode...and not becoming active in doing something to change your life for the good.

Again...STOP the wailing and crying...because your son is not kept warm or fed with the tears.

JMHO
committed

I agree with FL..abandonment was exactly what I first thought of when I read your post.

Play this card in an aggressive stance..not a defensive one. Perhaps your H will be stupid enough to put something in writing re: his refusal to care for his child and maintain his household [you are not divorced yet..nor even legally separated correct? It is yet his household to maintain.]

Push back TR..time to take aim with your real weapon and draw apon any resources you can. Tell your family that you need them to circle the wagons and dignity be DAMNED. Tell them you need money and legal counsel pronto..real legal counsel..not some pro bono clerk with no experience in vicious divorces and custody battles.

I would also make certain to use this refusal to maintain as a very good arguament for your return to your home state.

--Noodle

TR your WH needs a fricking good kicking IMO...sorry that not helpful or PC. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Tell me why you can't go home to your folks again ??

Tree , so sorry to here your WS refusal to act like a MAN ! I do not know if I can offer any advice that wasn't already given ... And if in the next comment this upsets your thread I am sorry in advance ....

I would like to comment that ,,, the BS is a victom ... someone who did nothing and received cruel treatment ...

Also being a SAHM is not a LUXURY it is a sacrife.

I understand that when things happen we need to do what we can to survive and help not only ourselves but our children ...

And most here do ,, they adjust to a different way of life ,, BUCAUSE of someone elses action ....

But I think nothing of it being wrong to say ...

TREE did not deserve this and she is paying a price do some elses childish behavior ..

DOES it do any go to feel that way or to say ...

Well yes because its true .

TREE my prays are with you and your family ...

YOU will over come this and you ARE THE BETTER PERSON !

That may not mean much now but when your son is older and knows and rembers he will see you for what you are a moral , strong , confident loving women ...

3

Tree- I haven't read through all of the replies, so sorry if this is a duplicate.

Most states legally require spouses to SUPPORT each other during their marriage. Your husband is REQUIRED to support you- and he is not doing it. Talk to your attny- ASAP.

Also being a SAHM is not a LUXURY it is a sacrife.

I have to disagree. It IS a luxury. Lots of times it takes a dual income to support a household. So, if a dual income isn't needed...it IS a luxury to be able to stay home.

Now, what exactly is the sacrifice? I would have considered HAVING to work causing me to sacrifice my children's best interests. I firmly believed it was in their best interest for me to be a SAHM...and because we were financially secure I had that "luxury".

I am sure that others might think your comment is correct and mine might be the minority. Difference in opinions make it a great world. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

committed

TR,

I have read your previous posts but don't recall why it is you cannot take your son out of state...did the attorney you consulted tell you this? As I see it, there are no legal proceedings pending right now, why can't you? I could understand if one of you had filed - then the court would have jurisdiction but, until then...

Are you near any universities with law schools? The law school I went to had Legal Clinics in which the law students do all the work and an attorney who heads up the Clinic reviews the filings and makes all the court appearances. Maybe a law school near you might have something similar?

Also, if your WH refuses to pay the electric bill and the electricity gets shut off, the judge is NOT going look very favorably on his antics and will question his judgment and whether HE should have custody - HE is the one putting his son in jeopardy.

Regards,

Brit's Brat/BS-43
XH/45
DS/3
Status: D-Day 5/02, divorce final 5/04 after fighting furiously to save my marriage for 2 years.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have read your previous posts but don't recall why it is you cannot take your son out of state...did the attorney you consulted tell you this? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Brit's,

Here is the link for that post.

Lawyer Appt

I mentioned that I didn't think there was anything to stop her because no one has filed anything. He could take action after she left...but there is no order on file to prevent it.

committed

Thanks for the advice!!

Yes, I do work part time right now. Right now it is difficult for me to work full time due to some other circumstances. I am also under workers comp and need surgery for a pinched ulner nerve...long story!!!

Anyway...I do have an apt with the legal aid office in my county to see what can be done immidiately. I have asked my parents for support in this whole thing and they are willing to do whatever it takes to help me. I can't leave the state because if I do and he files then they will force me to come back...where will I live??? It's all a big mess.
Florida really sucks when it comes to divorce.

commitedandlovingit....I do understand what you are saying...believe me.....but I am the victim. I don't go around acting like that to him but when I write on here I feel that I can share my feelings and it helps me. I'm actually a very strong woman and will be ok. I just need support just like everyone else on this board. Why would we all be here if we didn't? Don't get me wrong...I do apprectiate your advice..really!! I'm just going through a really hard time and need a place to express my feelings.

I'm a lurker here and have been following your story and my heart goes out to you and your son. Have you looked into the possibity of moving home and filing for divorce before your WH does? Of course, you would have to do this quickly and have papers filed before he knew you were gone, but is this possible? My prayers are with you and your son.

Thank you ginger86!
I have to file here and then I can't leave until everything is settled. I wish I could just pick up and leave. I am hoping that legal aid can help me out. If not...then I will have to get help from my family. My family and friends have been wonderful and I will never be able to repay them. I am extremely greatful for all of them!