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Joined: Jul 2000
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It has been a while since I last posted. Some of you might still remember me. My situation has not changed much. It is almost like we are frozen in time. It gets to the point where we live like a roommate (no surprise there to my old friends who know my situation). We are just there to take care of our children. One good thing is that I end up spending more time with the kids than before because my FWW is busy with school. But, that is not unusual. I have been doing that for years.

Back to my title, I have been talking to this person on and off for a few months. Sometimes we talked on the phone and sometimes we talked in person. When I talked to her it made me feel good that day. If week went by, I missed her. She felt the same. Oh no! I might have committed an EA. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

What do I do? Every time I get home, there is nothing there between me and my FWW. Until several months ago, at least we talked to each other here and there. Now there is none to talk about. Forget about intimacy, there is none in that department either (her choice) and it has been a very very long time (almost 5 years).

Thank you for reading this.

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OO,

Take the energy that you are putting into this new relationship....a very dangerous one BTW....and redirect it into a REAL recovery plan for you marriage. Re-establishing a state of intimacy BEGINS with at least three things: Know how you hurt your spouse and change that behavior, Make a decent effort to meet their needs, and start spending 15 hours a week of undivided attention with your spouse.

Good Luck!

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Hmmmm. Very tempting, huh?

You know the answer.

Is this woman also married?

Like me in my (former) marriage, you have been ripe for an affair for years. Just don't do it.

Until you take steps to end your marriage, you have to wait. Period.

Now, here's an opportunity for you that you CAN take advantage of: JL is coming to town and we're meeting up with JustJ on Nov. 1. You can join us for that "special" admonishment. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WAT

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Absolutely! A spanking, just like in Monty Python and the Holy Grai--

Err. Right.

OffOnOnoff, you know what you need to do. Time to get real with your wife. Have you thought about sitting down and talking to her about your feelings for this other woman, and about how you're coming to realize that it may not be a good idea to continue to spend time with her or see her?

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O4:

I read your post and felt I had to reply. Continuing contact with this other woman is more than "very dangerous" (as star*fish said).

What do you do? I think you know the answer. RUN. No contact. The longer you continue to see and talk to this other woman the harder it will be to pull back. You will add complications which you do not need. I know, I'm there now. I wish I had found this site a few months ago.

gma

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OOOO,

Wow, haven't heard from you in like ...... 4ever!

As your MB buddy, I feel it is my duty to call the MB fairie out to whack you with the toughest 2x4 available.

Now you came here to let us know and we see this as a call for help. The position your FWW has put you in is her responsibility also. We are here to help you in our MB way as much as we can.... I know you know that.

Now can you get with Steve @ MB for some guidance? The situation you are now in is dangerous. Ripe for an A is just like what WAT said.

You don't have to go down that road. Hold on tight to this site. ok?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Your MB sis,
L.

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star*fish

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Take the energy that you are putting into this new relationship....a very dangerous one BTW....and redirect it into a REAL recovery plan for you marriage.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep! Very dangerous one indeed….I’m not so sure any more if there will ever be a REAL recovery for my marriage. It was dead a long time ago, way way back even before her affair. We are emotionally divorced. Physically, I can’t even touch her. I’m not talking about hugging her or kissing her here. I’m talking about literally even padding her on the back, she is annoying by it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Re-establishing a state of intimacy BEGINS with at least three things: Know how you hurt your spouse and change that behavior,</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Been there, done that. Nothing works.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Make a decent effort to meet their needs,</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">More than meet the eyes. Been there, done that. Her needs right now are to leave her alone. She kept saying that from the past 5 years. Yes, I DID leave her alone for more than a few years. It got us nowhere. According to her, she’s got everything she needed. She is happy with the way it is. That is to be here together (even as roommate) raising our kids. If I don’t like it, too bad, just learn how to live with it. That’s what she said or how she saw it.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and start spending 15 hours a week of undivided attention with your spouse.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Too busy with her school. There is no time for anything else, except her side of family and unless I can’t make it home from work to take kids around, she would unwillingly do it. When it comes to me, even to just sit down and watch TV together, that’s a waste of her time.

worthatry
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmmm. Very tempting, huh?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know the answer.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is this woman also married?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep!
What if she is married, would that be a very dangerous one? Yes, indeed.
What if she is married and separated, would that change the equation?
What if she is married and 30 years old, would that change the equation?
What if she is married and 70 years old, would that change the equation?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Like me in my (former) marriage, you have been ripe for an affair for years. Just don't do it.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nike doesn’t work here huh! “Just do it” is forbidden I guess.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Until you take steps to end your marriage, you have to wait. Period.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know. Working on ending it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now, here's an opportunity for you that you CAN take advantage of: JL is coming to town and we're meeting up with JustJ on Nov. 1. You can join us for that "special" admonishment.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you, but No. Just because…..Sorry.


Just J

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OffOnOnoff, you know what you need to do. Time to get real with your wife. Have you thought about sitting down and talking to her about your feelings for this other woman, and about how you're coming to realize that it may not be a good idea to continue to spend time with her or see her?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Done that. But not about this woman. Just a couple years ago, when I took dance lessons and ended up with talking to many women in the class and mentioned that to my wife. She said that’s good so that I wouldn’t have a need to talk to her or bother her.


gma

Thank you for dropping by.

I’m sorry to see you end up here. You did the right thing.

Orchid

Sister, sister, sister….

I’m sorry it took me 4ever to get here.
Yes! I need that 2x4. I don’t think it is big enough though. I NEED a BIG one before it is too late. Is it? Maybe….
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You don't have to go down that road.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know. I know.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hold on tight to this site. ok?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It’s getting slippery.

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by OffOnOnOff:
<strong> Orchid

Sister, sister, sister….

I’m sorry it took me 4ever to get here.
Yes! I need that 2x4. I don’t think it is big enough though. I NEED a BIG one before it is too late. Is it? Maybe….
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You don't have to go down that road.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know. I know.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hold on tight to this site. ok?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It’s getting slippery. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OOOO,

It isn't too late. Not for you. The one who is running out of time is the WS. The BS has time on their side and calling an end to the wait is something within your power.

Remember you want t/b married to the woman you fell in love with not the one she has morphed into. In time you will finally get to the angry stage at the WS (but not your W). There is a difference. When you can differentiate between the 2, you can move forward easier. I know I did. I even asked the WS to go and find my H. I told him that if there was someone else that could locate my real H, I would have asked anyone else but the WS. However, I was stuck and had to break through my pride and ask the WS for this favor. You should have seen his face. One side showed he was happy I asked for his help (WS think they are indispensible) and the other side had an inkling what saying yes meant. Not as much as I did though.

Reaching that point in my life took time. I was glad I did. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hang there buddy..... we are here for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

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Kicking this one uuuuppp from 2 days ago! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Howa do in, OOOO?

L.


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