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#1214066 03/12/05 01:03 AM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> am saying that she is an over aged adolescent that has been programmed for her entire adult life, to believe that all the good things in life are hers by entitlement! And for this situation GG, you already know I don’t place the blame on her! I instead place it on you! I would even go so far as to say that you’ve paved your wife’s road to Hell (figuratively speaking of course) with your over abundance of love and good intentions!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I just think that this is an unfair, inaccurate characterization of the Faux Princess! A woman such as this could not have assisted in the rearing of those wonderful sons. Are we to think that Georgia helped to mold them on his own? I don't get the sense that the boys have felt unloved and uncared for. She was definitely giving to them and has that capacity. Without going into much detail, I have such a narcissistic mother and what COACH has described is my mother not the FAUX PRINCESS!!

Georgia, do you really see her this way? You said that she was a wonderful wife and mother prior to her first A? Are you rewriting history yourself in order to try to account for her current behavior? Have we forgotten about the influence of factors such as MLC, the BIG M, EMPTY NEST SYNDROME and her MEDICAL CONDITION? I know that she is the WW and there is reason to be angry with her. However, do we have to be so insensitive to what may be going on with her. Can we not call her SPOILED BRAT? It's bothering me. It seems too insulting....


Furthermore, Georgia, on the other hand, I don't like you taking the BLAME for her A. You know better than that. I won't even expound on my issues with that no more than to say that she needs to be held responsible for her own behavior. Their is no excuse for her continued involvement in this A. The blame is on her.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Divorce is not reality to her! Because she believes; no, she knows, (deep in her heart), that in the end, married or not, you will come to your senses and be there to do for her what she requires you to do! Why? Because that is your role!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is so interesting to me! Coach you could be describing me as you describe GEORGIA'S wife. This is what I thought about my FWH and he did come back to his senses to do what he what he is supposed do? I'm sorry. I think what Georgia was doing was the normal and expected role of an attentive, loving H. My grandparents were married for 71 years and until my grandmother was taken to a nursing home my GF treated her like a queen. He died of a brokenheart when she left because he felt he failed at being able to take care of her because he could no longer keep her at home. He cooked and cleaned and rubbed her feet, etc. until they were up in their 80s. I don't believe I ever heard him say NO to her in my ifetime. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I tried to find a H like him. I did.

I don't believe that Georgia's situation is different than any others here. His wife is addicted to the OM and is guilty of infidelity. He had a wonderful marriage and a wonderful relationship with his W. They produced two beautiful sons. There were needs that were not being met by GEORGIA. She got involved in an A. Period.

Where is there indication that she came into the marriage with anymore selfishness than any of us are guilty of? I am missing information about that history.

I agree with her need to feel pain and to hit her bottom like any other addicted WS. No car, no house, no extra funds....

This is kind of hurting my feelings. I have only been posting to GEORGIA to try to help him. I don't have any stake in being right about anything. I've just been trying to share my POV. I certainly am not angry when I say my heart is beating. I am sad about this whole mess. I hate to see marriages breakup especially marriages like Mr. and Mrs. Georgia's. I feel so much for their children because like I said before my parents' divorced when I was an adult and that was very painful for me. They had been married forever and I thought they were the perfect couple. It's hard for me to stick around here and recall all these issues. I told Georgia that I would stick around for him and I will.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now as to what to do. What I was saying in my previous post is that by concentrating on the infidelity issue, all that you’re dealing with is a symptom of the problem and not the root of what the problem really is. The problem is behavioral not marital! Her infidelity is simply a symptom of a larger issue. It just so happens that the infidelity is the one issue that has finally caused you GG, to stand up and say ENOUGH </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know a lot about psychological issues and theories, believe me! I'm JEEVES! I tried to get into such analysis in my own counseling with Steve Harley. He never wanted to hear it. He would stress a focus on the infidelity. Certainly there are other issues in my personality, as you can tell, and in my marriage. I have been in IC and MC. However, I would be willing to stick my neck out and say that MB IS BASED ON BEHAVIORAL PSYCHOLOGY. Steve stresses how LOVE IS A VERB. I could go on and on to make this point but I don't care to. You know my bias about not adding our own interpretations into their approach or going off the page here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In doing so, one point I want to make is that we are all so hung up on the infidelity issue that we are looking at this problem by treating the symptom and not the bottom line issue. Need proof? Let’s look at what SH has advised. Ah Mimi, are you tasking note here?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do not for one minute think that Steve Harley would see someone as "hungup on the infidelity issue". You see, there's a sarcastic remark in there for me. I don't need that. Where is that coming from?

I thought Steve told Georgia to FILE FOR
DIVORCE.
Is there a difference?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And so folks, that is what I for one intend to do and if anyone is scandalized by my analysis or/and the characterizations I make of the participants in this relationship, then my advice to them is to get over it!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Coach, such statements just aren't necessary here. I wouldn't be scandalized by anything you say. You are welcome to your opinion. All of us are just trying to help each other out.

BTW, GEORGIA, I bet you said NO to your wife a zillion times. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN
WORDS!!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ March 11, 2005, 12:10 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

#1214067 03/11/05 02:02 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Georgia, do you really see her this way? You said that she was a wonderful wife and mother prior to her first A? Are you rewriting history yourself in order to try to account for her current behavior? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh man, I’ve been dreading this!!! Okay, here is what I recall, hopefully accurately even though time is beginning to affect this middle-aged brain, too.

She WAS a very, very devoted and loving Mom. She ran Mom’s taxi to school and back (17 miles each way) every day, was always the room mother, always chaparoned class trips, etc. We spent time EVERY day alone and talking, just the 2 of us. We had a date night weekly. She told me so many times how much she enjoyed those date night and our talks.

About 6 years ago, I noticed I begin to hear #1OM’s name very frequently. Whenever we sat down to a meal, WW would talk about #1OM. At about the same time, he set up her own e-mail account (we had just used a “household” e-mail up to that point). And, she password protected it and wouldn’t tell me what her password was.
In very short order, I could actually see her attitude and the way she treated #1S & #2S begin to change. As #1OM was a member of our church, I got to watch him / them together from time to time. She was like a teenage girl around him. Even more telling, he had a son the same age as #1S. When I saw them together (#1OM, #1OMS), he was very rude to his son. I begin to see WW treating #1S in similar fashion as #1OM treated OMS.

That, in my opinion, is where her total personality transformation began. However, I will say that her TAKER has always been much more dominant than her GIVER in the M. She once told me that she didn’t like for me to have money in my pocket because I would always buy her flowers, candy, etc. However, it wasn’t uncommon for dates like our anniversary to come and go without as much as a card from her. I didn’t really concern myself too much about those things, as I didn’t see them as a BIG issue because they weren’t.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Have we forgotten about the influence of factors such as MLC, the BIG M, EMPTY NEST SYNDROME and her MEDICAL CONDITION? I know that she is the WW and there is reason to be angry with her. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Perhaps I’m not being charitable enough, but I thought we had agreed that her actions weren’t as a result of any of the above, and that she is still quite capable of rational choices. And, I don’t feel nearly as angry with her as you might think. I feel much more like my W is dead, gone, forgotten and she’s been replaced by Faux W (aka WW, FPG, whatever). She no longer ACTS like W.
Okay, I don’t wish to demean her, I’ll stop the spoiled brat talk.

I’ve got a meeting, more later.
Georgia

#1214068 03/11/05 02:32 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh man, I’ve been dreading this!!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why have you been dreading this, Georgia?


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She WAS a very, very devoted and loving Mom. She ran Mom’s taxi to school and back (17 miles each way) every day, was always the room mother, always chaparoned class trips, etc. We spent time EVERY day alone and talking, just the 2 of us. We had a date night weekly. She told me so many times how much she enjoyed those date night and our talks.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This does not sound like a SPOILED BRAT to me. A spoiled brat would not have wanted to share her husband with the kids and would not have devoted such time to them. Like I said, I have a M like that. She spent no time with me and only wanted to be lavished with attention from my F. Remember my M also had an A and is now married to the OM...

Also, Georgia states that the PRINCESS changed only 6 years ago. That's 20 plus years of what he perceives as being a basically OK marriage. If analyzing, I would wonder what changed 6 years ago.

This was my question:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have we forgotten about the influence of factors such as MLC, the BIG M, EMPTY NEST SYNDROME and her MEDICAL CONDITION? I know that she is the WW and there is reason to be angry with her. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm calling these influencing factors not causes. I also do not think your actions are the BLAME for the A. Your WW chose to have the A. I think it is reasonable and expected for you to be angry with her.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> feel much more like my W is dead, gone, forgotten and she’s been replaced by Faux W (aka WW, FPG, whatever). She no longer ACTS like W.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with you on this. She is gone at least for right now. It clearly is uncertain whether she will return or not. However, this is not to say that she never existed. That would be rewriting history.

I identify with the being the TAKER more than the GIVER. I am personally dealing with that so maybe thinking of it makes me defensive. It is definitely easier for my H to GIVE than it is for me. Am I like my mother?

#1214069 03/11/05 03:16 PM
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coach:

Okay, I understand a little better what you're saying. I agree with a lot of it, and disagree with some of it (paricularly the blame-related aspects of the cause of the A - but change "cause" 2 "justfication" and I'd probably agree with much more).

For the record, though, in case it was me you were referring 2:

My W's A ended over a year and a half ago, by Penny's reckoning. I like things 2 be absolutely certain, though, so it probably sounds like it's still going on. What we DON'T have is a mu2ually agreed-upon plan for marital recovery. Don't know whether we will or not, either.

-ol' 2long

#1214070 03/11/05 03:18 PM
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I'll probably not answer all your questions..bear with me.

I've felt like I had some Mimi 2X4's coming my way, some slight confrontation. You know how I am.

Okay, let me take a shot at trying to wrangle this whole thing into something that makes sense. Yes, I think it has been okay that I spoiled (for lack of a better term) W as long as she appreciated it, enjoyed it, and was thankful for it. I think the line is crossed when the ATTITUDE (speaking gererically here, can apply to you too, Mimi) changes from "gratitude" to "entitlement". There was a time, like where you are right now, where she APPRECIATED the pampering, the "stuff", the adoration. However, that changed to where SHE is now, and this she is "entitled" to all this, like the world owes her big time. That is the problem....

Now...what happened 6 years ago? I was under EXTREME pressure at work, came close to quitting my job and moving due to intense time pressures. Also, #1S was graduating from HS, really wrapped up with GF (now DIL). It was a hard time for the family as a whole, and I do suspect that this all played some part (a catalyst?) in the OM attraction.

Plus, as you may recall, he was retired from the military. Stayed up all night while his W was out with her friends, so he was there all the time for WW to converse with while I was in bed.

Georgia

#1214071 03/11/05 03:32 PM
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Through GG to Mimi,
Mimi, may I suggest that you go back to the very beginning and read all of the posts of what I’ve come to think of as the GG saga. If you do, I think that you may come away with a different feel for all the information imparted....But before discussing this further, let me say something and in so doing, make myself perfectly clear! Mimi, please, please, please never think for one minute, (not one second), that I attribute to you anything other then love and good will! Please do not ever think, feel or wonder as to what motivation I attribute to you or your efforts. In my mind and in my heart, I choose to believe (choose being MY verb of choice in this situation) that you come here with nothing less then valuable opinions to share, a wealth of common sense, good will and a wonderful open willingness to share yourself. So if you ever had or still have any question as to my opinion of you, I hope that I’ve made my feelings clear.

As to GG’s life long caring and love for this woman, I think that you are not getting the true flavor of this relationship based on GG description of the marriage. And trust me. I do know what a loving relationship of the kind you’re describing is all about. I have just recently lost my father and I’m terribly worried about mom. Why, because the two of them enjoyed a 68-year love affair of the kind I’ve only ever read about. It took me 30 years to figure out why Mom always ordered the same exact dessert as Dad. Always! Why? Because if my Dad really enjoyed his desert, she wanted to have extra for him so that he wouldn’t have to wait for the waiter to bring him another! And I swear this is true. I know it’s true because my Dad told me about it and dad never lied to me (unlike my wife, LMAO!). Besides, my heritage is of the Jewish faith and marriages and how husbands treat wives in my faith are folklore! It’s street legend for goodness sake. And what GG describes AND HAS CONFIRMED BY HIS OWN WORDS, is that plus to the 10th power!

And Mimi, please know that my intention in describing GG’s wife as I did was not intended to be insulting to her. It was intended to describe an absurd level of self-indulgence and yes of entitlement that I feel is part of the root problem. But it is only part of the root problem! She does not bear the total responsibility for her attitude. The other part of the problem is owned by GG. And he accepts his complicity. In that GG is not the kind of person to make this kind of self-judgment frivolously, I feel that my premise is accurate.

This is not just a case of a good husband doing what all good husbands want to do. His behavior approaches obsessive over indulgence. The man simply adores his wife beyond anything and wants nothing more then to love her and to give to her, and give to her and give to her, and he has done so to such an extent as to foster a monster. An innocent monster with out meanness of spirit, or evil in her, but a monster never the less.

Now as to GG’s wife being a good mother, I would ask, as compared to what? I’m quite sure that in mechanical terms she met all the requisites of good mother hood. Did more then was required of her in some situations I’m sure. And she loved and loves her children and has always been present in their lives. Of this I’m quite sure. Did she strive to instill and in part the values we would all concur are appropriate? I’m sure that she did.

But let’s not look at this through the rose colored glasses of GG. Let’s instead look at her current interaction with both her sons and daughters in laws. Is her current behavior consistent with that of a “great” mother? And are we sure that this is the only time and example that might exist that would call into question her mother hood? Look! I’m saying she’s Lizzy Borden but neither am I prepared to confer on her the title, Mother of The Century. Nor am I prepared to believe that the love she has for her boys approaches the love she has for herself! But her being a good mother isn’t the question. The question is what kind of wife is she and what kind of wife has she always been?

Sorry Mimi and GG, I call’um as I see um!
Coach

#1214072 03/11/05 03:46 PM
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Georgia:

Given your last post, don't you think this fits with MB theory and not some major personality flaws that your wife has and wrongdoing (meaning blame) on your part?

I can handle direct confrontation better than sarcasm. I don't like for folks to be sarcastic with me especially people that I don't even know.

I really relate a lot to your situation as you can tell except my H was the WS. I was appreciative of my H even back then. I failed to tell him. I didn't say it out loud. The words of the Willie Nelson song, "You Were Always on my Mind" really fit for me. I took him for granted and thought that he would always be there no matter what. I continue to struggle with the need to show him how much I care, thinking he should just know it. I can't figure out why I have to make myself show with my actions. Steve Harley told me that I need to do it like my workout; practice until I build up the stamina and it is easy for me. I'm still practicing and it is becoming easier and more natural.

I just keep wanting to feel that your WW made a mistake by getting involved with the OM and just can't break away from it. It's so scary how one can do so much damage by one simple mistake...

Have you seen the movie UNFAITHFUL? At the end, the WW looks back and thinks how things could have been so different if she hadn't made that one mistake, that one day.....

It's so simple yet so complex.....

#1214073 03/11/05 03:52 PM
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Hummmm.....

I'm going to let "ya'll" duke this out while I eat popcorn and watch. But....I better not come back in here Monday morning and find a squabble on my thread...got that!!!! Okay, now...

Let me add just these few nuggets that may or may not be of any consequence.

I know that since exposure, #2S sat down with WW and told her that he had considered her to be the "perfect Mom". Not mechanical or duty bound, but loving, tender, kind.

And...after my 5 sessions with the local MC (one of which included WW), the MC told me that the only real mistake I had made was that I had "loved my wife too much". Not sure what that means, or where it all fits. But...that has stuck with me.

Okay, I guess we all realzie (IMO) that as the Titanic sinks, the thickness of the iceberg is really a moot point (at least for my sitch).

Georgia

#1214074 03/11/05 03:58 PM
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Mimi...I didn't see you last post before mine.

Can I straddle the fence on this one?

There is no doubt (IM0) that the MB theories fit exactly what has happened in my sitch.

I think the SH explanation of "inappropriate exposure of EN's" explains what has happened to WW. I think she HAS NOT accepted responsibility for this.

And...I do think she has a propensity to be stubborn (and this is a life-long trait) and somewhat self-centered (but not extremely so).

I think it is the combination of these, like air and fire, that has combined in just the right quantities to bring us to the roaring blaze we have today with OM#1, then OM#2.

Does that fit? And, does it make sense?

Georgia

<small>[ March 11, 2005, 03:03 PM: Message edited by: Formerly G.G. ]</small>

#1214075 03/11/05 04:10 PM
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And.....no, I haven't seen "Unfaithful". I will avoid that one.

Another is the oldie "The Days of Wine and Roses" about alcoholism (addiction).

I CANNOT watch movies like this right now. There is no reason that Mr. & Mrs. FGG can't have a glorious rest of our lives together, travel, grandkids, time with family, etc. However, it looks like it's not going to happen and that is so, so terribly sad. I KNOW that someday WW is going to so much regret this (am I being arrogant?), but right now I think you will agree that we (the whole cast of characters) just have to watch while she does her one-woman play.

Georgia

EDIT - Okay, last thing from me.
Mimi...you asked me a question. I THINK your Mom felt "entitled", whereas you G/M "appreciate" what H did for her. So..which one are you like, Mimi??? I think I know, and I think you know, too.

Jeb and I are going to finish painting the L/R trim tomorrow, hopefully set up the home theatre thing.

Have a great weekend all, see ya' in church Sunday.

<small>[ March 11, 2005, 03:20 PM: Message edited by: Formerly G.G. ]</small>

#1214076 03/11/05 04:19 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm going to let "ya'll" duke this out while I eat popcorn and watch. But....I better not come back in here Monday morning and find a squabble on my thread...got that!!!! Okay, now </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No duking out on my part. I remain a CA. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ok. Don't watch those movies. However, you can listen to Willie Nelson....

Have a great weekend!!!

#1214077 03/11/05 04:21 PM
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Let me throw a possible scenario at you. FGGWW has been (and is) a strong, stubborn woman. During early 20+? years of M was happy and felt fulfilled raising sons and being doted upon by loving H.

6 years ago she no longer felt needed by DS and looked to fil those unfulfilled needs that mothering gave her and couldn't find FGG at that very moment. Being impatient and a CA she sought this attention out, and found it in an OM. She felt justified, she was replacing her time with OM, he was only a friend, and filled a void. Then when he left, FGG didn't step in (and she didn't ask). It had been fulfilling before to have an OM, and FGG didn't seem to mind...there was nothing wrong with it...she found OM#2. Life moved along...she didn't need FGG as much, he filled a void, and she was 'doing her DH a favor' by not bothering him as much...FGG should appreciate that she was not bugging him for attention.

WHAT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> How dare he be offended at this...when he was OK with it for so long...

My suggestion? Craft a letter that explains you want to take the place of the attention OM gives her. That you love her and want OM out of your M. That you are willing to do this if she can recommit to the M, let you try to fill his place, and have no other contact with him. If she can't, then the D will move along and you will continue your life without her and OM.

Set the letter aside, and when she tricks you into contact again...hand her the letter/email. Make copies too...

Or don't even plan on sending it, just sit down and write letters to her that she will never see (or will see once recovery starts).

#1214078 03/11/05 04:25 PM
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Still:

I think you are on to something here!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

#1214079 03/12/05 10:03 AM
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Still,

I love your idea too!

#1214080 03/13/05 01:20 AM
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Can we also throw in going through menopause or starting to? And then the medical problem? I swear I've heard it be said that when the hormones are too low and the body thrown into a tailspin things seemed out of control for the person and they did things they normally would never do.

If someone has never gone through it, it's easy to say yea right. After reading the Sexy Years by Suzanne Somers my eyes were wide open and things also make sense about changes in me. I also REALLY understood my mom.

I think it all has a place into why the two A's happened. Does it make it right? No

As to how to go from there, I'll leave that for the experts <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

#1214081 03/14/05 09:43 AM
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Good Morning all –

On the lighter side. Jeb and I finished painting the L/R Saturday and ALMOST have the theatre thing set-up. Routing the wires for the speakers behind that picture rail worked out really good as you can’t see the wires at all. The beige colored walls with the white trim looks great.

I was talking to my neighbor (the cop) last night. I’ve invited him and his wife over for dinner tonight. I’m going to grill some steaks and fix some vegetables to go with them. Jeb and I are looking forward to entertaining in our home.

I had lunch with #1S/DIL yesterday and we had a very peaceful lunch together with no R / WW talk. It was very nice. They are escaping to a weekend in Charleston next weekend to get away for a couple of days. After lunch, they took me over to the neighborhood where they are having their house built and showed me a similar house (same floor plan) nearing completion. They are excited about their first house.

Now, on to more serious stuff –

Yesterday afternoon, WW showed up at the house again. I just went out on the porch and sat with her, didn’t have her come in (she met Jeb at the door). She was there about 2 hours. She looks terrible, she alternated between crying and being angry. She tells me that she isn’t talking to OM all night anymore, that now she only talks to him on his way to school in the morning, on his way home in the afternoon, and maybe some during the day if he needs to ask her something. However, she cannot commit to ending her “friendship” with him as he has been the only one who has stuck with her through this crisis.

She again asked me about going to counseling. I told her that I would like to go to counseling and learn how to meet her needs, but she had to commit to NC with OM first. She said that she couldn’t do that, and even her lawyer advised her that I was being unreasonable to “demand” she end this relationship. I asked her if her lawyer would be willing to say in court that she had advised her client to continue her relationship with another man.

She said that she hasn’t talked to SH anymore because what he did was “unethical”. She said that since SH had talked to me, it was unethical for him to talk to her, he should have referred her to someone else. Also, she reiterated her dissatisfaction with the first IC that I was seeing here in town.

To make a really long story short, there is no change at all. She’s really feeling sorry for herself, feels like the whole world is wrong and out to get her, and OM is her only friend.

SHMI – I haven’t written the letter you propose, but I have TOLD her, again Sunday afternoon, that I want to be able to meet her needs, that I want to work on the marriage, etc...but she FIRST has to commit to NC with OM. I am 100% convinced that she is NEVER going to do that. In her mind, if I would only go to counseling (MC of her choice), then perhaps I could see where I have been so deficient and learn to mend my ways to meet her needs, then maybe, just maybe, she would do without OM. But... in the meantime he is just a friend and I am a jealous husband and there is nothing wrong with what she is doing, anyway.

And...she repeated AGAIN on Sunday that “he can be my friend, too”!!!

Am I going crazy, or what ?

Georgia

#1214082 03/14/05 10:05 AM
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gg..

the question is the time at hand to quit talking to her at all?

any point to having this same conversation again..

any point at all.....

is it time to be totally out of the equasion

ark

#1214083 03/14/05 10:20 AM
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GG,

Ark is right. Your WW is getting her "fix" by coming over and making contact with you.

Put a note in an envelope addressed to her on your door. It should say:

"Dear WW, Please refer to the letter I gave you before I moved out. I wish no contact with you until you have met the terms of that letter. If you have met the terms of that letter, please contact my attorney. If not, please go away so I won't have to call the police. Thank you.
Love,
GG

Then, the next time she comes over, crank up that new theater system and ignore her. If she won't go away, pick up the phone and call the police.

LC

#1214084 03/14/05 10:36 AM
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Georgia:

I agree with LADY CLUELESS! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

What movies are you going to watch on the HOME THEATER? H looked at MAN ON FIRE again last night. I don't know what it is about that movie.

I'm trying not to talk about the Princess. She has really pissed me off and I'm such a CAer.

<small>[ March 14, 2005, 09:41 AM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

#1214085 03/14/05 10:50 AM
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Mimi....please, watch your language!!

(You think you're upset, imagine how I feel!). You know, this whole thing is just amazing. Sometimes I forget that each of us in this sordid play are all real people, not just anonymous names on a web-site.

To that end, picture in your mind that Sunday afternoon, I (Georgia) sat on the front porch with my wife of 28 years (WW) and listened to her tell me that she is corresponding with another man MULTIPLE times a day, and yet there is nothing wrong with this. She says that I am just using this as an excuse to get out of our marriage. I told her she is right, that I want out of a marriage with my wife and another man, but I want a marriage with just her. I told her, again in plain language, that I am going to divorce her and OM as I don't want to be a part of that marriage anymore.

Okay, no more Princess stuff.

I promise, I will watch Man on Fire, you've recommended it so many times. Maybe this weekend. I've got a pretty full week already (which is good).

Monday night - dinner with neighbors
Tuesday night - pottery
Wednesday night - church
Thursday night - SS class dinner
Friday night - ????? (maybe movie that night).

Georgia

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