This is an edited post from ladies

To some degree, this got me way off base. My reasons?

- H has been 100% accountable for his time or so I thought.
- I got full acces to the computer, cell phone, email accounts and stuff.
- H has been more caring and affectionate than ever.
- He has been his old self [the one I felt in love with] but better.
- He has done all in his power to spend time with me in the last 2 weeks, I was even extatic [sp]? about having lunch moneday and tuesday.... Now that I write this, I know the reasosns, he had to go on a trip and was playing the good guy.... but I'll come to that later...
- He gives me all the money to pay the bills, so no money left for an A right?

I trully believed we were recovering. BUT...

My doubts

- We had sort of stopped counseling, dates have become appart, and when we got there we only talk about family problems [not ours since we don't got any and small chit chat]. Since I'm the "head on finances" I saw we were loosing out money there. And didn't had much interest. Truthfully, I think the counselor can help, but a spiritual plan is best. wich...

- My H doesn't do any reading or anything to learn about this or any issues [yeah h.... I'm welcome to your club!], and I know how it goes. And that is why your post hit me HARD!.

- His spiritual growth is below zero, and with that you can't really recover.

With that all I'm saying, is that he sort of fooled me, but I was waiting for it. Is not like I have all the answers, but by now I think I know a bit better to know the difference. So I was settling for the small things, and not really looking at the big picture? Or maybe I was??? See? I sort of put a stop into the fertility treatment. Giving money excuses wich is BS.

So here is how it happened...

Yesterday I was getting ready and dressing up to go to my job [H had to leave early for a meeting], and at our closet I found a credit card receipt and a bill, from a restaurant that showed 3 whiskeys [sp]?. The bill was the same ammount of the restaurant CC receipt. The date was October 11th, time 8:10 pm [the time he was supposed to be at the gym and I was at my photography course]. The place? a Pizzeria in OW's zone... convenient huh?

So I'm not Einstein, but I can add. And he forgot to mention a bussiness encounter....

So I were struggling btw confronting him or not, and I decided to go ahead. I didn't wanted to wait, cause it was sort of eating me up. SO I did on chat.

I asked point blank when was the last time he has sawn OW [I called her by her name] not ussual in me...

And I said I want the truth now.

He sweared that it was when he left his job [back in July]

I said what were you doing on Oct 11th? cause it shows at the CC that you were at a place.

Again he sweared it was a bank mistake. That at the date he was at the gym and came home.

Then he called me and I asked again. The place is called..... and the bill was... Still he sweared it was a bank mistake. Then I fogured out he thoguht I wa asking because an statement, not that because I HAD the receipts and were looking at them... And I said look you are not understanding... you were At... you had 3 drinks, the time was 8:10, and the receipt is in your name... And still HE DENIED!!!! can you believe this guy? Gee some guys must come with a dishonesty chip or something...

Anyway, I guess that until he figured out I knew it was not a mistake, he said he was with her. I said I coudn't talk anymore or chat, because as you can guess at the time I was at my job and already crying....

So time passed, and after lunch, he came to my job, and said that he had his goodbye party [from job... remember I was freeting about?] at the time and he knew she wa comming and he didn't tell. That he was glad it happened because that way he got proof that he got no feeling left for her, and that the needs she was filling I did these days but beter. And a lot more of crap that I can't remember... I barely listened to it really. Then he asked if I wanted 2 days to think thing over and I agreed [how naive!!].

So I arrived home, and found a note from him. It said...

Hi
First, I want you to know that I felt in love with YOU again,right as you read it, today I can swear that the one that looses more for my stupidity is me!. <- Like I don't know

Second, is that my desire is not to live again what I had last year, and never make it live to you too.

Third, now I'm going to Colombia, I'll leave you the information where I'll be and you can call me [he left an email with it], or to the office so you can confirm. I know the timing is horrible, but it will alllow us to think.

L....

Now that is why I said he was being that cool [2 lunchs], and I was naive falling for his trap on the time for thinking... He knew I was going to have a fit, for him going to Panama last week and now this!!! COWARD!!!

The bad thing is, that last night I had 2 drinks. and frankly I wouldn't wanted to think at all. There is NO way that I'm going back, and they were not even fun at all, or took the problem away, as I knew.
But I'm not going to gice excuses I just couldn't help it. SO I'm back at day one at my 12 steps program.

Like a friend said, he is not going to take away the best in me.

My friends, all I need really is some support words, and a lot of praying. By now, I know only God can fix us.

He called this morning but I sort of didn't listened and hanged up. I don't got a good plan, but I'll think on something. I have chatted with some of you, who know better. Until then I don't know...

This time IS different. I'm in way best shape financially [ I just got a raise], yeah with the yelling boss huh? God indeed provides!, and my worse fear is covered up. But still trying to figure out if it was a one time thing or an ongoing A. My gut really tells me it was a one time thing, but, well given the history and my lying H, I can't really know. Also I'm much stronger and I know that God will take care on me regardless... And I finally got, that this has nothing to do with me, it's only him and his things. And if it's really about me, then I don't want to be eith someone who is unhappy with me. Period.

Thanks for taking care on me, and to read this far!

Oh Mattie,

I'm so so sorry. I wish you didn't have to experience this. But you are absolutely, positively, right--you are in good shape! And I'm not talking just financially--YOU are in marvelous shape!

I will add my prayers to the prayers of many others.

Take care Mattie

Oh, Matilde,

I am so sorry to hear this. SO sorry!

You are right, however, you are better this time - stronger and more able, with God's help, to do whatever you need to do.

This hit me:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And still HE DENIED!!!! can you believe this guy? Gee some guys must come with a dishonesty chip or something...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've experienced the same thing. When confronted with the obvious, the reaction is denial and even crazier, more unbelievable lies. If they could hear themselves, they would be shocked. To think that any living, walking human being would actually believe the words that are coming from their mouths!

Now I have a question: the fact that he has left now - is that an indication that he is with OW? Because as you know, all the lines about "needing space, needing to clear my head, getting away to think" - are all crap that is an attempt at covering the fact the the A is ongoing.

My situation is pretty rotten right now as well. My H refuses to give up OW and our marriage is probably going to end. The A has been over two years and it is time for him to make a final decision. I am ready to release him and give him his freedom to be with OW. My life and my happiness are too important to permit me to continue to live in limbo. Sad that a marriage of nearly 20 years is thrown away this cavalierly! But thus is the hold of the addiction, I guess.

Take good care of yourself. Be good to you!

Big Hugs!

Dearest Mattie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I don't know what to say, but I didn't want your post to go ignored, either.

Oh, I wish I could hug you and make it all better.

You *are* a lot stronger now. You're also more likely to react in a well-thought-out way, rather than out of pure emotion. For what it's worth, I have great confidence in you.

Hi LovingBoundaries

Thank you. I guess that I'm in better shape. Just getting out of the "shock" again.

Thank you for the prayers... How are your doing yourself?

ISGirl

Thank you, I guess we both know how bad is that [lying], and I guess we are not the only ones. I'm sorry for your situation too, but we still have choice. I have made a promise to myself, that if I can help it, not to live what was last year for me. And that is all what matters now.

Regarding your question, no I know this time he was on a bussiness trip, not the ussual crap I used to listen all the time, it was just that the timing su%%%d big time huh? But that is ok by me too. I can think it was for him to run like ever, or God allowing me some peace of mind time, wich... he did, besides my temporary insanity.

Again I'm REALLY sorry this is happening to you, and I don't got most probably the right words, but I have learned that God acts in misterious ways. I'm a believer of that now, and what looks like bad now.... might not be in the future. I know also how all this can take a toll on you, and your being tired of it all. Living in limbo is hell, and I know that too. All I can say, is save your sanity, and although is very hard to make that step, do not loose it all before doing it, if you know what I mean.
Take your time, YEAH! I know that maybe by now you will hate or love that word, but until you are sure and confident of your actions don't do them [I guess you already know this, just a reminder].

I will be praying for your peace of mind...

At the begining, I wanted to fight, and I only asked God a second opportunity, wich he gave me, right now, I swear I don't know what I want anymore, and that is why I'm going to wait a bit more, as crazy as it sounds.

Thanks for taking the time answering me I appreciate it.

turtlehead

Thank you, hugs are WELCOME! I know you got no words, neither do I, but I have to deal with it.

Like I said, I know I'm stronger, but also a bit wiser <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> so I'm not making any desition NOW. I'm hurt, sad, and out of balance. And meanwhile I'm out of balance, anything I decide to do, is going to be a bad choice. I'm not THAT young anymore, to act by emotions, and later regret them. I want to be sure, or if not at least at peace with my choices and the path I decided to walk. Is all I can tell about it now. I guess I will be updating as it goes.

Thank you for your confidence in me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> , and also if you do please pray, is all that matters to me now.

Take you all good care