We are trying to put our 28 yr marriage back together but after I read this I’m not sure we are really both trying.
NC isn’t possible and I appreciate that withdrawl for her is hard, it’s only been 3 weeks, but this is starting to really get to me. I’m pretty sure, apart from work, they aren’t meeting, she promised and I believe her, but my hands are tied from 9 to 5.

I’m afraid if I bring the following up, I’m going to regret it. As it is, I’m already starting to put my possessions into a pile for moving day but I hope it will never come……

This was discovered by snooping. She keeps an electronic diary and I found the disk in the A drive this am.

>>>>>>I miss Him.

A week ago I had to ask him not to touch me unless he meant it. On the Monday, during a meeting, he rested his calf over mine under the table. When I brought it up later, he admitted he had just been a ****. That it was hard to go from the physical closeness to not touching. But that he had done it just because it was a daring bad thing to do in a meeting where the third party would have no idea.<<<<<<<<

I’m wondering about the advisability of calling him on this and even going so far as to contact his superior ,who I am friendly with, and making this known to him. Any comments?
I don’t know how to approach my WW and wonder if I should even let her know that I know. We have been talking about our problems and her A openly but I can’t see us working through this anymore. Will contact help the situation or is it just revenge. I don’t know.

brian

why can your wife not find a different job:? or one not in direct contact of OM? I am sorry I am not familiar with your story, just a thought.

I would in a round about way ask your wife about her journal entry, but do not let her know that you read it, as that will undoubtly make her angry. Plus then she will be more careful of where she puts it, and you won't be able to read it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

Talking with the OM in my opinion is not a very good idea. more hurtful for you, more power for him.

How long have you been in recovery? How do you feel about this?

Brian,

Can you ask her if there has been any contact (emotional or physical) with OM just to see what her response is? You don't have to tell her that you know or how you know. Just ask her.

I haven't been here for long. Instead of slitting my wrists about 1 month ago, I came here. Anyname has been wonderfull helping me understand this whole thing and The link is to all of my posts.
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=recent_user_posts;u=00037797

She can't quit or move right now. Simply not an option. I don't want to reveal the knowledge of the disk...I might look for it again (damn, I feel like a sneak)

I have so far been able to read her quite well...28 yrs with your eyes open can give you that knowledge. I like the idea of coming at it indirectly..."Can you ask her if there has been any contact (emotional or physical) with OM just to see what her response is?"
And I know I sound like a member of the great head in the sand crowd but I believe she will tell me if I make it sound like I know or have a feeling.
I really wish harm on the OM but I'm not sure of my motives. Will it help out my marriage or just give me vengence?

"Talking with the OM in my opinion is not a very good idea. more hurtful for you, more power for him."

I was thinking of sending an email something like...We have decided to try or hardest to repair our marriage. I trust you won't do anything to interfer in that process.

Still though, it's a gamble, isn't it?

that is just leaving the ball in his hands. leaving him to think that he still has that special place in your W's heart, That and he will then think that he meant enough to her to do that to a M. Big ego boost for him, nothing for you except more heartache. I wish I would have listened to someone about that. I met with the OP as she USE to be my friend. She used it to tell me how much my H loved her and how they were soulmates and I was just an interim for my H until they met. Stupid things like that, I learned things I did not want to. Please do not subject yourself to that and do not give him the power.

Sit and talk with your wife, take her to a nutral place like a resturant and have the conversation with her, where she can not raise her voice, and maybe she will open up to you in ways not before. See if that gets you anywhere.

I am with you do not tell her about you finding the disk, that way you may have access to it again!!!!

Without mentioning that I knew anything, I asked her when she came home about how she was dealing with all this in her own mind. Gradually the conversation came around to how I would work with her with all my will to move forward with her together but I wasn't going to do that if she was still involved with him.
She didn't fess up completely which is kind of like a lie but she did say she was keeping him at a distance. I guess scolding him for an in appropriate touch is the same as no physical contact!
She seems very concerned about my feelings tonight though. I wonder if it's the for sale sign she saw on my 79 Corvette that has her concerned. It would me if the situation was reversed. Tomorrow when she comes home she is going to see the new suitcases in my office. I really need them, I just hope it's not too soon.

Brian

why are you selling your car and what are the suitcases for? I am sorry I am not all that familiar with your story- if you have explained this before again sorry.

Good job last night keeping your information, I do not think I could have done it.