</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> When asked why would he stay ... "Who else would put up with my S#!^?" ... it's now turn into "I want to be with you and work this out. We could be awsome". </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I like this change as well <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Way to go LINY!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Hip, Hip, Hooray! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Starz - I will pray for you both. Good luck at Sunday School - go get 'em, girl! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

OOOOOOOOH! OOOOOOOOH! (she says as she jumps around like a monkey! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

I started two whole pages in a row......

And the Academy Award goes to.......

Yea......OK.........Whatever <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Man, I'm even irritating myself this morning! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

It probably wouldn't matter - but he and two other guys are doing the cooking. Houston is under a flood alert today, with super heavy rains headed north toward Houston. When it does rain like that, the part of Houston he's going to tends to flood rather badly. I'm sure they'll be in a pickup which sits high off the ground, but still -- nasty and possibly dangerous.

Yes, it is difficult to sit here and basically do nothing. Plan A is not easy when you have no children to make the house happy and lively. My S is grown, and although he comes by, with his friends, it is a brief respite. I am finding it difficult to start cheerful conversations with him. I buy him little things like candy (sugar free, because he has high blood sugar counts) and I try to do nice little things, and speak softly, and not LB, he still picks fights over things and considers everything I do a LB, I think. I can't seem to do anything right. But I don't raise my voice, I am very calm, etc. But just my being friendly annoys him. If I walk out the door with a smile to greet him when he comes home, he doesn't seem pleased at all. If we are sitting together, if he starts a conversation, it's ok. But if I start one, I get a one word answer or a grunt. Sometimes he goes upstairs to watch tv. If I go up with him, he thinks I am following him around, which he finds annoying. If I don't go upstairs, he thinks I don't care anything about him, and uses this to further justify the A.

I think I am at a dead standstill. I don't know how to please him. I guess, while he is in the fog, I can't expect to. But every now and then he is cheerful, talkative, just like old times, which gives me a glimmer of hope.

He has always been an optimist, while I have been accused of being a pessimist. I can't believe I am continuing this struggle with such optimism. I am still hopeful that this can turn around somehow. That's why I called Steve this week. I kind of think the odds are against me. This has gone on so long - much longer than I knew - the EA had gone on for over a year and now the PA has gone on for a year and 4 months, I believe. I see no sign of it changing anytime soon. Exposure has had no effect, it seems, and they have just become more secretive.

Sorry to vent here in front of the Idiots, but I am having a glum, rainy Sunday it seems. (I think I am taking on the persona of Job!!) I think this afternoon I will put on the comedy channel and see if I can cheer up some. It usually helps.

The only other thing that helps is to come to Idiotville and read the silliness we dish out. We are all crazy people. So much fun. Well, enough sadness on this thread. Hope for a better evening than the morning was. Going to church is always an "upper." I love my little church. I think I will run get some milk before the floods come. See ya later.

((((((((((((starz)))))))))))))

My heart goes out to you. When was your d-day? How in the world have you been able to stay with him while his A continues?!?!? I know that I was the WS, but I couldn't stand to disrespect my H by keeping the A secret even after I ended it. Sometimes I just don't understand some WS's.

You do deserve better. And I am truly sorry that I have to say that. I wish that I had advice for you, but I really don't even know what to say. Only that you are loved, cared about, and are a really wonderful person. Your H is truly missing out.

The fact that he continues to do this in front of your face just really disgusts me. The A is disrespectful enough. But to do it in the face of exposure just adds another level of "smut" to the whole situation.

In some ways, it reminds me of SWH (SueWithHope) who used to post over on JFO. Your situations are somewhat similar it seems, except she has children.

Starz - I hope you find peace today. And I hope you find peace in your situation as well.

And for you, I hope this dreary weather (yup, it's up here, too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ) ends soon. Sometimes we just need to see a bit of the sun to remember that there are brighter times.

((((((((((love you))))))))))

{{{{{Starz}}}}}

You made a comment in your last post. You said that you're H is an optimist and you've been described a pessimist. I don't believe that I have ever taken that jist from reading your posts. I'm sure its hard w/ H still involved, and there have been times where I've seen sadness in your words, but I've also always seen hope. And hope to me includes optimism.

Hang in there, and we'll keep praying for you and your Marriage!

RH

<small>[ November 21, 2004, 11:08 AM: Message edited by: Recovering H ]</small>

Hey Idiots!
{{{starz}}}
{{{LIT}}}
{{{RH}}}}
{{{brown}}}

RH, I'm with ya on this one. I saw it too. Starz, *YOU* seem like such the optimist! I have a really stupid question, and I don't know how much of an impact (if any) it may have, and it is admittedly an ignorant question, but does going through the perverbial mid-life crisis have anything to do with this mess that he's created?

I really wish there's something I could say or do...I think we all feel that...

Gotta go all....have a great Sunday.

LIT - (the dots are too much trouble)

I posted this ages ago on another thread but here is the shorthand version:
Me 55 H 56 S 23 Married 33 Ow 33 with 2 little kids under 10. She is thin, sexy, smiles all the time and a ***** (you choose the word that fits) She worked at a place he "volunteered" in. Her H believed abusive - she became friends with my H - talked constantly on cell phone. I suspected something was wrong for about a year, but no proof. Found text msg in March, confronted H, he denied anything going on. Later in M she came out here (I was leaving) passed her on the street, turned around and sure enough she was coming to my house. When I saw truck, turned around and left. H comes in later, says we have to talk. He explained everything away. "Love her like a sister" I believed him - he never told a lie in 31 years. NEVER! on Mother's day found e mails on computer - some sexually explicit. Didn't confront - spent several months gathering legal evidence in case I ever needed it. about 6 weeks ago finally exposed to OWH, and confronted H. He refused to admit anything. One month later he confronted me - angry and upset over things I have done - exposure, moving money, etc. He is still seeing her, talking to her constantly, lying to me and everyone else, passing love notes like 7th graders. They haven't been to a motel lately, but they will. He says it has ended - lie. He has promised her that he will divorce me and marry her. I know just about everything. I still love him as much as the day I married him, but the pain is excruciating. I've been hanging on a long time. I do not want a divorce. Am now consulting with Steve H.

Believe it or not - that IS the short version.


LINY - I do think it is a midlife crisis. I am at least 50% to blame for problems in the marriage, but he is 56 yrs old- lost 70 pounds and started working out to look good for her. His father died at age 60 - so I think he is greatly influenced by that threat. He has some health issues also including ED. It is SO TYPICAL of a mid life crisis that it's pitiful. Older man, younger woman, grasping at anything to keep him young.

RH and others- I don't think I am a pessimist. Husband does. He has told me for years that I am a pessimist. He just doesn't really know me, does he? Maybe I should use my Idiot friends as character witnesses?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Enough of this. Somebody be funny, or I'm going to go turn on the comedy channel. That's a threat! I am the town sniper, remember? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

There wasn't anything on the comedy channel, either.

Look I killed the thread again.

Does everybody else here have a life today except me?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

POP! POP! POP!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Starz

That was my version of a "drive by posting."

There, now you didn't kill the thread, I did <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Been thinking about you today. No wonder IB is a head of lettuce....Oh, I mean cold <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . You exposed his little secret. Now I understand better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I agree with you - MLC all the way.

You are so emotionally and MB savy, that I thought for sure you had been in recovery for longer than that! Still don't know what to tell you except to hang on.....and if he talks to OW, tell him this Aggie from Dallas is coming down to open a can of whoop-a$* on him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hope your day was OK....I got called into work, and then had to get some ingredients from the store for beef stew tomorrow. One thing about living alone and cooking for one.........I eat the same thing for like 5 days straight! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Going to curl up with a bowl of ice cream later and watch Monster with Charlese Theron.....I think she's hot (as I like to say..."If I were a guy, I'd do her <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )....but apparently not in this movie <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Hope tomorrow is better....are we to expect sun in our lifetime?????? Where did it go?????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Ladies, you MUST move to Florida...

Or at least visit here soon!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

It was an absolutely BE-EE-A-UTIFUL day today!!

Still 70 degrees out...

quite lovely!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It was not bad here in good ol' Minnesota for a November day either... Oh yeah and the Vikings won!!!!!!!! I was at the game, rather ugly at times, but the outcome is all that matters!! We will take it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

One more BUMP before I give in to the calls of my bed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Bump......bump.bump.bump.

Things that go BUMP in the night! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Robbie - Never invite unless you are willing to follow through <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ha ha! At this rate, I could drive to FL before we are expected to see sun! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Nighty night, you guys! Sleep tight! Don't let the bed bugs bite! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by L.I.T:
<strong>

Robbie - Never invite unless you are willing to follow through <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ha ha! At this rate, I could drive to FL before we are expected to see sun! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">All Idiots are always welcome at the Mayor's pad!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Just call first!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

1-8-0-0-m-a-y-a-r-o-b
(1-800-629-2762)

Wow...what a disgrace in Detroit on Fri, eh? (And in Dallas too. I love Vinny, but, he should have retired before[/] he played with my Jets!)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ow 33 with 2 little kids under 10. She is thin, sexy, smiles all the time and a ***** (you choose the word that fits)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I only have 4 asterisks: [I]you fill in the blank! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

{starz}

I'm sorta afraid to ask, but: how'd the rest of the day go yesterday, Robby?

Actually had a very good weekend. Lots of deposits, I think more trust built (through accusations--but that's OK (I mean it), brown needs to work through this too, and if she needs to accuse me of something, i don't have any more lies that I've told, so, it's gonna be OK. Right?), and some real good intimacy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And, it's almost two weeks! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

OK...it's gettin' late and still have some chores to do and this wine is hitting me pretty good, so, have a great week everyone!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and this wine is hitting me pretty good</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wow...really screwed up with this [] per my last post.

Good Morning I-ville!

How was everyone's weekend? Looks like we had some serious happenings... in I-ville over the weekend. I'm sorry that some of you guys are hurting...

{{{{{hugs for everyone!!!}}}}}

Good morning everybody.

{{{robby}}} {{{starz}}}

YL, is your email at home not working???
And for your and NG's info, I think I will skip my b-day this year. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'm sure ST will, he never remembers my b-day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Take care everybody, it's almost Turkey Day. YUM!! :)P

Today is the closing of one major chapter in my life, and the beginning of another.

This is all at once horrificly painful, terrifying, and uncertain as well as peaceful, hopeful, a relief, etc.

I cannot believe I am here.

When I dreamt of my life as a child, I never envisioned being divorced. Never envisioned that I would be nursing the broken hearts of my children. Never thought I would be paired with a man who could willingly inflict so much damage, unashamed, unaffected, non-plussed.

As an idealist, somewhat of a sappy romantic, it is all very hard to swallow. I believe in the power of love. I am passionate about the concept of hope, and I have seen first hand the fruits of belief, unwavering faith. I mourn all the "shoulda, woulda, coulda-s." I grieve all the things I wish I would have done differently. I loved my husband so very much...and can feel the draft, hear the whilstling through the hole that is now left in my heart. No matter what the future brings, that love, while eventually smaller, will never completely die for him.

I spent an awful lot of time this past year fighting myself. I am a forever kind of lover. Not necessarily in the romatic sense, but in the REAL sense. When I finally let someone in, really really in, to my inner world, where I am real, sometimes insecure, sometimes fearful, sometimes inept, always so hungry for real, real, real intimacy...that kind of soul binding connection, that is often uncommon in interpersonal relationships, when people are finally let into that world, I do not think that love ever dies for them. I literally envision a small file cabinet, a storehouse of love that no matter the end of the story on that file, is still in tact, taking up space in my heart. But luckily, God designed my heart to be able to love like this, and there is plenty of room left for some others to occupy space in that proverbial file drawer.

I spent the last year in denial of that fact. I wanted to stop loving WH. I did self destructive, hurtful things...to MYSELF. I wanted soooo badly to take that file, and shred it, set it on fire, tear it into a million pieces, and I just could not. All I did was inflict that damage on myself...with that love for WH still intact.

One day, in a small, soft voice, I heard God asking me why I was doing that? Why was I trying to STOP loving?

And I really did not have any answers for that.

Because I would stop hurting? Because I would finally be able to move on? Because I would be able to love someone else? Because my own survival insists on the denial of this love?

I hear a soft whisper ask me, "Did I not equip you to love, command you to love, unconditionally, regardless of the other person's actions, intentions, motivations, regardless of their own path?"

And I knew He was right.

As soon as I stopped trying to eradicate that love from my life, and just let that "file" sit in the "drawer," left it alone, not adding any more records, no more glances into it, just left it to be what it is, I started to heal.

Sometime I forget it is there. I forget, as I busily navigate my existence. Sometimes, I hear a song, see a sight, remember an experience, and I feel a slight twinge of it, a small consciousness that it is still there, sitting dormant. And other times, it is impossible to avoid. My heart breaking as I watch him self-destruct in front of my eyes, or hear of his plans to marry the OW, or watch my 10-year old son crumpled at the alter at church, tears streaming down his cheeks, prayerfully requesting his Daddy come home.

I had hoped we would have weathered this storm, and that God would have used my experiences to help me help others.

National Adoption week is this week.. Kinda ironic. Part of the set of behaviors, healthy AND unhealthy, were due in part to the fact that I was adopted.

I think about the gaping hole that remains due to the adoption experience. I never ever ever ever wanted to experience that kind of rejection and abandonment again. I was convinced I would die if I did.

I learned I was wrong. I will keep on living, keep on breathing, waking, sleeping, etc.

I guess that is a lesson I will never regret. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />