{{{{{starz}}}}}

but I don't understand this:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by starz:
<strong>but I might have to live alone for the rest of my life. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Robby-

What I mean is this:

I have loved this man for almost 36 years. (I knew him for 2 years before we married, and we will be married 34 years in May if we make it that long. There was complete honesty and trust between us until these last two years.

My feelings of hurt and betrayal are immense. I am no longer young, and I sag in places I shouldn't, am bald due to breast cancer stuff, so I wear a cap or a wig at all times except in the house. I am five feet tall and currently weigh 175. And that's after I lost 50 pounds. Although I have a nice face, and I am talented and funny and love people, I don't know that I ever would want to try to find another man, much less one who would want me. IB has pretty much convinced me that I am not someone that any man could love.

Additionally, I am pretty much a marriage-is-forever kind of girl. I am afraid that whether we end up together or not down the road, I am not likely to marry again. I stood before God on May 23, 1971 and made a promise. I take that pretty seriously. I do understand that adultery is the one valid reason for divorce, but even so I don't want it.

I do not currently believe that I could ever trust anyone unconditionally again.

My husband, except for this A, was a perfect husband. He was honest, good, kind, loving, and great in bed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

I have my son, of course, but only my mother is still living. She is 86 and in poor health. I have cousins, but except for 2, none live near me. Sons, as you may or may not know, marry eventually and spend more of their time with their wife's family, and their children, which is exactly as it should be. Daughters tend to stay in touch more with their mothers after divorce or death. Sons aren't exactly like that. It is difficult for me to think of holidays or special events without family. My husband has two brothers with 6 nieces and nephews so holidays are really fun.

Of course, this is a pity party I am having, but it is also true.

That's what I meant.

Oh Starz, I forgot to tell you. The same people in their 50's who say they will never marry again are the ones that do marry. You'll be just fine.

I think your WH is the same as mine, also going through A MLC. Mine is in love with a woman 20 years younger. One part of the MLC is blaming the wife for EVERYTHING.

Unfortunately I don't want my WH back. Too bad for him.

Starz, you said: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am not alone, of course - your situation isn't resolved, Robby's has taken a turn downhill at present, and there are probably plenty of others. I guess I just get sad when I see this program working for so many others and not for me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I remember in my early days here on MB (about last March/April) WAT once saying something like not everyone is able to recover their marriage, but by following and learning the MB principals you make yourself a better person and in the event you end up remarrying in the future (or even not) you are able to be a better spouse OR person. So even though things look bleak with IB, you are a better person. I know that is small consolation with what you're going through, but God brings us many strange aspects to our lives that we don't understand when they happen.

Much love to you!

RH

<small>[ December 05, 2004, 08:03 PM: Message edited by: Recovering H ]</small>

Barn/shed update: Finally got the roof rafters on today, though I miscalculated and didn't order enough 2x4's for the girts. Ok, ok, where's all the 2x4's when you need them? Come on, hit me. Oh, I guess, those 2x4's won't work on my shed. Oh well, I'll figure out what I need and then get it. Plus, I need to go ahead and order the steel siding now.

Weather: Looks like an ugly week ahead...rain, snow, cold weather. Oh well.

Didn't get a deer Saturday (not that I minded), but saw about 5. Didn't have any luck driving them to my buddy who came up. There was a funny though. We were done and standing around just talking. I told my buddy to keep alert cuz even though were done, some deer could run across the fields at any minute. Yup, you guessed it, two minutes later 3 doe ran by, but he didn't have a doe license for our area and I decided to pass.

Hey, AW, how about a sports update on Amer. football:

Helpless Fish lost again, Eagles fly high. Steelers are tied as I type this. Patriots win again, Jets win in Pennington's return. Oh yeah, Cowboys lose tomorrow night. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hey Idiotville - well the pond was NOT a success. All the fish were dead this morning. I was so disappointed. Have no idea why they died. Maybe because it was too cold here. At night it gets down to about 34 degrees.

The fish store said the fish would have no problem adjusting, but they did. They are DEAD, damn&t!

So back to the drawing board for believer.

Good morning (evening) everyone!

Hey Mr. Mayor - How are you doing this evening?

Hi Starz - Chin up! You'll get through this!!!

Hey RH - You didn't kill the thread!!! I always have to make 20 trips to the Home Depot when I have a project going... Guess I wouldn't make a very good contractor...

Hey Believer - Sorry to hear about the fish... Why don't you try some bass or bream? They take to cold water pretty well.... and you can catch them and eat them!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

RIF: It wouldn't be so bad (making all the trips to Lowe's), but it's 50 miles away. Guess, its a good thing I go that way every day for work.

Believer, did the store have any idea why they died? You might want to give the water a week to let the chlorine evaporate before you put anymore fish in it. Or maybe just wait til spring, then put fish in it and then next fall maybe they'll slowly adjust to it.

Hey All!

I'm doing pretty well RIF. W is sick today. Think she has the same stomach virus I had Wednesday and BIL had Friday. It's a real doozey too. Poor girl. I took her some Sprite (diet) and Imodium AD (target brand). Offered to bring her anything else she might need/want. She won't call though... I'm sure she's sleeping.

I'm not complaining, ok, yes I am... but when I was sick I got zero sympathy. Zilch! No compassion whatsoever. Maybe my Giver is just bigger than hers! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

RIF -

Bhaaahaaahaaa. Leave it to you to figure out something to eat. Actually we do have a pet bass - my boys caught him last year and we keep him in an aquarium. As you can tell, I am a fish person.

I have an aquarium with salt water fish, one with fresh water fish, and one with the bass.

Tonight I bought 2 koi that are in my aquarium and getting acclimated to go into the pond.

Also I go fishing constantly, and catch all kinds of things.

Glad you will be home soon.

Believer,

RH said it first so I'm just going to second it...

The water needs time to declorinate. There are chemicals to help but it in not recommended.

I can give you some good links and dealer info if you need it.

Robby - we put the chemicals in the water. But anyway, the koi are safe in my aquarium. So far, they are getting along with my other fish - a beta, guppies, and an Oscar. They are quite beautiful. I love them already and will try to take good care of them.

RH - 50 miles??? You must live out in the sticks!!!

Hey Mr. Mayor - Man, I know what you mean... I turn into the most needy wimp there is when I'm sick... I get zero sympathy from my W... but my middle and youngest daughter like to play nursemaid so they take care of me... well, that is, when I'm home. If I get sick over here, I'll just have to tough it out! I hope your W gets to feeling better...

Hey Believer - So do you ever "test" out your fishing lures on your pet bass???

RIF - You are absolutely a bad boy. Of course I don't test the lures on the bass. He is a pet now.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> RIF - You are absolutely a bad boy. Of course I don't test the lures on the bass. He is a pet now. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You can bend the hook down so you don't hurt him!!!

....and then when you're tired of him being a pet, you can catch him and eat him!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks RIF!

I hope she feels better soon too...

She needs her strength to keep yelling at me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hey Starz

I am sorry you feel down. Who knows why some WS respond well to MB and some don't....

Remember a random tragedy ( OMs estranged son dying) microwaved OMs NC commitment and THATS one reason my Plan A was effective.

Chin up - remember your personal recovery is more important than your M recovery. Work on THAT and your R will take care of itself I reckon.

{{{{starz}}}}

{{{Starz}}} - IB is going find out that miss curly isn't all he thinks she is. By then I have a feeling you will have moved on.

Bob, I dug up Rob's (my H's) only post on MB for you to have a look at. All the talk about boundaries and whether you want to carry on etc made me think about what he wrote.

This is from June this year and I hope no one minds if I post it here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Hi everyone

I've edited a bit here then...
I was angry and hurt and didn't know how to channel all that emotion. I HATED the OM and still do after 7 months. I have told Jen that I know its wrong but if I ever see him in the street, at a restaurant or a social function he is going to get my fist in his mouth. I guess its a man thing but I don't care if I'm pushing my walker in a rest home he is eventually going to get his!

Anyway, I digress (you see how easy it is to get sidetracked into talking about the OM) what I really wanted to say is that I think Jen and I have nearly come through as a couple.

We have been on the rollercoaster ride that I expect every couple in recovery goes through. We have connected and disconnected with abandon. We have misunderstood each other constantly. We have parted sullenly in the morning and made up passionately at night. We have drunk an extraordinary amount of red wine and have smoked thousands of cigarettes. We have laughed and cried and endured the odd day of silence.

At the end of it all I still love my wife more than ever. I think and hope that we have both grown and learned from what has happened to us. We are both different with each other. Our marriage is not the same and it never will be. It can (and must) be stronger if we want to stay together. I look at her now and I don't see a "fallen" woman, I don't see the woman I married nearly 30 years ago, instead I see a different person, someone new, a lot more secure in herself and who she is. A woman who is prepared to start again in a new voyage with her husband. I'm not sure where it is we will end up but I'm sure excited that I'll be along for the ride.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's how he's always seen it and why I'm still here and loving him.

Jen

<small>[ December 06, 2004, 01:26 AM: Message edited by: KiwiJ. ]</small>

Jen, Rob speaks with my words and I with his.

On a bit of a dip right now, but have every hope of us doing as well as you folks.

i REALLY wish Squid would talk to someone like you or KY by mail or phone though I really do....

She needs to know shes not a freak and that she CAN recover the damage caused by her affair. And she hasn't got to beat herself up every day for ever over it.BTW I told her I fogave her last night. And I have. I'll always hurt, I 'll always hate the A and OM but I have no hate or malice in my heart towards Squid anymore over the A. And I lay down my "right" to hold it over her ever again. Even if we split up it will be because we are incompatible not because she had an A. I say those words and I mean them with all my heart right now.

Lets look forward, not back.
Thanks Jen.

You left a kipper in that miserable woman at work's desk yet ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Good Morning Idiotville!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />