</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He needs to wake up and smell the coffee; needs to look up and see his starz! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nope, your not funny, but your very cute. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Off to read Starz thread.

No LINY - I mean after Brown's trigger yesterday. It seems when she triggers, then you get stressed and want to relieve it by G'ing.

Good point. Actually, no. *BUT* and it's something I have to keep a real close eye on it, is anger management now. Really never had a problem with it before--until recently. But I am aware of it--and I gotta get a hold of it before it get s out of control. (ie-I destroyed the dvd player saturday night--been crapping out lately, and, well, just tried to bang it "a little" to make it work again!)

Gotta get vready for work! Ahhhh!

Sorry, back to H%LL.

Ho Boy, Idiotville's a sad and troubled place this Christmas. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

All these good people trying earnestly to love and be loved in faith yet enduring undeserved heartbreak time and again.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

We got an I'ville pastor ? We could use an entreat prayer.

You sad and troubled folks just spend ONE SECOND thinking of our Friend RIF. He's holding his baby in one had and a cold beer in the other right now.

He and Mrs RIF walked this same troubled road as we do, but they finished the course.
We can do it.

Love each other, as yourselves Idiots.

{{{{{idiots}}}}}

You're a big ole mush-head, you know that Bob?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Love each other, as yourselves Idiots</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think that is part of my problem. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I really need to change my internal dialogue. I am a good wife, I am a good wife.

I do miss RIF's encouraging words. Had a breakdown this morning, just couldn't handle the guilt today esp. after H again turned down SF last night. I called him and sobbed and apologized profusely! I did a pretty good job of squashing the guilt for so many years and now it is right in front of me and it is ugly!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Is there something in the air or in the booze Robby is serving us? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I think that is part of my problem.

I know DEAR Ky....I know.... {{{ky}}}

Its time for you to stop picking up your broken self esteem from the pile of stuff that God's forgiven.
You ARE worthy of being loved. Your love IS of great worth to ST and others.

Leave that stuff with God already. He's arranged processing and everything...He can't help if you keep taking it back.

<small>[ December 13, 2004, 04:00 PM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>

Actually it is normal to be regretful. But WS's feelings here go waaaayyyyyyy beyond regret. What is in the past is in the past. Get that? In the past. Done, done, done. Can't be changed.

The only thing to do is to move on from this day forward.

The streets are deserted... hhheeellooooo...I guess everyone is working and doing what they are supposed to be doing instead of lurking like me. I SHOULD be working, guess I will try that for a while.

You're a big ole mush-head, you know that Bob?


In so many ways Kimmy...in so many ways <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

hi FF, i am no where as good as RIF but I wanted you to know i understand.

tell your husband how you are feeling but don't make it sound like it is his fault. own your feelings, they are yours and due not only to external stimulus (like being turned down) but also due to who you are and your life experiences. you need to communicate to him but in a way that will not make him feel he needs to become defensive. it is not always easy to do, this past weekend i wrote H a short note, making it clear that my goal was to communicate to him. i also told him the same thing i just said to you, that i own my feelings, they are not caused by him. i am communicating them to him because he is my husband. at the time i was feeling rejected (SF issues as well), unworthy of his love as well as the start of some unappreciation of all i have done well during our relationship and finally the start of resentment.

i then told him how i reflected on my feelings and came up with what i needed in order to feel better and continue to give him the patience he needs from me. and what i came up with is to make his coffee, make the family the normal weekend big breakfast and then go to church (on my own if no one wanted to join me, which is what happened). irronically the sermon title was patience, don't panic. the 3rd advent candle was healing.

so determine your feelings, own your feelings, communicate your feelings, determine what you need (and make it things you can do for yourself if possible!), communicate what you need and your plan to get those needs filled and taaaa daaa, all is well.

so either i have given you helpful advice or a good laugh at how ridiculous that might of ended up sounding like!!!

(but it did work pretty well for me this past sunday.)

oh yeah, one more thing. remember YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY YOUR PAST MISTAKES. accept God's forgiveness and forgive yourself.

DipiT-

I think Mschluter & Jelly could use your "down-to-earth Forgive Yourself" talk. The one you gave me a while back...

You know, you dumbed it down so I could understand? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

RIF - Home yet?

AW - Is aussie home yet?

FL,

Thanks very much. Yes, you make sense and did it nearly as well as RIF himself. I do really well for several days and am really coming to understand a lot about myself and about being responsible for my own actions. But then BAM something happens and I lose it again. Yes, you are right I do own those feelings and he is not responsible for them, i guess the rejection just amplified my own hatred for past actions.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> oh yeah, one more thing. remember YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY YOUR PAST MISTAKES. accept God's forgiveness and forgive yourself.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am getting there. I am an idiot though and keep having to be reminded of it. Thanks for taking the time. I do appreciate it.

Reminder FWS's.

YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY YOUR PAST MISTAKES. accept God's forgiveness and forgive yourself.

Icon 1 posted December 13, 2004 02:32 PM Profile for LINY Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote Good point. Actually, no. *BUT* and it's something I have to keep a real close eye on it, is anger management now. Really never had a problem with it before--until recently. But I am aware of it--and I gotta get a hold of it before it get s out of control. (ie-I destroyed the dvd player saturday night--been crapping out lately, and, well, just tried to bang it "a little" to make it work again!)

Anger is all part of the process Liny, for a recovering adict as well as a recovering BS. But mostly I think it is a good thing. Before you would gamble to avoid these kinds of emotions, now you are experiencing them. Keep a lid on them, yes. But don't try to bury them with old behavioral patterns such as gambling, drinking (of course smoking will have to go everntually when you are really ready to find your back to "you") and affair behavior.

This is where a punching bag fits into recovery Liny.

<small>[ December 13, 2004, 05:19 PM: Message edited by: weaver ]</small>

YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY YOUR PAST MISTAKES. accept God's forgiveness and forgive yourself.


Ditto that!

I'm going to bed. My tired baby is there. I can hug her. Life isn't so bad because I can hug my tired baby in bed. So many folks can't hug theirs. I am blessed. Troubled, but blessed.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

G'nite i'vile. Bless you all.

<small>[ December 13, 2004, 05:30 PM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>