Also, BTW, I should explain that I post when I get home from work until Rob arrives home.

So, when I disappear in the middle of a conversation that's what I'm doing. As soon as he gets home I log out and spend the time with him.

I sometimes feel I've been very rude and just disappeared without a good night.

Jen

Jen, not meeting any fla MBers sadly <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Robbies way north in Tampa, Trish is going home to her family and I think I'm a bit too far south for most in the Keys.

I'd LOVE Squid to contact you Jen. I've told her about you and KY and others and that if she needa a place to rant, question, slate me, vent, laugh anything you guys who have been there first can help.

She doesn;t like to be reminded of her affair right now though Jen. She told me that she feels strange talking about it because she doesn't recognise the person that did those things.

I guess its a coping mechanism, as she almost completely defogs and realises what she did its instinctive to disassociate from it.

She's doing well though Jen but in her words " my ears and tail will be down for ever" ( like a scolded puppy). Some days she's just Squid again, somedays shes really sad and withdrawn and guilty. I try to be consistent and loving and non judgmental while ensuring we at least open discussion regarding whats making us sad.

She NEEDS your help and friendship but I can't force her.

watch this space I guess, but THANKS again for offering {{{{{Jen}}}}}


The hardest thing for me right now is she still considers OM to be a decent man despite facts to the contary...

Even aside from my justifiable prejudice his lies and conflicting behaviours are so aparrant as to be almost funny in another situation ayet Squid just clings to the belieef that it was all true.

" Yeah baby, 3 divorces, three long term partners and countless affairs but you're really special baby ".

"I love you and I'm leaving my GF for you, but this week I am softening the blow for her by taking her on a romantic weeks trip to Menorca"

" GF and I are splitting up, my heart will always be broken for you, BTW we're going to Tunisia to a honeymood suite for a week".

I mean see ? Why can't she wake up and see what she be shovellin' ?

I don't know Bob. It's the toughest one of all, to face the fact you've been "suckered" as Rob says.

That was really what our talk the other night was about. OM, in my case, was a pillar of the community. When he was a teenage boy he was a darned nice and good person. He admitted himself he was "naive" back then. Rob is adamant that OM was a player and so are my friends and my family. Even the reaction from the OM's w was odd. Like she'd heard it before.

So, I guess I'm saying, this is the last struggle I have as well. Even though in my head and in my heart of hearts I know I was "suckered" good and proper.

Jen

Jen I'll tell you a secret buried here in I'ville.

I am GLAD OM is a measurable scumbag. I'm not sure I could cope if he was a lovely decent man who truly fell in love with Squid but guilt and regret caused both him and her to withdraw to their families out of duty.

I'm GLAD he's a wastrel petty criminal with a huge track record of "playing". That make any sense ?

Trouble is I think Squid believes in at least SOME of the above fairy story.

Some days I still want him dead. Somedays I could do it too...
trouble is its so clear that Squid lied to HIM to keep HIM interested in her too.... " I will go anywhere to be wit you" when she wasn't doing anything but buying a half dozen lottery tickets per week....pathetic and sad really when I think about it. she knew she'd have to win the lottery to even come close to recreating her life with ME with HIM.

Must stop, getting sad again now.

Have a GREAT night Jen ! and thanks again ! U got my email addy BTW. Squid uses it too.

<small>[ December 15, 2004, 01:15 AM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>

Bob, I know what you mean about burying things in here. It's such a safe place for us all.

I have no doubt that Squid knows really that he was a scumbag. And pillars of the community can still be scumbags - in fact the hypocrisy makes it worse in a way.

I've got to go now too.

And people think we don't MB on Idiotville. I, for one, have never come across such a great bunch of caring supportive people before. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hugs to you Bob, have a great holiday.

Jen

hi idiots,

KiwiJ are you still there? I read your reply to my question about work days ago and here I am continuing the conversation days later. I don't know if I could call my job exciting...yeah, so exciting that I'm once again sitting here in my lab coat posting on MB.
Great that you're on leave soon, I'm also looking forward to Christmas holidays.

Idiotville is MB tonight...

so since we're on the topic, I can totally relate to feeling incredibly embarrassed and awkward when talkign about my A (in my case a ONS). I almost can't recognise the person who did that.

In any case, like you, KiwiJ, I feel like the last year of my life has been one long "growing up" phase that was waaaay overdue. Even my H has commented on how much more maturely I deal with problems and assert myself now. Goodbye CA!!!

Speaking of which...want some buried "treasures?" This isn't about who's right and who's wrong...it's about if I'm wrong, i will stop. Situation: Anybody who followed our story knows I was brought up on an accusation (on a national level) that I was having an affair with the OW. Warped justice? guess that depends on who you ask. I once had a poll about the general public knowing the signs of what an EA really is--I don't think they would understand the dynamics. But then again, maybe it's my character selling people short again. Anyway, after that, it was a direct "instruction" not to converse with anybody but my peers (by my direct boss.) I've been pretty much keeping to myself, especially after this last incident (which I will get to.) So, I have been doing everything in my humanly power (and with the goodness of some "outside forces" as well) to have complete honesty, start making brown feel secure again, and keeping her "safe". Finding that happy place again. Now, even throughout all of the BS at work about the OW, I was speaking with one of my peers (who is female--all of my peers are female) and getting some advice and support from a work front--nothing I hid from brown. I sent her an email the other day telling her of all of the BS at work and my own sit--she is the only one that I trust with knowing all. (She has been out and will be until the new year for an operation.) So, I've also sent brown the emails she has sent me along with my responses--i hide nothing these days. I created this insecurity--it's my job to create the secure atmosphere again. So, brown flips out on me tonihgt saying that i just don't get it, etc etc. I can see her point to a certain extent, however, i have been open and completely honest with brown about my discussions with my peers. i have one friend at my level at work that i can discuss things with (a male), but haven't even spoken with him for a many weeks. You know what? jsut writing all of this i guess i answered my own questions. nothing will EVER be the same, and i have to conform to everything so i can make brown secure. i guess this means, not having to do with NAYBODY else ever again. i made the bed, now sleep in it right? And she does this at work on the phone (which was a huge non-en for me--especially this week when im trying to get things done so i dont have to go in next week.)

I'm just babbling, but i need to get it all out. don't know if any of this is normal or if i should even say a damn thing about anything. i mean, really, what defense do i have with anything? once again, I created this, right?

The meeting. another big confrontation brown and i had today. maybe i shouldnt even talk about this, because we really did work it out and talk it through, but since monday, i knew i've had this meeting. really? the only thing--or primary thing on my mind. brown's trying to talk about this and that and completely dumps on me regarding $$ i needed tongiht for presents and my unit's dinner this week. i really didnt give a [censored] about the whole $$ thing--i was really only concerned with getting through this damn meeting today. but, can i "blame" brown for acting/reacting this way? of course not! it was friday i used the same reason for her to transfer $$ to me so i could G. Once again: i made the bed...

And we were joking and playing with each other all day *after* the meeting--felt more relaxed...than this [censored] comes out. guess i missed a trigger somewhere. i guess, like i said, cant even talk to another woman for the rest of my life, regardless of the circumstances. i guess, like i said, i caused all of this [censored] so i gotta deal with it somehow. I know this is such a pr!ck thing to say, but, all you female posters, stop reading and dont you dare respond.

and i will deal with it and get over it and live with it and do it all with brown. right now, im just reacting. forgive me everyone (brown too) for venting. a few months ago, i would have just let this fester inseide. and a festering wound you cant see is the worst.

anyway, meeting went ok. wont hear a final decision until after Christmas. my own feeling is is (based on my two direct bosses, including the one who "interviewed"me) that it will be ok. i wont lose my job, i wont lose my current pposition, and will get a slap on the wrist--what it will do to my future? don't know. AND this all depends on what *the* boss says--still has to pass her desk. we'll see. can't stand this being over my head. can't stand any of this being over my head anymore. i'm trying. i'm doing my best. i really am. and i only feel like i'm just moving backwards while facing forwrd. this all just really sux right now. looking for some kinda hope, someting to keep me going. im at a stand still right now. i dont like it. i feel all of these stresses, all of this bullsh1t, and no way to release it all.

Ive taken enough of everyones time. sorry--if you even get past the first few sentences. thanks for your thoughts this afternoon--think they really helped. its outta my hands now. some things just aren't in my control. other things that are? i feel like i'm losing grip on everything.

maybe its just all at once all of these mistakes ive made in my life are rearing their ugly heads all at once. can't wait to see what's next. i want to be strong, but feel i'm waivering, faltering. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Hi Liny,

I read all of that. I guess there's not much to say since you answered all of your own questions...

Deep breaths...

Some days are just really hard to take, hey?

hey smur...yeah, they've ust plain sucked lately.

And one thing i dind't mention before now, but, what the heck? i'm on a roll. (And ***NOT*** looking for sympathy--stating faacts.) because of my previous g problem and because of the new move and because my S's have contributed $60 between the two of them over the past 3 months since we've been in here, my girls will have very few Christmas presents this year. i know it's not baout the presents--really, its about the presence--but thisa is the first year my youngest d knows something of what's going on. then again, my g can be traced into every single one of my/our damn problems.

...and i know its the past, but it snever going to go away--there will always be something there that will prevent me/us from moving forward, it seems.

smur (and any other n/s company: gotta take my son to work. second day--let's see how long it'll last--cutting too much into his personal/free/friend/don't-give-a-[censored]-time. have a good night.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> there will always be something there that will prevent me/us from moving forward, it seems.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Obstacles, yes, but obstacles are there to get around, and we do all get there, eventually. Sounds like you're having a tough time...

This is what believer wrote yesterday

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We have all made mistakes in the PAST. We are here working on making changes and growing so that our futures will be brighter. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sometimes (like all the time, on the bad days) we need to remind ourselves.

Bye Liny -

Since the idiots are in confessional mode right now, I'm going to reveal my worst character flaws ... pulled up from the depths after six months of IC and lots of introspection ... and apart from the other bad character flaws of CA and not very good communication and problem solving skills:
In the past I was too easily influenced by those around me, I didn't trust my own principles and judgement enough.

It's hit me with horror, in the past few months, that watching an older friend and colleague who I respected very much, have an A and justify it in (what I now realise was) a very foggy way, just 2 months before I went on the fateful work trip where I met OM, was a huge influence on me!!

How sad is that!!
I had an A because she did....

Its good to be able to share with fellow idiots, because, of all the discussions I've had with H, this is one reason I'm not sure whether I could tell him. It sounds just too pathetic. I really want to believe I'm waaaaaaaay past that now.

<small>[ December 15, 2004, 05:01 AM: Message edited by: smur ]</small>

LINY, some parts of life are about surfing, some parts of life are about controlling the waves.


Pick the waves YOU can control and calm them. Surf the rest with Brown and enjoy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

{{{LINY }}}

" Those aren't pillows !!!!!!! "
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

LINY -

Glad to hear your meeting went as well as could be expected.

I know it seems like you will never get out of this mess, but you will. It is an extremely stressful time of the year. Look at the boards - they're all even fighting over in recovery.

Get your little one a bunch of dollar presents at the dollar store. She'll be fine. I just hate how stressed everyone gets at Christmas. It is supposed to be such a wonderful time of the year, but for most people it isn't. Too many huge expectations.

The one who needs your help now is your wife. I would be upset about the emails too. The financial crap just adds to her insecurity. Cling to each other through this.

Your feeling of everything being down will pass. Brown will start trusting you more. Your boys will get jobs. Hang in there. Lean on this board and your higher power.

KiwiJ. you said: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
I sometimes feel I've been very rude and just disappeared without a good night. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's ok, I would imagine that happens here with several of us from time to time. (I know that it does with me, at least when I'm at work it does every now and then.)

RH

BP: Off til the 4th? That's great, enjoy it!

KY: Ok, NG's got Robin, not sure who Batman was but are you the Catwoman with all that scratching and clawing. <<<<OOOOWWWWaaaa>>>>

Believer: Hope you're getting over your cold soon.

Morning Mayor, where 'er you may be.

hi RH,

is it morning there... in this part of the world I'm just off to bed.
cya

RH we're off to Florida tomorrow !

With my kids AND my baby. I never DREAMED five months ago that my baby would be with me and loving me for this vacation.

Its a blessing beyond blessings despite all the hurt this year.

Thank you my dear God.