</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FinallyLearning-T2M:
[QB
now do you guys understand what my question was about this morning? [/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now I'm more confused than ever!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

That's okay though... it won't last long...

I've got IC tonight!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

T2M,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> and more importantly, how to not want to stray ever again!!!!!

now do you guys understand what my question was about this morning </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, perfectly. Look you need to give yourself more credit here (or less maybe) your H is probably just going through some stuff internally and is just not wanting to be that close right now. I haven't had SF since my dday almost 8 weeks ago. WHY?? Because my H is still processing his hurt and anger over my deception. We have come close a couple times recently but he keeps saying "not ready yet". Ok so I wait patiently and fine "other" ways to entertain myself. As for the temptation, there I think you need to give yourself some credit. You do have the strength, you have proven that recently. You don't need the attention of someone else to validate you. You can look at T2M in the mirror and be proud.

You know T2M, the main thing I learned from my A was that I have a lot to lose for being selfish. I now can tell when I am letting my fondness for someone get too strong and QUICKLY back off. I know the difference now between admiring someone's qualities or humor and liking them too much. Does that make sense? I have my own radar for my feelings and never really let myself cross those self imposed boundaries. Love ya T2M, please love yourself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Well, I'm nearly packed and I'm off to get a couple of hours sleep before leavong for the airport for Vegas.

This will be a real test for NC I guess, and for the true strength of our recovery.
I'm leaving some homework for squid ( a chpt of HN/HN and a bit of torn asunder).

I can only pray that God maintain the care he shows them when I'm around in my absence and that He ensures Squid and the kids know I adore them.

Dunno when I'll be online in the next 9 or ten days folks so see you when I see you.

All blessings !

Take care Bob and I will be praying for safe travel for you and for God to protect your family in your absence.

FL said: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> and to those husbands out there that think i should talk to their wives, i know you are just having some fun, but i am kinda bumming here now. why does it seem like my husband is so uninterested? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I didn't mean for you to talk to NOW, nor did I mean to do it right now (KiWiJ). I was just wishing that NOW was more like that (more giving during that time of the month). Her response is I can't have any fun then, neither can you. Well, not really but sort of.

FL, I know the times many years ago when we were more active. It would wear me out and make me sore. Now I'm not saying that's the case with your H. I do know that when two spouse's have totally opposite sex drives it makes for more difficulties. The rollercoaster ride complicates things even more. Try to have patience. It takes different times to adjust. And if you get a chance pick up the book 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It will help you to learn your H's language.

{{{{{FL}}}}}}

As for not straying? You love your H and you know the hE// you've both been through recently. Focus your energies elsewhere (workouts, reading, doing something to take your mind off it, etc.). Plus, and I know it's not the same, but as Dealen-de said, you are the "Master of your domain." You can always take the situation into your own hands...not trying to be crude, but to show you some options.

Best of luck and hugz to you. And remember, we're here to support you.

faith and RH, thanks, that is exactly the kind of stuff i need to hear right now. RH, i know you were teasing when you said talk to NOW. i don't think soreness is a problem, nor is it about the A's, although maybe that is part of it, i think the real point is i really need to talk to him. not with the intent to ask him to behave differently, but just to get it off my chest. part of it is i just don't really know how he feels about it. i know he does not initiate often, but does he mind when i do ever? would he if i initiated it every night? the hardest part is going to bed and just not knowing what he wants. i was thinking of asking him if we could work out a signal. if he wants to just cuddle, wear something, if he is open to activity don't. is that weird? will the concept rub him the wrong way for any reason. i think just knowing where he is standing each night as we go to bed would be a help. i don't like taking matters into my own hands anymore. i don't mind waiting for good nights. i think the really unsettling part is just not knowing. i mean if too much time passed, i would start to get more impatient, but i could deal with it better if i just knew what he wanted. ok, and if sometimes he was the one to initiate. and if sometimes it included kissing.

i am talking way too much here, i know, but i really need to right now. thanks.

T2M - Hi there! RH is soooooooo right about the opposite sex drive. *WE* knew it so well. I kept saying 'its not you!' and you know what it wasn't him. It was old fashioned 'depression' and the further I got into 'depression' the worse it got. I 'felt' better after some meds and then we were both on different shifts (and this was pre-A). I'd say 'taking matters into your own hands' sounds like a game plan - heck trying doing it right in front of your H (it may inspire him).

Bob - safe trip (I didn't know you were going anywhere, but that's ok).

KY - you mushy?!?!? never - well never too mushy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> How are ya hon?

I'm gonna try a nd be on for a little well tonight. LINY is atying home b/c he's not feeling too good. That's says alot b/c in 13 years the man just doesn't really take off from work b/c he's sick (I'm feeling alittle helpless b/c I can't help him feel better and he's cranky too).

(Robby - I hope IC goes well)

*I'm with the crankiest H ever ever. I can't do anything right for him. I told the girls to go up stairs and let him sleep and now he just went upstairs, came back down sayinfg how he can't get any sleep. URGH!!!!!*

EDITED for wrong name purposed

<small>[ January 06, 2005, 05:32 PM: Message edited by: brown ]</small>

oh yeah, and i do have that book you mentioned. i will DEFINITELY be reading it tonight after kids go to bed, he is going out tonight. he has not had a chance to do that for a while. i have no problem with him going, and i'm certainly NOT going to ask him not to cuz i am feeling a bit shakey. thanks again.

Well I sort of know where you are coming from T2M. My libido is far higher than my H's at this point. I am close to your age so maybe that is why? I would want to every night if he let me. We rarely kiss and he rarely initiates. I finally asked him (this was before dday) if he minded me asking all the time and he said no, he is flattered just not all that interested. Some days that is hard because I get my feelings hurt at times when he turns me down. Lately cuddling is all I get. ASk, don't conflict avoid! He is your H, you should be ok asking. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

hi brown, and thanks to you too. sorry liyn is feeling so yucky. you could always knock him on the head so he "falls asleep". problem solved, he gets his rest, you get some peace. ok, so he may have a bump to deal with in the morning but there is a cost for everything.

maybe i'll be on tonight too. maybe i'll lock myself out of the office so i cannot go anywhere near it. not to avoid MB but to avoid other places.

Hi Brown, sorry about the crank err Liny not feeling well. Good to see you post though.

Oh hope it is not TMI, but that suggestion Brown had T2M? Well that is as far we go these days but it helps to have some intimacy and I know he ummm enjoys it. OMGosh too much info! Is there an emoticon for red faced???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

T2M - believe me I already thought about it and I even offered him a "pill". I really have never seen him like this. (I mean he gets cranky all the time - not from not feeling well)

And I understand about the 'office' too. Hang in there - just talk to us idiots if you have to <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hey what's a little talk among us girls (and guys - if they're lurking) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Isn't that how we learn about "things"?!?!? B/c we ... hum .... "talk" ????

T2M,

This quote made me think of you. It is from the book the Search for Signifigance. Can't remember the author.

"Because of Christ and his redemption, I am completely forgiven and fully pleasing to God. I am totally accepted by God."

FL you said: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> i was thinking of asking him </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think that's a great idea. I know there are times that I'm afraid to talk to NOW (like the time before X-mas when OM's W called to talk about the waving). I came on here and brought up the question rather than talk to NOW because I didn't want to deal with it.

I know what it's like to get turned down and that sucks. I can't imagine that it's any easier for a spouse of the opposite sex. It's just so ego deflating. I mean before dday, it was so bad that I just took want I wanted because there seemed to be so little given (of course that was a two way street). Give him time and learn to "speak his love language" and I'm sure that you two will make it.

{{{{{FL}}}}}

Hi Brown!

Hi Faith!

Logging out now. Peace to all. I'll check in with you tomorrow.

Ok, you're up Night Shift <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Oh sure RH say hi and run (hehehehe)

I'm only responsing so you won't kill the thread <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I hope you and NOW are doing good.

Now, where is Mr RIF ... I haven't written to him since he got back (I hope the R&R was wonderful <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

Hi Brown - Good to see you here. I miss talking to you, although LINY keeps us updated. Sorry he is feeling so sick - men are a pain in the a when they are sick. We women continue to take care of kids, do the house, etc. Men completely fall apart and whine.

Hey FL - How's it going? I've given up on trying to keep up with all of the new pages...

Hey FF - Hope all is going well with you too!

Brown! Good to see you again... R&R was great! How are you and LINY doing? You guys are going to have good days and 'bad' days... so don't get discouraged!!!

Hey RH - How are you doing this eveing?

Hey Beliver - I'm not a whiner.... at least over here I'm not! But when I'm home and I get sick, I love it when my W babies me... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

hi all, thanks brown, faith and RH for the posts. unfortunately hubby is in a terrible mood, i don't know why, good thing he is going out tonight. i have asked him if i could do anything for him he said no, he said he was just frustrated with his new computer, guess he was trying to do something while i was tutoring. and then the session went late cuz finals is coming and this girl is so behind. i usually tutor her sister, this is only my second time with her. H was not happy i let it go past an hour cuz dinner was delayed. my daughter is in a mega cranky mood too and she does not seem to want me to help her in any way either.

i'm going to go some work now that i brought home from the office. i'm sure i'll be back