Hi FL,

Just wanted to check and see how you were doing...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> i told him exactly what i said i was planning on telling him. i am his wife, and i intend to stay that way. i want to give him pleasure, i confessed i judged him and asked for his forgiveness. i told him i knew he was not the type of person that would use another for physical enjoyment only. i told him i knew he was very hurt due to my actions. and i was not going anywhere.

that was at about 3pm. at 11pm he told me what he said. then this morning he gave me the back rub and said he would read a book about affairs.
i am skipping one thing. this morning i told him i would not do well in a relationship that has too much distance, that is a fact. i will be able to cope better now. i'm not so sure we are doing the kids a big favor as he thinks. that is when he responded with a back rub and the offer to read. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">From your last post, it sounds like you and your H are making progress... Please get your H a copy of Torn Asunder by Dave Carder and let him read it... And my offer to e-mail with your H still stands if he'd like to talk with someone...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

hi rif,

good timing for asking me, i just did a mini rant in another post about how people can change. i know i have to be patient and i answered his questions honestly, i did not try to gloss over anything, i continue to take full responsiblity, but it is not easy. all the major stuff is out, now what is happening is he is putting together the pieces which leads to questions. and i honestly don't mind them, and i am completly open to answering them to the best of my ability, but some of this stuff was a long time ago. and, of course, all of it ends up at the same place, how could you have acted like this?? or maybe it is disgust, i really don't know what he thinks of me when he asks me these questions. for my past i can do nothing but continueally acknowledge my faults. but in present day, i know i am different now!!! i don't blame him one bit for not being able to see that now. it's just very (i can't really think of the right word) to have to acknowledge the terribleness of my past while celebrating the new me.

i tried getting torn asunder today but it was not at borders or barnes and nobles, i did finally find it at another store but it was too far away to get today. i will pick it up tommorow. i will tell him you recommend it the most but i'm not sure what book he will choose to read. he will have a choice of 4 now. SAA, after the affair, surviving infidelity and torn asunder. thank you for your offer to email. at this point i really don't think he will take you up on it ever.

so if you will humor me for just one more sec... i did pick up a book for myself which i am going to go read and hopefully relax with. it is called the miracle of change. i would of loved to have shared it with H but i don't think he is too open to hear about it right now. i got it because IC and i were talking about how the internal changes in me have been so dramatic. the hole in my heart is really gone and i sincerly feel like i am worthy of God's love. i figure what i am saying might sound stupid or lame, especially to H right now, but it is extremely real to me and IC is right, i should celebrate. i have been freed from a bondage i have had the majority of my life. so today while looking for torn asunder i happened upon the book and the title drew me in.

now i am going to go read and give thanks to God for His love and the love of my H, because i really would not be here if it was not for him. by him i was referring to H but both apply, God and H.

ok, i'm done rambling now. thanks RIF. and say hi to your W too, tell her i appreciate her prayers as well as yours.

with all that said...

yes we are doing ok... i may rant a bit that this is not easy but i'ld still rather be here than where i used to be and i do have hope.

just thought i should mention that too

Hi FL,

It sounds like you and your H are both doing well... I completely understand the actions that you've described for your H... I to would ask question after question... and I'm sad to say that many of my questions were purposefully asked to "punish" my W. I was hurting so bad and wanted her to "feel" my pain. Looking back on that time, I'm ashamed of myself and I've asked my W to forgive me...

I wouldn't even give your H SAA right now... save that book for when he's further along and isn't dealing with the raw pain... I read SAA about 6 months into our rebuilding process, and I just didn't feel that it addressed the pain that I was still feeling at that point. Torn Asunder doesn't pull any punches and IMHO, it was just what I needed to hear in order to help me deal with the overwhelming pain that I felt.

I think that any books that you can read that will help you understand where you are in all of this is great... and it will show your H that you are willing to work on yourself.

Don't worry about your H not wanting to e-mail me... I just wanted to let you know that I'm still willing. For me, I felt like I was the only guy in the world that was dealing with a W that had multiple A's... so I know how lonely it can feel...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

<small>[ November 19, 2004, 03:21 AM: Message edited by: Rebuilding in Faith 90 ]</small>

Hey, FL...

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

thanks RIF, i honestly do not believe his questions are an attempt to punish me, i understand he is needing to process so much of our past now that he has this information, information he should of had from the beginning and if he had it then, he wouldn't be having to do all this now. it is nice that you appologized to your W, but i would have to guess, she may have been able to understand the same way i am. i'm hoping that maybe of some comfort for you.

LINY, hi. ya know, i did see the news about your continued contact. i wanted to say hi and lend you some encouragement, tell you everyday is a chance for a new beginning... right now i'm thinking, i never did, did i? so i may be a bit late right now but i am thinking of you and brown. i must admit, i don't know the most up-to-date info on you two. are you guys back to making progress?