I think my FWS attempted to call OW tonight but he has forgotten her phone number! How ironic, I guess he has has NC all this time, but tonight there was a dialed number on his cell phone that closely resembles hers. He denies ever using the phone, but how else did the number get there? I am tempted to see someone else just to cause him the same pain that he is still causing me!

I've been there too.

But at the end of the day I've realised that having an A has not made by W happy in fact the complete opposite. I'm sure it's the same for most WS so learn the lessons.

Plus the view's so much better from the moral high ground <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

At this point, I really need someone to understand what I'm going through and I need attention VERY BADLY, it seems as though SF is always planned and FWH will not talk to me, I just need someone!

Jennie,

Think of it as you are planning to drink a rat poison (A) and wish that the rat (WH) would feel sorry for you ...

-rh-

Believe me I feel your pain but having an A in the middle of all this will only cause it to get worse.

The best person to give attention to you at the moment is you. Take a time out - get your head straight and then you can make a decision you will be comfortable with in the future - for you and your kids.

Jennie G,

You must remember that the vast majority OM's consider the married women they are involved with as nothing more than a piece of a** for their enjoyment. The last thing they want is to become their next H. Is that what you want from a man?

Jennie G, I understand your pain and your temptation. I felt it very early on in my long saga. I was really tempted to start dating other people (this was before I found MB). I finally realized, though, that I would be sleeping with those people out of anger. And what an awful thought that was! Sex, literally the most creative act any two people can ever engage in -- out of anger? Ugh! That's akin to rape and other sexual crimes, and the thought horrified me when I realized what I was thinking about.

So please take the time to think through how anger and sex tie together for you -- and whether you would ever want to act on an impulse that tied them together. It strikes me as very destructive for everyone involved, and not something I would want to inflict on you or anyone you choose to sleep with.

Jennie,

Hi chere. I do truly understand the anger, confusion, pain and desire for revenge you have...in fact, I think most BSs do. Let me make a suggestion....rename this thread and ask people who had "revenge affairs" how that worked out for them. I will predict the results (because I already KNOW the results) that they regret it with all the being they possess. Without exception, every single person I know who has tried this strategy has found it to be the most destructive thought they have ever entertained. It solves NOTHING...instead it magnifies the pain, makes you become what you hate.

Just talk it through with us....but call out to those who have tried it okay? They can give you REAL live experience with the other side of a revenge affair in a way that will bring the destruction home to you. Trust me, there are ways to get the attention you need, and ways to help your H understand your pain that are healthier and will give this situation a chance to heal...instead of COMPOUNDING the pain.

Hugs....we're here.

Don't have an affair because you think it will make your WWS feel as badly as you do...because it won't. I had a revenge affair (I hate to call it that because it was really more about getting myself to feel better than it was to get revenge. I knew my husband could care less, I mean really, he was having affairs so obviously its no big deal to him.)

But anyway, it was great for a while and I really did get a boost of self-esteem but it got to be so stressful on me. My OM wanted to get serious, talk about us and our plans for the future and I'm not even divorced yet. I mean, I couldn't see divorcing one day and getting engaged the next. That was so unexpected. I thought it was going to just be fun and sex!

Also, it was extremely hard to end it because I felt like I used him. I guess I kind of did. Additional guilt when I felt so guilty already was very painful. I feel like I really hurt him. That was so unfair. In the end, I figured he knew what he was getting into so I had no obligation to him, but it still was hard. I hate to hurt anyone.

Now, I feel like crap because I got used to having his shoulder to cry on or just to be away from here and forget my marital problems. Nothing got solved, nothing got better, nothing went away and now I miss him a lot and feel like I hurt someone that didn't deserve that. Now I'm in the fog.

Sigh. This is so hard.

I'm just still barely hanging on to my sanity.

{{{Jennie}}},

Come here to vent as much as you need ok? You KNOW that having an A with someone is just as bad and SICK as what your WH is doing now.Don't go slumming! There are appropriate and fulfilling CHOICES to make when it comes to adversity,not destructive ones.Don't become a WS.

I agree with Cherimoya too.All this time,I have been comforted by the fact that I have been living my life and dealing with this abominable mess from a clear and rightful standpoint.At the very least,I can get through my days knowing that I am STILL making careful choices that are not hurting anyone and that I can face myself at the end of the day.I really don't think you want the pressure of failure hanging over you do you?

Even though you might think sleeping with someone else will hurt your WH and that he might wake up and see just how badly he is hurting you and that he will come to you with all this realization.NOPE.It won'thappen nor will it make you feel better.Over time you will come to know what self loathing is.I wish I could pull up the thread on JFO that talked about this very subject.It wasn't pretty.

*WE* understand what you are going through.Come back and let us help you through this tough round.

O

WOW! Guess I really freaked out there for a day or two, but I'm over it for the time being, I guess I want someone to want me and I really hate the fact that my H told OW that I didn't turn him on anymore, I just feel like I never have. I told him yesterday that the reason that I thought he was the best I'd ever had was because of the emotion that was there when we had SF, and he said he wants me to feel that way again, but I don't think that I ever will!

Jennie....
I feel you pain. My STBX also said I didn't turn him on anymore and that he loved me like a sister. Whatever that means.
You have to know that you are worth loving and that you will be loved and get the respect that you deserve weather it be from your husband or someone else. I know that my STBX still loves me but there has been so much damage done that the love I had for him is now fading and I am looking forward to my divorce and meeting someone worth my time.

Hang in there. I promise you things will get better.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

Jennie....
I feel you pain. My STBX also said I didn't turn him on anymore and that he loved me like a sister. Whatever that means.
You have to know that you are worth loving and that you will be loved and get the respect that you deserve weather it be from your husband or someone else. I know that my STBX still loves me but there has been so much damage done that the love I had for him is now fading and I am looking forward to my divorce and meeting someone worth my time.

Hang in there. I promise you things will get better.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

Funny that - my W loves me like a brother apparently. It's all part of the babble to try and elevate their A to a higher level.

Told how to watch out as I'm pretty sure a lot of the things we've done together are illegal between brother and sister. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Yes - for the moment you would feel alive again..we all need to be held and comforted thru this mess. BUT - isn't that what started all our troubles...WS doesn't have the whatever to deal w/marriage issues so they seek EF/SF elsewhere...

I need someone too - I miss the touch, nice words, dinner out, drinks,etc. of my WH but I can't let my guard down and allow that to happen..My M would be doomed for sure then..

I did scan the personal ads the other day just to see what's out there..shame on me...

Go out have dinner/drinks w/the girls. Dance have a good time..Maybe just mingling will help you feel better..

Jennie,

I am sorry to hear about your situation.

What would your H say if you told him - as honestly and sincerely as you told us - how you feel? Hopefully, the knowledge that you are on the brink of an affair would be a wakeup call for him.

Andrew-- I told my WW that yesterday. Funny, she said that if I cheated on her she would D me because I would have betrayed her. WOW! Pretty fogged up huh. But, I know from this that all her talk about no feelings, etc is crap. Why would she care if I found someone else.

Jennie, you could tell you WH. I would bet you get the same reaction. Funny how WS think they are the only ones allowed to have an A. Say something to him just to see his reaction. Something to the effect you could never cross that line, but you yearn so bad, blah,blah,blah...

I told my H how I felt, and he says that he deserves it if that will make me feel better. Anyway, I wrote a 5 page letter telling him that everything was still a secret between the 2 of them that if we were going to make anymore progress that everything had to be out in the open so that we had a foundation of honesty to build on from here on. He says that we will spend tonight together with the TV off, so we'll see if any progress is made.

Hi Jennie,
I'm writing to you from the point of view of a woman (me) who was used about a year ago by aperson who was not over their spouse, who was still connected to their spouse emotionally. I was used for both emotional and physical fulfillment, purely selfish on the other person's part. about 8 months later, I found out I was an OW. I felt used, cheap, dirty, at the same time I had developed some real feelings for a person who "was not real, a fake". Please don't allow yourself to be carried away in a shelfish need for immidiate gratification or revenge... try to remember that the other person you may be using will get hurt as well.

My prayers go out to you,
Peace,
Odyssey