Its been 17 months since the XOW has been in the picture ... Keep in mind there was contact for 17 months while H was home ...
Yes this put alot of stress on kids , but I was honest as could be and open .While H was not home my kids learned alot maybe to much but in that time what they learned was to confront there FEELINGS ,,ask any and all questions and "I" never turned them away ..
When H came home he told all of us he was sorry including kids.
NOW both my children have been so much better , BUT I know my SON (10) still has some things on his mind and some anger to a degree ..HE IS ALOT LIKE ME !
I have been talking to him in general about always being true to ones self and excepresing himself BUT I would not bring UP OW til he would .
YESTERDAY while cleaning he said,, HEY mom, WHY did dad SPEND ALL THAT TIME WITH THAT WOMEN ???
I said, Well I thought I explained most of that to you ,
S- well I don't except somethings yet
ME- ask your dad
S- oh I do not think he wants to talk about that anymore , BUT I do feel the need to ..
ME- So , do what is true to YOURSELF .
I figured he would not ,,,but he DID
S- hey dad can I talk to ya
H- whats up
S- why did ya spend all the time with that women ?
H- what do you mean
S- Well maybe I do not know how to articulate myself that well but ,,,why did ya do it ?why didn't you talk with mom when she tryed so hard to talk to you ? why did you spend time with the OW kid? DID you always when not with us spend all your time with her and her KID???
H- wow lots of questions ?? I did spend the time with her when I was not with you and your sister ..IT wa something to do , I was feeling lost and confused and did not handle it like a mature adult , I ran away from my problems witch NO ONE should ever DO ! I did not talk to mom in the beging because well ,, I was imbaressed , ashamed of what I was doing and becoming ...
S- but mom always tried to talk to you and was always trying to just get honest answers from you and she always told how she felt and told ya how we (sister ) was dealing with this , and you didn't listen you just droped us off and ran away .Wouldn't you felt better if ya just talked it out .
H- yes I know that now , I made a mistake a very big one wiotch I will never make again .
But the thing about a MISTAKE is it is just that , and you can correct them .
S- well this was on my mind and thanks for the answers .
H- why is it on your mind after all this time .
S- YOU know dad I don't know something about mom cleaning made me think of it oh I know the picture of the 3 of us (H,d,s,) when you didn't live here . (can ya say trigger)
and I thought ya should know I still thought of it .
H- well I do not .
S- I guess some of us take longer to deal with our feelings ,,, I love ya dad ... KISS
H looked at me later after he went to sleep .WHY didn't you answer his question when he asked you ?
IT was not me he really needed the answer from , I can't clean up after you all the time you need to deal with your own things ,,,
H-ya did a good job with teaching them to say whats on there minds , both of them really know how to not keep things bottled up ..
ME - thank you ,, our doctor agrees with ya LOL
children are not stupid and they should not be ignored .I hope that you finnaly see this affected them well beyond when IT WAS HAPPENING !
Every one gets over it IN TIME but not IN YOUR TIME . and triggers do exsist LOL
THANKS for listening all , I was so happy for my son and proud of him .. There was some more things but thats the gist of it . HE (s) also said things like you made excuses like I do for not wanting to do my home work ,, ect... REALLY good kid very in touch with his emotions and I feel secure he will always come forward in his time with a problem NOT AVOID things ..
HAppy thankgiving to all !
