My WH left me to go see OW only 5 days after giving birth to our beautiful daughter. I just can't see how he can feel no guilt about it. He has not called since yesterday afternoon. He will not answer my calls. I guess he doesn't care at all about us.

I called his friend and asked for him. He let it slip that he may be staying the whole week down there. That means the time he took off to be with the baby will be spent with OW. Then he plans on coming home with this friend and living here and acting like he did nothing wrong.

I called his cell and told him to stay there and take his friend to live with OW. I just am so heartbroken and hurt. I just don't understand how he can be so heartless and uncaring.

<small>[ December 08, 2004, 10:30 PM: Message edited by: SadMarylandLady ]</small>

SML -

There's not much I can say about your WH, but I would like to say congratulations on your new daughter.

I know she'll be a blessing to you.

So sorry for your WH's actions, it does seem so heartless.

Georgia

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SadMarylandLady:
<strong> My WH left me to go see OW only 5 days after giving birth to our beautiful daughter. I just can't see how he can feel no guilt about it. He has not called since yesterday afternoon. He will not answer my calls. I guess he doesn't care at all about us.

I called his friend and asked for him. He let it slip that he may be staying the whole week down there. That means the time he took off to be with the baby will be spent with OW. Then he plans on coming home with this friend and living here and acting like he did nothing wrong.

I called his cell and told him to stay there and take his friend to live with OW. I just am so heartbroken and hurt. I just don't understand how he can be so heartless and uncaring. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry to hear this <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> , although unfortunately this is par for the course when WS are taken back with no clear plan. Please remember the feeling that you have now when your husband makes another attempt (and he will) to come back to your house and you and your babies life. Good luck.

SML,

I am SO very sorry chere. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Remember the chaos belongs to him. While he is gone....I have some suggestions for you. Please write your Plan B letter, change your locks and arrange for an intermediary to handle visitation with the baby. Please end all contact and have the letter delivered to him while he is in her house. Plan A has served it's purpose...and now, it will only serve to make you a doormat. What he did is intolerable....and right after his lovely time with you, is the perfect time to leave him with the best possible last look at what a lovely wife he has....until he is ready to end contact and recommit to the marriage. This is an opportunity, and while it is a dark gift...it can still be utilized in the best way. Please heed my words. Call Steve Harley, or Penny at symc....and get the help you need to remain strong while you find some peace in this next necessary step.

(((((((((((((((sml))))))))))))))

HI
Dont know if I've ever posted to you before. Congratulations on you new baby daughter. I have read some of you posts. I feel for you. This should be a happy time for you. Try and enjoy your little girl. They stay babies for such a short while.

Please listen to Starfish. What she is saying is just so sensible. Now is the perfect time for Plan B. The opportunity is there to maybe turn this. If not you will protect yourself from further pain. It just might be the catalyst for REAL change in you marriage.

Love and prayers
C&S

SML,

I am with Star*fish. Now is the perfect time for Plan B. He had those few wonderful days with you and OW was flipping out. Your calling him and leaving messages (though completely understandable) will only erode the beautiful thoughts you left him when he left the other day.

Do exactly as Star*fish says: change the locks, Put together a great Plan B letter, call Steve or Penny to get some help on this.

Your H needs to know that he has made his choice, whether he was ready or not. You have not obligation to take his friend in, either. They can both go to a third friend whose wife is crazy enough to put up with them.

Stand strong, SML. Concentrate on your boys and your baby girl and enjoy the peace that Plan B will bring you.

We'll help you get through this. Oh, an do you know where to send the Plan B letter? Star*fish is right, he needs to get it now, while he is with her. Can mail it and ask for a signature delivery so you know he got it? This would be best.

~ Snow

Ok, might be mean, but call is company and let them know that his time off is NOT with you and the child.

Some companys will give paid time off for the birth of a child and not charge vacation time. If thats the case what he is doing could be seen by the company as stealing.

I just sit here in tears. I am so overwelmed with everything. I have so many why's and how's I just don't understand how he can be this heartless. I know that I have been blowing it by calling him. I just don't see how he can ignore me and not even care that something might be wrong.

I left several messages saying that he cannot come home nor bring his friend here. Especially if he is staying the whole week with her then wanting to come home like nothing happened. He doesn't want to be with me. He has made that clear. He wants a divorce and this is just one more thing he is doing to push me away and try to make me lose my love for him.

I am sad. So sad for my kids. Just don't understand how a man so loving and caring can turn to be so uncaring and so unloving. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

SML,

At this point in time, your husband is a drug addict....that's right, his biochemistry is as screwed up as if here were hooked on crack cocaine. The man you knew....has been replaced by an alien. But YOU don't have to get on this merry go round of chaos. Stop concentrating on what he IS or IS NOT doing...stop waiting for his decision and act instead of reacting to his heartless fogginess. It will decimate you and will be....giving him ALL the power when you have no idea how much power you actually hold . Take back your personal power. I have seen the strength in you and I know you can do this chere. It is the right time and if you act now....rather than crumble....you will be able to take the upperhand in your own recovery NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES.

if you need me....starrynight4729@yahoo.com

sad mary,
Can not imagine what you are going through. Please try to just focus on the baby -- your hormones are out of whack, you are tired, and you do not have the love and support you need from your wh. I don't know your situation -- but could you go stay with a family member -- so you can get the help caring for your children and be able to grieve?

tdr

My mom came down to spend the night with me. She is a great help. I just don't like to bother people. I feel like it's not their problem. But I know she wants to be here.

Star,
I know what I need to do. I guess I am scared. I know that this cannot keep going on. I cannot take much more and I do need to remove myself from his chaos. If he can turn his back on his kids and me and choose this little college girl. Then he is not much of a father or husband. Maybe she deserves him and he deserves her. One day it will blow up in their faces and he will realize what he gave up all for his little fantasy. Just hurts that his false happiness is at the expense of the kids and me.

SML,

I know this is so scary! It is counterintuitive to separate in order to reconcile. But it is EXACTLY that contradiction...that dichotomy that creates GREAT opportunity for change!!! That's why coaches help...because they help you understand logically...what your emotions fear! Try to remember that the husband and father who is here right now is a drug crazed imposter who is impersonating your real husband. The man you married CAN return but not as long as you welcome the alien in your home. I am SO glad your mama has come to stay with you!! God bless mamas! Let that green girl FOR ONCE try and fail to meet ALL his needs....and just watch her lb and fall flat on her face. If you take up the slack, she won't have to. It's time sweetie...be strong and brave for Cloe and those other precious children.

You are in my prayers!

<small>[ December 04, 2004, 07:29 PM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

Star,
Thanks for your advice and support. You don't know how much it means to be able to come here and get advice or just vent. I don't really have anyone to talk to other than my mom and SIL and most of the time I don't like to involve them in every detail.

I already have my plan B letter. From awhile back. Also I am working on a separation agreement for when he comes home. I guess I really want to know if what his friend said was true. That he plans on spending the week down there. Because if that is the case that is it for me.

whether he spends a day or a week, still send that letter, go to plan b- he has great memories with you form the last week it is time to go dark, very very dark. No matter what leaving you with 2 boys and a newborn girl all while recovering from childbirth to go see OP is in my opinion ready to be shot (yes I am playing judge and jury sorry). Go plan B go now. No matter what he left you to see her, he is done. It should not matter if it was a day or a week, he still did it.

I am so very very sorry for all you are going though, Do not be afraid to lean on family and friends, that is what we have them for! Oh yeah keep leaning on us as well!

Yes he left me to see her. And I just can't imagine how both of them can enjoy themselves knowing their little bit of happiness comes from great hurt and pain. One day they will both wake up from their little fantasy and will have to live with the regret and damage they have caused everyone.

SML -

Time to change gears, and give him separation papers and Plan B. Otherwise you may lose your love for him.

I wouldn't argue with him or even talk about your relationship. He needs to wake up and realize that he is close to losing you.

SML,

In addition to your plan B implementation, you w/b calling his employer as well, right?

L.

SML,

I have to agree with starfish and orchid on this one.

You have been in plan A too long. Time for you to get your ducks all in a row.

No roomate,reconcilation, unless there is NC. Would you have the time to post a plan B letter to all of the wonderful people that are trying to help you out here, that is, before you send it?

I am SO sorry for what is going on with you and your WS. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Now is the time for you concentrate on your new baby. Do NOT let WS take that away from you. WS is an alien right now, living on the other planet.

I went to plan B after 2 months of plan A. How long have you been at this hon?

You are WORTHY. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Step back, no more phone messages. Do what is BEST for these children that so much depend on you, especially stepson right now. You have been awesome. Step back hon. Figure out the best plan for you, kids, marriage.

Please post your NC letter before you send it. Don't let WS behavior rule you. Time to get in control of the situation. It is not how you thought it would be, I am sorry for this, but now, regardless of how unfair it is, is the time for you to stand strong. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I vote for plan B. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Praying for you, and all here,

Love in Christ,
Miss M

{{{{{SML}}}}}

Congratulations on the new baby! I am so sorry to hear of your trouble with your H. I agree with the group. Change the locks, plan B, and focus on your new baby for now.

SML - I don't know what more I can add. It's all been said. You deserve better then this and I hope you find the strenght to demand it. It's been over a year and Plan A isn't working. This last week with your WH should show you that he is somewhere in there; however, he has to decide he wants to come out. Plan B will protect the love that you have for him and bring peace to you and your children. I know this will be a hard step and only you can decide if you can handle it.

Let us know what you decide and we will support you.