Hi all. Had a couple hour long chat with WH last night. He has a few problems. He would like to blame them on me, but it is getting harder and harder since we have had very little contact for almost 2 years. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

He needs to get a job, but can't look for one because he is at the bar all day. I told him I was sorry to hear that.

He has been asked to be a chaplain for his motorcycle group. Hmmmmmmm. Wouldn't that be a little hard when he has other woman along on all the rides? And can the chaplain be drunk all the time?

He asked if I would consider taking him back. I responded that it would not appeal to me since he loves OW. I always planned to be married to someone that loves me.

He's very depressed about where he is living - he and OW got thrown out of the place he liked, and then she moved back with her husband for some reason. I don't have the details about any of this since they are so secretive.

To tell you the truth, I could hardly keep from gloating. Dinner was cooking in the oven, the house was sparkling clean and cozy.

We talked about my work volunteering with the casualties from Fallujah. (WH and I used to do lots of volunteering together)

I took a couple calls for my property management business, which is doing well. He asked about my promotion at my real job.

In short, I am thriving, and he is sinking. And it is all due to the great things I have learned here at this site.

So chin up, all of you who are still struggling, don't give up.

Hi, Believer.

What goes around, comes around. I have read your story and I think that you have worked so hard and deserve all the peace and happiness that is coming your way.

Good for you believer! He is now seeing that you are a good woman and he misses that. Oh well...his loss.
You keep doing what you are doing and you will be better off. He will regret everything!!!!!

Believer:

I know most here would frown on gloating.....but I'm tickled that this turn of events is bringing a SMILE to your face. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
[mine too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ]

With all the pain told here, its very refreshing to read of the "other side" of the A (when it Finally "Turns" sour).
Ya know...when that "greener" grass turns to famine.

ON the flip side:
Its terrific when great things happen to good people ...who are simply doing the "right" thing.

Although its taken years, its so encouraging that you've found Both your Strength as well your Peace.
You seem to have found your center.....and it Shows!
Keep it up.

Yep, he has always said I was a good woman. I've always just plodded along, taking care of the kids, making a home, and it was a good life.

The OW is 20 years younger, and very flashy. He decided that was what he wanted in life. But YIKES - he is sure going downhill fast.

dear B, theres a word I can never spell and it is Schardenfeude. It means ( If I recall) "to take pleasure in anothers downfall " in German.

Now this word is not applicable to you.

Why ?

Because your WH dug a trench, filled it with **** , forehead deep and jumped in. Only now is he running our of strength to keep afloat.

This is no 'reckoning' upon him nor an accident.

It is the utterly predictable consequence of his own selfish actions.Me? I would pray that God deals with him in any way HE chooses and ignore him.

Let thos thread be a lesson to all WS who delude themselves that the OP is the best choice.

Thanks all. I'm trying not to gloat, but it is soooooo hard.

When WH first ripped my heart out and stomped on it, his life with OW seemed perfect. They blew all kinds of money on trips together, ate out everyday, lived in a beautiful house together. Meanwhile I was barely scraping by.

But I finally found this place, and started working on me. It paid off.

Their world is now crashing and burning. Oooops, starting to gloat again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

ha! ah ha!" This is the Nelson laugh from the Simpson.....he makes this laugh for every emotion, regret, sadness, happy, or just mocking someone....its all up to interpretation.. Hey mama, keep the house warm, the cake's in the oven, and gloat..........Let him be cold outside alone, because he left you cold outside...you got yourself inside, safe, warm and glowing... please don't let beleiver fall into the shadows..

Love you Angel <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey, some gloating is OK......as long as its not vindictive.

Its simply a matter of you shaking your head and thinking "Silly man....Told Ya So" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .

[Sticking out tounge is Optional]

Princess Harudah - Nice to talk to you again. How are things going with you? Are you coming to California?

YIKES Believer

there but for the mercy of God and the efforts and advice of you & so many on this site go I !!!

Its like digging a hole finding you are below your own height in the murky depths and then just digging deeper thinking you are going to get out???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

<small>[ December 08, 2004, 08:48 AM: Message edited by: aussieswife ]</small>

double post eecky

<small>[ December 08, 2004, 08:57 AM: Message edited by: Harudah ]</small>

oh Beleiver, I'm doing alright. I got a job..somewhat in my feild now....Market research. I am doing some online classes since I am so unstable, so wherever I am..I can study. I am still living with WH. Things have calmed down. I don't know if things got better if I got a thicker skin. Funny, we just bought a brand new car together, and he wants to get the house...and say we should buy something with a commerce attached because he knows I can't work for people. Anyways, he's been treating me the way he should have....no fights.. I'm just tuffer now! I'm hard...lots of weight lifting do that to people. I am no longer easily impressed.. I've become a woman!! I don't get freak out.. I assumed...I am neither on plan A or B. OW has been living with a guy the whole time..just she didn't tell him. I knew it though.. but oh well.. I don't give a ...bleeP.. About any of this.. OW and..its feel like hazy dream all that. I've had some time away from WH and I enjoyed it!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was so great.. walking around the house naked, singing tina turner!! And hey.."what an idiot!...He bought the whole DISCOGRAPHY of Tina Turner" so I just blast all day after work! I don't know what's going on....its like every week I get a present..although he has changed jobs and is getting paid better, might be the actual change... he bought me tickets to go see my favorite African actor/comedian...and i got lots of pictures! I saw him LIVE! It was so great...I was happy...I get surprise dinners... Everything is not perfect, but its ok....it needs a LOT OF WORK!!! and I am working on it.. but it seems like he wants to work on it this time.
I get a little bit impatient, but that's my nature. About california..I'm actually scare to even take a plane to USA lol.....yes the media scares the living crap out of me everyday...but california is not long overdue! If you built it..I shall come!!! its so cold here.. i want to be in cali right now!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok I typed too much already...

Believer,

Marriage Builders philosophy is designed to make each of us stronger in our respective paths through life, regardless of how our marriage turns out when afflicted with infidelity.

Your story is one of personal success, and you should be very proud. Your WH has witnessed your success, and is now filled with envy, if nothing else.

Your success is of great importance, and will serve as inspiration for those involved with attempts to "save" a marriage that may be unsuccessful. Plan A and Plan B are designed to include those personal changes that will not only make you a better partner in a marriage, but also a better person overall, even if the marriage does not ultimately succeed.

Bless you, Believer, for all you've been through, and for all the help you've provided for others. You deserve happiness in all days to come.

Best wishes,
SD

Glad things are looking up for you believer....or glad you're "looking up" and forward. Just the mere fact alone that you're basking in California weather ought to make you smile. It was minus 15 here yesterday....wind-chill rating puts it closer to minus 25. (That's all on Fahrenheit for the benefit of most of the readers here.)

Wishing you and yours all the best in the upcoming holiday season.

Believer,

I say gloat away!!!!

You are in a position to fulfill Gods will for you now. Your heart is strong, your world is shiny and happy. All is as it should be.

I do feel bad that WH is soooooo far away from personal happiness. He is of no use to the world right now.

But we can take comfort in knowing that he is on the way down, which means it is only a matter of time before he has no where to go but up! So all is right in his world as well. He must hit bottom before he can rebuild his life, and such was his choice when he started on his path of hurt and destruction.

weaver

OK, so, I have some questions. Your WH is still in love with OW, but when they got kicked out of the place he liked to live with her, she moved back home to her BH and DD. And they still insist on keeping all of the reasons, events, etc. secret.

And even though he loves OW still, he wants to come back home and live with you?

???????????

I guess he is still fog-bound. Perhaps I am losing my proficiency in fogese? Do YOU understand what your WH is saying? It literally sounds like he is talking in circles.

Honestly, believer, if my FWH hadn't broken off the lingering EA and come home, I would like to think that I would have been able to get where you are now. I know I was on my way!

Peace to you, friend.

Spidey

In short, I am thriving, and he is sinking. And it is all due to the great things I have learned here at this site.


Wow! I guess your H is seeing the reality of the end of an affair. It can be quite sad! When I used to read posts in TOW I learned about how badly OWs and OMs end up once their relatiosnships die.

Don't worry about the gloating. I think it is OK in this sort of situation. In fact it probably does wonders for the ongoing recovery of your ego.

One of the factors that kept me motivated to stay with my marriage was the concept that if Myrta had tried to live with OM things would have ended badly for her. I love and loved her so much that I had to prevent that. Luckily Myrta wanted to stay home.