Locksmiths are usually available 24/7 and on short notice. If you call them now, they'll probably be able to send someone by right away or very soon.

Good for you K.

I agree with everyone else's take on this and suggestions.

Wishing you well. It sucks that it's a week before Christmas...but so be it...I've experienced my share of holidays that weren't all that merry.

Be strong.

As someone who has been through the same with my WH, I wanted to tell you that you are doing the right thing. I wish I had.

You're in my prayers.

Double post

<small>[ December 16, 2004, 10:56 AM: Message edited by: planttel ]</small>

K, you can do this! As you can see you have a lot of MB friends who feel very strongly about what you need to do to save yourself and maybe in the process save your M. Right now I am concerned about YOU. I know this is and has been killing you for a very long time. We will be here for you. Sending you love and prayers! CV

Thanks to you all....

I deeply appreciate your concern.

I just talked to SH. He said Plan B is appropriate....and now is the time to expose at WH's work.

I will also do this today, before WH gets a wiff of what's up.

Again, my deepest appreciation.

K

Your sitch sounds similar to mine.

We are in the same age group. My FWH had a LTA. He was a cake-eater.

There's a lot of hope for recovery of your M if you can remain in PLAN B. She will fail in meeting his needs. They will try to make their fantasy world into a reality and it will not work. He will try to make her into you. She will try to be you. It will flop.

It will be difficult for him to end it. However, he will. The key is to be able to remain in your PLAN B.

I really feel for you because I have been there, through more than one D-DAY and more than one FALSE RECOVERY. However, I really believe that my H and I are now happier than ever.

This is awful for us. Take Care of Yourself. You are also in my prayers........

<small>[ December 16, 2004, 12:19 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

Home Depot and Lowe's both have any kinds of locks you could want. If you want to do Christmas shopping, go there and give yourself a present.

It takes about 10 - 20 minutes and a screwdriver to change both the deadbolt and the locking doorknob. Multiply that by the number of doors you have to change. It's easy, and costs a lot less. And you don't have to worry if you can find someone available.

My X walked out on a Wednesday night. The door locks were changed the next morning before I went to work.

Dear k,

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

if I only had the right words to express what I am feeling.

Your husband is definately a **** and it now time for him to "lay out in the yard!" (just not "your yard!!!") Let him find one of his own!!!

I don't get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel so angry that this man doesn't "get it!"

Of course he feels like a "***** ** ****" he's acting like one too!!!

What goes on in a WS mind????

k,
you do what SH tells you and you stay on track, for "YOUR" sake. This is what counts and only this!!!!

I am honestly so upset and I'm feeling with you.

Believe me, k, the day will come and he'll have his eyes "opened wide!" He's going to wake-up but he probably has to find this out on his own. He is going to have to "live out this fantasy" in order for it to loose it's "magic!"

A BIG hug from me and please take care of yourself!

bb

<small>[ December 17, 2004, 12:04 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Thanks, everyone.....

I have taken this morning off of work to get things done here.

My plan is set. I do not feel bad or squeamish about it.

So, I need to get that e-mail sent, my WH's stuff together, fix myself up, and get the heck out of Dodge!

I will post later (I will be gone until tomorrow afternoon).

Thanks, again. I am doing the best thing for myself right now.

K

K,

Sorry you are having to deal with this but you are in a stronger position now than before. So here goes my suggestion <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> :

1. Inform his boss that you can't attend due to a family emergency. Don't tell him what and let the WS go figure it out when he gets to the party all happy and his boss says something like - what happened to your W? She called and said there was an emergency? This will make all know something is going on but no details. Do not take the WS calls. It is better that he is miles away.

2. Change the locks if you can. I changed mine by changing only the deadbolt lock. The door key lock remained the same. This allowed me to leave it open for the WS when things changed but always left me with the option to go to NC if he lost his right to the home.

3. Pack his things...... if this is not the 1st time you are packing his things, large plastic garbage bags are nice..... I started off by packing things nicely in suitcases, then boxes, then garbage bags then they just went flying out the front door onto the lawn. This included his nice suits!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

4. Pin the plan B letter right on the bag/box, etc.

5. Be gone for the evening. Make sure the new lock is secured.

6. Expect enraged calls. Report anything to the police if he threatens you in any way.

NOTE: In some states it is against the law to force out a resident. But this law is not known to all citizens. Do what you must to keep you and your family safe.

7. Notify your support group and put them on alert. Prepare a statement and ask for their help. Notify your 3rd party contacts to be ready to step in as needed.

8. Reassure your children of your love. Their hugs will help you through this.

9. Keep posting as much as you need. Let us know if you need a few phone numbers to call. Some of us w/b willing to help out that way if we can. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Here's my addy: MBorchid2@yahoo.com

take care,
L.

Thanks Orchid.....

I put some of WH's belongings in his suitcase. Some in boxes. Left them all on the entryway floor with the Plan B letter on top.

I did send an e-mail to WH's main boss. OW is his secretary.

WH has called my cell phone a MILLION times today. Left a couple of messages:

WH "I don't know why you won't talk to me. But I did find out that you contacted the boss. I am not very happy. We need to talk."

WH "You need to call me right now."

WH "I'm putting my stuff in my car. I don't know why you are doing this. I was finally starting to make some headway in our M. I'm devastated. I guess I'll just get out of your life so you won't have to SUFFER any more."

The last one was two messages put together by me.

But, OW intercepted the e-mail I sent to her boss, and went to WH with it. SH told me this morning that as soon as I hit the send button, I should duck!

I just called his work phone. Left a message. "You can't figure out why I am doing this. Does this ring a bell?" Then I repeated the voice mail from OW this morning, and hung up.

I know, I shouldn't have done that. But, if he REALLY doesn't get it, that should clear things up for him.

But, here I am, staying the night at DD's place.

I don't feel bad, but I don't feel good either.

Thanks for your suppport.

K

Dear K,

Good to hear from you. Glad you posted and now we know you are ok. Did his boss actually get the e-mail? What's the secretary doing sensoring his e-mail? Hm..... sounds fishy to me.

Make sure the boss gets the info directly and not washed by the OW.

Expect more fog to blow your way. Luv the way he 'thinks he was making headway'???? How can he with his head up his [censored]???!?!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

K,

It's just hours in, and already you couldn't resist.

You are going to have to do better than this.

PITCH BLACK! Do NOT answer any Qs or give him ANY attention/conversation/nothing!!!

He is already wetting his pants over his loss of control over the situation. YAY! LET HIM!

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Noodle

Orchid....

I got a call from "someone" Who said he was OW's boss....I don't really know if it was him. I started to tell him about OW and WH. He stopped me. He said he doesn't get involved in employees personal lives.

I said "then I guess there's no point in my talking to you". He repeated himself, and I hung up.

OW could have put someone else up to that call. I wouldn't recognize his voice if I heard it. But it didn't sound very professional to me.

Okay, Noodle, I will call the voice mail, and erase it. Before WH hears it. Okay?

I'm soooooooooo done.

K

I don't think you did any harm with your voice mail, but from now on, no talking. Take the high road--you are doing what is right for your M to succeed, not trying to get even or make him suffer. There just is NO way a M can work with another person in it, period.

I think it is outrageous that the OW can intercept an email to the boss. Your H is going to have a hell of a time extricating himself from this situation. He will in the end, likely have to change jobs.

Let him face the consequences of his actions. Let OW meet his needs--at least let her try! He is going to be in a world of hurt here shortly as reality sets in.

Make sure you take care of yourself during this time. Get rest, eat right, pamper yourself, contact friends, your kids etc. Take care of YOU!

Call the HR dept. There s/b a rep to report this to. Let them know you were informed that the OW intercepts her bosses mail. Not sure if this is true but needed to report it. The safety of your family and your H's safety at work was and is in jeporady. Let the HR dept figure it out. The OW and WS may paint you as a lunatic but at the very least the seed of doubt w/b planted. In time you w/b exonerated should that need to happen.

JMHO,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by brownhair:
<strong> Hello dear K,
are you sure it's a new message and not an old one?
If you're sure it's new... is this her contacting him, and could he have prevented it? Might it be a one-side action he doesn't agree with? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YOu have to really admire this responce. This is "support" at it's grandest.

LM

K-
You are on the right track, let nothing stop you.

Why should you go deep, deep pitch black? Because the man doesn't deserve to be in the same space as you, deserve to hear your voice, or deserve to have your breath wasted any further.

Its time for K, now.

In due respect to supporting your "marriage comittment", I am gonna withold a 2 X 4 here. There is obviously no 2 X 4 big enough for you. I doubt you need to hear it from me anyway. I hope that continued "planning"-whether A or B....wins your husbands "love" and "commitment" back.