Should I do it or NO, I am feeling really crazy right now. After last night wife telling me that I ruin her reputation by telling her friends that she has boy friend, she told me, I should of keep that in to myself. Now I am thinking about showing up in the OM house on Xmas eve. To surprise his wife kids and family.

Should I do it or not? (I can do it and its going to be ugly) I swear.


My First Publish Story

I met OM in person and talked

HL,

U R not thinking clearly. No sense into making a scene for his W, kids and family. There are much smarter and better ways of handling this.

Now we need you to calm down.....breathe deep breathes in and out. Got help coming your way in a bit, ok? Just be patient. ok?

Pray for a clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience. I understand your anxiety but no sense putting yourself at risk of being marked as a trouble maker.

BTW, your wife's babble needs to be left as such. If she didn't give you reason to tell, you wouldn't need to tell, right? Tell her that.

take care, remember help is coming.
L.

HL,

You definitely should expose to OM wife .

Period. She has a right to know what is going on in her life, and make her own choices.

You should not expose to his wife and kids and especially not on Christmas Eve.

They have done nothing wrong..no need to be cruel to them. They are the co-victims of your selfish wife and her [omw] selfish husband. Do expose..but have some consideration for them and their grief.

It is better if you have solid evidence..what have you got?

Lets make a real plan.

Noodle

Noodle, while I agree with your suggestion, right now HL is making these decisions with the emotional side of his brain (where's that?)..... he needs to have a plan so encouraging him his current state of mind may hinder him from doing it the right way. (re: take a look at the rest of his post).

JMHO,
L.

I talked to OM and got all the information about him, I talked to his wife on the phone and OM mans Uncle told them that If I want to something to him I would never talked to anyone of his family. Right now I am in the red zone and thinking that I've warn te OM already and still going out with my wife. I just hate to be blame for something I never done. Now if I do something it is OK to blame me cause I've done it. Wife said she will never ever come back to me and the whole family kick me out of their house last night. After bringing them some food that they really love to eat. Wife is pressing the wrong button and I just went on fire burning eyes and Heat in my brain. I was crying telling her Parents that if I only knew that their daughter is going to do this to me, I shouldn't Marry her when they ask me to marry her. I let all the heat out but still pissed off.

O,

True..HL is talking like a crazy man right now..but I thought that I did try to impose a little forethought..inject a little sanity..and a plan is a must..which is why I suggested one.

Sorry, if that didn't come across. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Noodle

HL..so instead of raving..let's have your actual evidence and see what we can come up with.

HATE LOVE,

2x4 .... You did the right thing to expose the A however you need to let time be on your side. If you take away the bottle or the needle from an addict, you are their enemy #1. If you can't take it personally, you may as well go to plan B. Let WW's freinds shame her, not you. Let OMW & family deal with him, not you. Give it time. You know OM has W & 4 kids and no money/time. Let him LB'ed your WW, not you.

You have way too much time on your hand to let your mind wonders. I am at Mickey Land right now, you could call me before you do anything about OM & WW. Stick to plan A. Plan your day and do it autopilot otherwise you will end up doing something that you might regret.

Hang in there.
-rh-

Noodle,

U R right to get a plan but right now HL is not in a position to see straight. RH hopefully will try to help HL come to his senses. It is certainly easy to let anger overtake one's sense of reason.

I know your heart and words were in the right place. My MB senses were tingling a bit to the left and I had to call in reinforcements. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Maybe when HL calms down a bit, he can take heed to your post and it will have a better outcome.

Thanks for your support
L.

HL,

Hope you get in touch with RH soon. While exposure is needed, how, when and where is also important.

Emotional lashing out will get you a lashing in return. Be smart. Plan this stuff out and do it with a clear mind and a calm heart.

Exactly what happened to you is what I was trying to avoid. RH can explain it better. Pay attention to what he says and the other posters here. We have all been there, done that...... and seen it waaaay tooo much. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Better you vent here and lose it in front of your WS and her family.

take care,
L.

HL,

Redhat is a good man and a good guide for you right now. I also think he's right about "stepping back" and letting exposure work. If you've already told his wife....there is nothing but drama left to do on Christmas eve...and there are innocent children there who don't deserve this.

HL,

I am very sorry for your situation. Please listen to what everyone is saying here. It is good to fight for your wife but you need to fight smart. Sometimes the best action is no action, especially when you feel like you have to do something. When you are feeling crazy, stop and ask God to give you calmness and strength.

You need to behave with dignity. I know the desperation that you feel but that does not mean that you need to act desperately. If you act desperate it will push your wife farther away and convince her even more that she is doing the right thing.

HL,

I think you need to decide what it is that you want; what is your goal? Do you want to save your marriage and your family or do you want to punish your wife and the OM. Assume that you can only achieve one of these things. Decide which goal you want to achieve and your decisions will be become much simpler.

Everyone,

There are TWO statements that make my blood boil when I read them on MB forums

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you've already told his wife....there is nothing but drama left to do on Christmas eve...and there are innocent children there who don't deserve this </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Pray tell, who ,when and how is someone going to tell these children that their mother does not give a rats *ss about their health both mental and physical. I agree it is not Hate Love that should do the exposure but these pat answers sound just way too touchy feely, cliched with no REAL solution to a horrible problem. Let's start another thread on how the CHILDREN found out. I would bet it would make us all vomit having to face that type of reality.

Sorry just in the Christmas spirit I guess.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">After last night wife telling me that I ruin her reputation by telling her friends that she has boy friend, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The next poster that dares to write that piece of self depracating flagellation , probabably deserves what he/she is getting fromn their WS

HATE LOVE,

How r u doing ?

Anger is a poison that you drink and wish that the rat would die from poisoning.

You know my situation ... I saw OM that live in 'coaster for 3 years and counting. His children from the first M didn't want nothing to do with him and move 100 miles away from him. His children from last M wanted do move to diferent state very soon w/ their mom. I heard that OM & exW got Hep C, probably from a stupid tatoo that they have for pledging to each other ... how ironic ... I & OMexW don't have it (thanks God). OM drained his 401K to finance his R w/ my exW. He was bought out by OMexW from his house, he is in debt and no house. Revenge is not mine for OM will do it to himself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . I just sit and relax watching 'em ... I know the ending. OM will be on his death bed, alone and no one care.

-rh-

Cy:

"The next poster that dares to write that piece of self depracating flagellation , probabably deserves what he/she is getting fromn their WS"

The hell?

Maybe I read that differently than you, but it sounded 2 me like HL was just "reporting" what his W said - a common fog-latin statement. You thought he was putting himself down?

-ol' 2long

Hi HL,
Whatever you do decide to do, please try to remember that OM's family are as much victims in this whole mess as you are.

Peace,
Odyssey

Just call me LovingButtinski.....

I have found that when someone is in the middle of an extreme crisis of emotion such as HL seems to be at this time (and from my own personal experience with this type of emotional crisis), it is best to keep any and all communication short, clear, and encouraging. To do anything else adds too much confusion to an already confused person who is on the edge.

HL -- Listen to redhat.

Read his words over and over and over again.

Do not do anything unless you ask redhat and he says it's ok.

If redhat asks you to do something, just do it.

You will get through this crisis HL.

1. Listen to redhat
2. Read his words over and over
3. Do what he says to do.

Take care HL

Hi All:

Thanks for all the advice again, I've plan everything to ruin their XMAS and after reading everyone's response I will hold up and try to plan something else for XMAS eve. I am pretty crazy guy when I get really pissed, I don't think of anyone else, I get black out and I just do what ever pop in my head. I am really sorry guys, I am still learning how to control my black out mind. I have lots of friends mostly girls and they advice me a lot too. I just have to fight the temptation to do stupid things. I guess time will tell and time will heal all the pain. I think the best way to do it is not to see my wife. Because everytime I see her I feel like she keeps slapping me in the face and I get so angry. I cannot believe that I love this person that treat me like S**T its her re-action that makes me crazy follow by her words and for some reason "She Knows How to PRES the wrong BUTTON"

Anyway thanks for all the advice and I got to stop feeling crazy over this drama. It's just too painful and I feel like I can make OM suffer more but now with all the MB'ers help I will hold on and sit tight with a belt so I won't do anything harm.

thank you very much to all, RH thanks for calling me while you are in Mickey Land, sorry to bother everyone without MB and MB'ers I probably lock up by now. I appreciate all the help with care thank you....

Folks,

This is my first X-mas alone and I just hate being alone. I think this is the worst X-mas ever for me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by HATE LOVE:
This is my first X-mas alone and I just hate being alone. I think this is the worst X-mas ever for me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Volunteer to feed people in a shelter on Christmas.

Pep