HINC,

Haven't heard from you since before Christmas. How are you doing? What is happening in your life?

God Bless,

JL

JL - Yikes! I have been thinking about him. I'm afraid that when his wife came by for Christmas, she stayed. Of course, that would not be bad if she is willing to work on the marriage. However, I'm worried that he hasn't posted. Can't be good news.

I thought it was HINY - hopeless in NY.

I'm confused about who you are asking after? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

But I hope he is okay too.

Is it HINY JL? Or do I have the wrong guy?

Nope Weaver <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ,

It is in NC not NY. Tough keeping these names straight isn't it?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

JL

Yup! Sure is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

JL,Believer and others, you right I haven't posted much at all. Believer your right she stayed. She came home for Christmas and has stayed. I believe that the A is over. She was going to move to another town, not the same town OM is in but about 300 miles from here. She has been wonderful, my old wife. We are getting along great. I guess you could say I'm back in Plan A. I'm still confused, traveling by the seat of my pants really. She starts to cry ever time something comes up to remind her of her A. She is feeling tremendous guilt I know. I try to just step back and let it flow. No LB from me. We are really not working on our marriage yet but I am hopeful we can in the near future. Maybe I am being played the fool. But I think, I hope I am doing the right things. If I am being played the fool then I will know what to do. I just have to make sure I am doing everything I can for this marriage. If she is so callous and uncaring to play me this time around then I can honestly call it quits, without regret.

please please please pursue marital recovery counseling...

this week atleast set it up...

strong is the pull of human nature to attempt to just get past this by not discussing...

stronger will she become in her expectations that you just get over this...

you two have lots of work to do...otherwise it festers and grows...
and insidiously destroys....

ARK

Hopeful - Good to hear from you again! Like Ark said, get some counseling.

Also don't forget the 15 hours a week doing things together. That is very important.

I am praying that this is the start of a real recovery. I always thought your wife would come back. She seemed to care about you more than most.

Did I LB? The conversation last night centered around her talking to OM. She called him yesterday for 1 minute. He promised her money so she could move to another town. Remember, he has plenty of money. She has gotten herself in a real bind financially. I told her that she and i could not have a relationship as long as she has contact with him. She says that is an ultimatum, I replied no it is my boundary, one which I will not budge. She then started in on me as to why this was all my fault. I reiterated that we could not have any kind of relationship with OM in the picture. I then excused myself and went to bed. I didn't fight with her. I also told her that I wanted to be the man she came to not him. We will see which way the roller coaster will go today.

bumping for a little feedback

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Did I LB?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, you did not.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She called him yesterday for 1 minute.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">1 minute is OK with you? Did she call in front of you so you could time her?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He promised her money so she could move to another town. Remember, he has plenty of money. She has gotten herself in a real bind financially.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She is trying to rekindle the affair.... this call was about remaining attached, not finances. Trust me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I told her that she and i could not have a relationship as long as she has contact with him. She says that is an ultimatum, I replied no it is my boundary, one which I will not budge. She then started in on me as to why this was all my fault. I reiterated that we could not have any kind of relationship with OM in the picture. I then excused myself and went to bed. I didn't fight with her.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are you going to enforce your boundary or not? Can your wife trust YOU to keep your word about not tolerating contact?


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I also told her that I wanted to be the man she came to not him. We will see which way the roller coaster will go today.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Get off her rollercoaster. She's not done with her ride yet. Sorry man.

Pep

Pep,
No she didn't call in front of me but her cell phone told the tale. And to answer your other question, any contact is not alright with me. Can she trust me that I won't tolerate contact. You bet she can. i learned while she was gone that I can make it just fine without her. I won't tolerate contact with OM, like I told her we cannot have a relationship with OM in the picture.

Pep,
No she didn't call in front of me but her cell phone told the tale. And to answer your other question, any contact is not alright with me. Can she trust me that I won't tolerate contact. You bet she can. i learned while she was gone that I can make it just fine without her. I won't tolerate contact with OM, like I told her we cannot have a relationship with OM in the picture.

Hi hinc,

I am glad you checked back in with us.I think we left off with varying viewpoints about whether or not to let your WW come to the home for the holidays.

I still stand by my previous view though and I hope you will reconsider allowing her to stay even more.What I keep seeing over and over here is an unwillingness to follow through with the plan of action especially when it comes to allowing a WS to come back into your life.Your WW might have seemed to be her old self while there but what really changed? What really did she commit too? Was there a plan in place for recovery? No.Isn't that the ONLY reason to allow a WS back home? Now in your second post I read that your WW contacted the OM again.You think the A is over? To me it matters not unless SHE is actively pursuing a marital recovery too.

So where you stand now is you are still being blamed for her choices,she is still in contact with OM and there is no discussion or committment to a Marriage recovery or anything.All of this could have been avoided but you chose to look past the obvious and bet on what if.

Please don't be offended by what I am saying.It's not a 2x4 but IMO this is another glaring example of what you don't do when it comes to the MB plan of action.Too many revolving doors going round.

Let us know how things progress.I am concerned about you,as we all are.

O

<small>[ January 19, 2005, 10:43 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>